Darn Battery

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　　The Buick wouldnt start. Considering it was 15 years old, this shouldnt have been a surprise. But, the battery wasnt that old. It was a Die Hard, sold by Sears. Gerard had bought it six years ago, but it was a 100-month battery. It was fully guaranteed for the first 12 months, and then pro-rated after that.

　　Gerard called Sears. The service rep told him he would probably get $10 to $40 credit toward a new battery. Gerard wondered how there could be such a $30 range, but he didnt bother to ask. If the problem was electrical, he asked the service rep, what would Sears fix? The rep said Sears only replaced alternators and starters; if the electrical problem involved something else, Gerard would have to take it to the dealer.

　　Gerard went out to pull the battery out of his car so he could recharge it overnight. Then he could hook the battery up the next day and use a meter to see if the electrical system was working properly. He opened the hood. He looked. He looked some more. Where was the battery?! Had someone stolen it?

　　He opened the manual. The manual said nothing about the location of the battery. He called up his friend Bryan. Bryan told him that he was looking in the wrong place; the battery was under the rear seat. Gerard scoffed. Nobody puts a battery under the rear seatexcept Volkswagen, he told Bryan.

　　Well, its got to be somewhere if its not under the hood, Bryan replied. Gerard went back out to the Buick and lifted up the rear seat. He found a few coins, some real old chewing gum, a paperback novel, and a watch batterybut no car battery.

　　Enough was enough. Gerard called AAAs emergency road service. Before the tow truck driver towed the Buick to Sears, Gerard asked him if he knew where the battery was. Oh, sure, he said. Its under the hood, but youd never know it because its completely hidden by the big, white plastic windshield washer reservoir.