如何礼貌而坚决地拒绝别人

For each working person, the scarcest resource is your daily time.

对于每个职场人来说，最稀缺的资源就是你每天的时间了。

You may feel like that you do not have enough hours in the day, only endless things to do, and you can always find more things waiting for you to do.

时间总是不够用，事情总是做不完，而且你总能发现还有更多的事情会来找上你。

Of course, some of these things are not part of your job, such as other colleagues asking for your help or bosses making new demands.

当然，其中有些事情并不是你分内的，比如别的同事找你帮忙、上司提出了新需求。

How can we reasonably refuse them?

如何才能合理地拒绝他们呢？

In fact, there has been a mature methodology for this matter since long ago.

其实这件事早就有了成熟的方法论。

Just by doing the following three steps, you can usually make yourself and the other person comfortable while refusing them.

只需做到这3步，通常你就能在拒绝的同时让双方都感到心安理得。

Step 1: Listening.

第一步：倾听

It’s not simply hearing what the other person is saying. You have to literally stop what you’re doing, and carefully listen through what they say.

不是让你单纯听见对方讲什么，而是真的停下你手上的事，然后认真听对方把事情说完。

Even if your time is limited, it is best for you to do so.

即使你时间紧迫，也最好这么做。

The point is to let the other person see that you are willing to help, and let them understand that you already know their needs.

重点是让对方看得出你愿意帮忙，并且让对方明白你已经知道了他们的需求。

In this way, even if you eventually refuse them, they will understand that you are not available, instead of not willing to help.

这样一来，即使你最终拒绝了对方，他们也会知道你是真的没时间，而不是单纯地不想帮忙。

In addition, this willing-to-help attitude is also a manifestation of leadership; if colleagues ask you for help, it shows that they think you are a reliable person.

另外，这种“愿意帮忙”的态度也是一种领导力的体现；如果有同事愿意开口请你帮忙，那说明他们认为你是个靠得住的人。

In this case, choosing to listen can strengthen their goodwill and trust in you.

在这种情况下，选择倾听能加强他们对你的好感与信赖。

Step 2: Start with Conclusion when Refusing

第二步：拒绝的时候先说结论

There is a saying goes like “People tend to judge others by results, and themselves by motives.”

有句话叫：“人们总是用结果来评判别人，而用动机来评判自己。”

This principle can also be applied to daily conversations.

这个道理在平常的对话中也是成立的。

We all hope that other people will come to a conclusion quickly, but when we speak, we instinctively start from the beginning of the story.

我们都希望别人快点说结论，但自己讲话的时候却总是本能地从头说起。

This way of speaking is not good for communication, because the other person usually does not have so much patience to hear you finish your speaking, and by the time you come to the conclusion, their attention has long gone.

这样的说话方式是非常不利于沟通的，因为对方通常没有那么多耐心听你讲完，当你说到结论的时候，他们的注意力早就消散了。

If you want to refuse somebody, just tell them NO, and then explain the reasons why.

如果你要拒绝对方，就先直接告诉对方不行，然后再讲为什么不行。

Step 3: Provide an Alternative Solution

第三步：提供备用方案

Maybe you really don’t have the time to listen to the other person's request. For example, you have to get off work on time that day and the work at hand is urgent.

或许你当时真的没有时间听对方的要求，比如，你当天必须准时下班而手头的工作又很急。

In situations like this, don’t just tell the other person that you don’t have the time. Instead, you should give them a time when you would be available. For example, you may say “Sorry, I really don’t have the time right now. I have to get off work on time. Is it OK if we talk tomorrow morning?"

这个时候不要劈头盖脸地告诉对方你没时间，而是向对方提供一个可行的时间，例如：“抱歉，我现在真的没时间，等下必须准时下班，明早OK吗？”

In addition, if you have finished listening to the other person’s needs and finally choose to refuse him, you can also recommend him a person whom you feel can help him.

另外，如果你已经听完了对方的需求，而最终选择拒绝他，也可以向他推荐一个你觉得可以帮到他的人。

In this way, although you refused him, he still can feel your support.

这样一来，虽然你拒绝了对方，但依旧让他们感受到了你的支持。

In a word, refusal is inevitable, but the way of refusal is optional.

总而言之，拒绝是不可避免的，而拒绝的方式是可以选择的。

An inappropriate refusal may cause great harm to your working life.

一次唐突的拒绝可能会给你的职场生活带来很大的伤害。

An artistic refusal, on the other hand, may lead you to some unexpected benefits.

而一次艺术性的拒绝则能帮你获得很多意想不到的好处。