单身女性与临时情人

Remember that old tune "Friday, I'm in Love"? Well, some daters are looking to make it a reality.

"I have found a wonderful weekend lover," reads a testimonial by "Leah, 38" on the new dating website, parttimelove.co.uk. "He asks for no more, and the times we spend together are magical."

The site, launched in early January, is the brainchild of relationship author and blogger Helen Croydon. Its target demographic is people who want to be independent but also want to fall in love, she says.

Some may wonder whether Part Time Love is simply the newest in a line of dating sites where users troll for one-night stands. But the site isn't just Tinder with a romantic sheen, if you believe its marketing spiel.

"We are not a no-strings website. We are for singles looking for regular partners with mutual attraction, genuine friendship, respect and a magical spark but whom have no expectations of moving in after three months and value their free time and independence," claims the site, which users must opt into via other, more established dating sites.

Croydon asserts that a low-maintenance or part-time relationship is distinctively different than the eloquently named "booty call," or the even more lucid "casual encounter" in that the goal is lasting love.

Croydon admits it's not for everyone. She envisions her demographic as users in their mid-to-late 30s and early 40s who are set in their ways and might find it difficult to adapt domestically to a new partner.

"They're realistic on the fairytale," she says.

Croydon explores what she calls "low-maintenance relationships" in her new book "Screw the Fairytale: A Modern Girl's Guide to Sex and Love," in which she debunks the traditional ideal of the omnipresent partner. Croydon says she never wants to get married or have kids. (She's also quite familiar with unorthodox dating styles; her first book, "Sugar Daddy Diaries," was about her penchant for older men.)

"You don't have to see someone three to four nights a week to express love," she told CNN over the phone from London.

"In every other aspect of life, we've gone for convenience, independence and where individualism is promoted," she says. "Yet, you have this socially approved model of relationship that you live together."

Croydon says for it to work, the partners' emphasis is still on a genuine relationship, in that there is romance and sparks but "without all the monotony and obligation of a full-time relationship."

Jill Weber, a Virginia-based clinical psychologist and author of"Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships" says this particular style of dating can certainly feel empowering as it allows daters to compartmentalize the relationship.

"It protects you; there's less vulnerability," she says.

Sooner or later, though, she says one or both partners might catch stronger feelings and want something more.

"Ultimately, what connects us with one another is being vulnerable," she asserts.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Weber says it's also important for each partner to feel like they have their own life.

"You should feel safe and at ease in your relationship," she says, meaning that you aren't constantly worrying where your partner is and vice versa. If that's not the case, a conversation about space is in order. Failing that, it might be time to re-evaluate the healthiness of the relationship.

As for Croydon, she's still single and ready to mingle part-time.

据CNN报道，还记得那首《星期五，我们相爱吧》的旧歌曲吗？是啊，现今一些约会中的情侣指望把它变成现实。

“我找到了一个心仪的周末情人，”38岁的利亚在新约会网站——parttimelove.co.uk上的一篇文章中写道，“他不要求什么，我们在一起妙不可言。”

这家网站元月上旬开始运营，是根据恋人关系作者和博主海伦·克罗伊登的想法建成。她说，网站的目标人群是那些又想独立又想恋爱的人。

一些人可能会发问，在一系列会员寻找一夜情的网站中，临时情人网是否只是最新的网站。但是如果你把它的广告词当真，它就不仅是用来交友了。

“我们的网站并非是一夜情网站。我们为单身者建立，让他们找到相互吸引，情真意切，相互尊重和激情四射意中人，不希望3个月后就搬到家里来，看重无拘无束和独立自主。”网站声称，其会员必须通过更成熟的其它约会网站选择进入。

克罗伊登声称，低频来往或者叫临时关系与被生动地称为“上床电话”或更好懂的“邂逅”不尽相同，因为其目标是长久情爱。

克罗伊登承认，网站并非适合每个人。她预计目标人群是30多岁到刚过40岁的人，他们行为方式固定，可能难以适应新伴侣。

“他们在故事里是真实的，”她说。

克罗伊登在她的新书《搞乱神话：现代女孩性与爱的指南》中探索她所谓的“低频来往”，在书中她揭开了无所不在的伴侣的传统理念。克罗伊登说，她从来没想结婚生子。（她非常熟悉非传统交往；她的第一本书《色狼日记》就是写关于她偏好老男人。）

“你不必每周三四夜去见某个人表达爱，”她从伦敦通过电话告诉有线资讯网.

"在生活的其他每一个方面，我们寻求个人舒适，独立，推崇个人主义，”她说，“然而，你的这种同居关系的生活模式要得到社会认可。”

克罗伊登说，为了进展顺利，还是要强调伴侣的真实关系，因为既有浪漫和激情，但又“完全没有专任伴侣的单调和义务。”

《与人上床，缺乏亲密：为什么女人们满足于单边关系》一书的作者、弗吉尼亚州的临床心理学家吉尔·韦伯说，这种特殊的约会方式肯定能感觉增加了自主权，因为允许约会者划分这种关系界限。

“这种关系保护你，让你少受伤，”她说。

她说，但是早晚有一天，一方或者双方可能会有更强烈的感情和有更多的要求。

“最终，把我们彼此联系在一起的是人性的脆弱，”她断言。

韦伯说，相反，每一个情侣都感觉他们有自己的生活也是很重要的。

“在你的关系中，你应该感到安全和自在，”她说，意思是你不必时刻担心你的伴侣在哪儿，反之亦然。如果情况不是那样，就应该进行关于个人空间的谈话了。如果没能这样，可能是时候重新评估关系的健康状态了。

至于克罗伊登，她仍然单身一人，准备结交临时情人。