爱情都去哪儿了：致离开前任的你

Opposites. We learn this concept in kindergarten. The opposite of up is down, the opposite of left is right, and the opposite of forwards is backwards.

反义词，在幼儿园里我们就学过它。“上”的反义词是“下”。“左”的反义词是“右”，“前”的反义词是“后”。

What if I asked you about love. What is the opposite of love? For most, hate is what comes to mind. Seems to make sense, the opposite of like is dislike so it’s only natural that pattern follows suit on a grander scale for love vs. hate.

如果我问你“爱”的反义词呢。“爱”的反义词是什么呢。大多数人可能会想到“恨”。这似乎很有道理，既然“喜欢”的反义词是“讨厌”，人们很自然的想到，爱是更为强烈的喜欢，它的反义词也就是更强烈的讨厌。

But not anymore, not even in the slightest.

然而并不是这样，完全不是。

You see, to hate something means you have to devote energy to the idea. You must think about it, agonize over it, and be bothered by it. I used to question my husband on why his Ex’s insults and actions never got to him. “I don’t know,” he’d say. “They just don’t. I don’t care what she says or does. I do not give her a place of value in my head or heart.”

要知道，恨某样东西意味着将自己的注意力投注到这个东西上。你会总想着它，为它感到愤恨，为它而烦恼。过去我常常问我的丈夫，为什么他能对前妻的侮辱乃至人身攻击毫不介意。“我不知道”，他说，“我就是不介意。我不在乎她说什么或者做什么。在我的脑子里和我的心里，她都没有任何位置，没有一点重要性。”

Interesting, I thought. When people divorce, where does the love go? I used to think it transformed into hate, and for some, it does. These people live a life full of hatred and anger.

对此我感到很有意思。当人们离婚后，他们的感情去了哪里呢？过去我常以为，爱变成了恨，对某些人来说，的确如此。这些人的生活中充满了仇恨和愤怒。

For the lucky ones, the love once felt for their former spouse does not transform. It simply disappears. It becomes a hazy fog drifting away until one day the sun shines so bright it vanishes, never to be seen or thought of again.

而对那些幸运的人来说，他们心中曾经有的对前任的爱并没有变质。爱仅仅是消失了。它变成了一阵迷雾，在心中漂移，直到某天，在灿烂的阳光下迷雾消散，消失无踪，也不会再被想起。

Observing the way exes interact has now changed my definition. The opposite of love is no longer hate. It is indifference.

丈夫对前妻的态度改变了我的看法。爱的反义词不是恨，而是漠然。

He is indifferent to her actions and behaviors. He reserves his emotions for his friends and family, to those that matter to him and his life. He literally has turned off his ability to feel for her, and it is because of this that I think he is able to lead such a happy life. If you don’t let it bother you, you can’t feel hate. And blocking out hate is always a good thing.

对她的行事态度他并不关心。他将自己的情感留存给他的朋友，家人，留存给那些对他和他的生活重要的人。他的心已经对她关闭，不会再因为她有任何感触。正因为此，他才能过上这么幸福的生活。别让过去干扰你的生活，这样你的心里就不会有恨。将仇恨从心中扫除永远是一件值得庆幸的事情。