第一次去海上游泳

今天，我在书房收拾东西。忽然，翻出了以前的相册，看到一张在沙滩的照片，令我情不自禁的想起了第一次到海里游泳的情景。

Today, I was packing in my study. All of a sudden, I turned out my previous photo album and saw a picture on the beach, which reminds me of the first time I went swimming in the sea.

那一年我7岁，在一个风和日丽的下午，我和爸爸妈妈去海上游泳。一下车，展现在眼前的无边无际蔚蓝色的大海和金黄色的沙滩。顿时我感到心旷神怡，我连忙换上泳衣，从爸爸的手上夺过游泳圈，一边跑向海边，一边想：我去遨游大海啰！

I was seven years old that year. On a sunny afternoon, my parents and I went swimming at sea. Once you get off, you can see the boundless blue sea and golden beach in front of you. Suddenly I felt relaxed and happy. I quickly changed into a swimsuit, grabbed the swimming circle from my father's hand, and ran to the sea, thinking: I'm going to swim in the sea!

下了水，水里凉快极了，爸爸游过来对我说：“整天抱着游泳圈不行的，来，爸爸教你游泳。”说完爸爸把我的游泳圈拿开了。他托着我的双手，可我很害怕呛到水，就拼命地挣扎，两条腿不停地蹬着水，慢慢地我感觉到我的身体往下沉。爸爸连忙托起我，笑着说：“你这样怎么可以游进大海呢！”我心有余悸，连忙套住游泳圈，艰难地漂到沙滩上。妈妈递过来一个苹果，安慰我说：“别害怕，爸爸会保护你的，吃完苹果继续练。”我一边吃苹果，一边想：是啊，好不容易来一次，真应该学会游泳。不一会儿，苹果吃完了，我又冲了下去，请求爸爸教我，爸爸耐心地说：“游泳时，你自己要放松，不要紧张。先学潜水吧！”于是我跟着爸爸学，可是我还是不敢，动作老是做不好。突然一个榔头打过来，我呛了一口又咸又苦的海水。爸爸一下就冒出了水面，把我吓了一大跳。他看着我就哈哈大笑起来，我心里可真不服气。

Under the water, the water is very cool, Dad swam to me and said, "it's not good to hold the swimming circle all day, come on, dad teaches you how to swim." Then Dad took my swimming circle away. He held my hands, but I was afraid of choking the water, so I struggled desperately. My legs kept pushing on the water, and slowly I felt my body sink. Dad quickly picked me up and said with a smile, "how can you swim into the sea like this!" I was so scared that I caught the swimming circle and drifted to the beach. Mom handed me an apple, comforted me and said, "don't be afraid, dad will protect you. After eating the apple, keep practicing." I eat apples and think: Yes, it's not easy to come here. I really should learn to swim. After a while, when I finished eating the apple, I rushed down again and asked my father to teach me. My father patiently said, "when swimming, you should relax yourself and don't be nervous. Learn to dive first! " So I followed my father to learn, but I still dare not, the action is always bad. Suddenly a hammer hit me and I choked on the salty and bitter sea water. Dad just popped out of the water and scared me. He laughed at me, and I couldn't believe it.

爸爸游的真棒，可以在水里呆那么久，我再试一试。于是我憋足了气，潜到水里，可是不到10秒钟，我憋不住了，一下子露出了水面。爸爸看到我这狼狈的样子又笑了起来。但我不灰心，模仿着爸爸的动作，一次，两次......终于能潜水了。

Dad swims so well that he can stay in the water for so long. I'll try again. So I held my breath and dived into the water, but in less than 10 seconds, I couldn't hold it, and suddenly came out of the water. My father laughed again when he saw me in such a mess. But I am not discouraged. I imitate my father's movements. Once, twice... I can dive.

就这样，一下午，我终于学会了游泳的“入门篇”——潜水，别提心里有多高兴啦！

In this way, one afternoon, I finally learned the "Introduction" of swimming - diving, don't worry about how happy it is!

点评：

Comment:

1.在大海里游泳是一件很惬意的事，但是要学会游泳却不那么容易，小作者就向我们描述了他第一次在海上游泳的经历，其中充满了学习的艰辛和成功的喜悦。内容真是完整，情节生动，层次分明。

1. Swimming in the sea is a very pleasant thing, but it is not so easy to learn how to swim. The young author describes his first experience of swimming in the sea to us, which is full of learning difficulties and joy of success. The content is really complete, the plot is vivid and the level is clear.

2.文章中将“我”学习游泳时的动作、感受及心理活动描写的十分细致生动，并通过爸爸的几次“笑”，衬托出“我”当时的尴尬情景。最终“我”凭借着坚持不懈的努力学会了潜水，成功后的喜悦不言而喻。

2. In the article, the movements, feelings and psychological activities of "I" learning swimming are described very carefully and vividly, and the embarrassing situation of "I" at that time is set off by Dad's several "smiles". Finally, "I" with unremitting efforts to learn to dive, the joy of success is self-evident.

3.语言自然流畅，故事脉络清晰，文章中心明确。

3. The language is natural and fluent, the story context is clear, and the article center is clear.