人之将死,其言也善:生命终结时五大遗憾

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

没有提到更多性或蹦极。曾经在将死之人最后日子里劝慰他们的一名护士揭示了在生命最后最常见的遗憾。排在前列的有，特别是来自男性的“我希望我没有如此辛苦地工作”。

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Bronnie Ware是一名澳大利亚护士，她花了好几年时间致力于临终关怀，在病人生命的最后12周照顾他们。她在一篇叫 《Inspiration and Chai》 的博客中记录了他们临死前的顿悟，这聚集了太多的关注，以至于她把自己的观察写到一本叫《将死之人的五大遗憾》的书里。

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Ware写到了人们在生命最后获得的异常清晰的远见以及我们如何从他们的智慧中学习。 “当被问到他们任何的遗憾或任何他们会完全不同地处理的事时，”她说，“相同的主题一次又一次地出现。”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

这里是将死之人的五大遗憾，正如Ware所见证的那样：

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

1．我希望我能有勇气过一种忠于自己的生活，而不是其他人希望我过的生活。

“这是所有人最常见的遗憾。当人们意识到他们生命即将结束以及清楚地回顾往昔，很容易看到很多梦想都不曾实现。大多数人没有兑现甚至一半的梦想且将不得不死去，知道这是由于他们做出的或没有做的选择。很少人意识到健康会带来自由直到他们不再拥有它。”

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

2．我希望我没有如此辛苦地工作。

“这是来自于我护理过的每个男性病人的遗憾。他们错过了孩子的青少年和妻子的陪伴。女性也谈到这个遗憾，但大多数是来自于老年一代，许多女性病人不曾养家糊口。所有我照顾过的男性病人都对耗费那么多生命在工作中存在的枯燥乏味而深感遗憾。”

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

3．我希望我能有勇气表达我的感受。

“为了与他人和平共处很多人都抑制他们的感情。因此，他们满足于平庸的存在，从来没有成为他们真正能够成为的人。许多人因为他们深藏的痛苦和仇恨而抑郁得病。”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

4．我希望我能和朋友们保持联系。

“他们常常不会真的意识到老朋友的好处直到临死前的几个星期，通常不可能追踪他们。许多人因为深陷于自己的生活让黄金般的友谊随着岁月流逝而溜走。有很多人深深后悔没有给予友谊应得的时间和精力。每个人在临终的时候都会想念他们的朋友。”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

5．我希望我能让自己更快乐。

“这是一个令人惊奇的常见遗憾。很多人直到最后才意识到幸福是一种选择。他们被困在旧的方式和习惯中。所谓熟悉的“舒适感”泛滥于他们的情感，以及他们的物质生活。当内心深处渴望适时大笑和在生活中再次犯傻时，对变化的恐惧让他们对他人、对自我假装满足。”

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

到目前为止你最大的遗憾是什么，你会在你死之前开始完成或改变吗?