心理学家才知道的一些秘密

What are some things that psychologists know, but most people don't?

有哪些事心理学家知道但大多数人不知道？

获得371.8k好评的回答@Kevin Luo：

On those rare days that you’re running late for something due to a legitimate reason, it’s better to genuinely praise the other person for their patience than to apologize for your tardiness.

你偶尔由于正当理由迟到时，最好真诚地称赞对方的耐心，而不是为自己的迟到道歉。

The problem with apologizing is that, by attributing the negative feelings and associations of “sorriness” to yourself, you have now shifted all the negative spotlight onto you. Your boss is more likely to be psychologically programmed to think “Yeah, you better be sorry for being late! You made me wait 5 minutes - who do you think you are? You’re a terrible employee who doesn’t respect my time.”

道歉的问题在于会把消极的感觉和“抱歉”的联想都揽到自己身上，使所有消极的矛头都指向自己。老板的心理活动更有可能是“对，你最好为迟到感到抱歉，你让我等了5分钟，你以为自己是谁呀？你这个员工真差劲，不尊重我的时间。”

The benefit of praising is that, by showering your boss with positive praise on his or her patience, your boss is more inclined to think positively of him or herself, rather than think negatively of you. He or she will think to themself “Yeah, I am a patient person, aren’t I? In fact, it’s one of my proudest traits as a good boss and an understanding person - after all, it’s good to show my employees that I’m a patient individual.”

称赞对方的好处是通过多加称赞老板的耐心，使老板更倾向于对自己进行积极的评价，而不是对你产生消极的看法。他/她会对自己说：“对，我是个有耐心的人，不是吗？其实这是我作为好老板和善解人意的人最自豪的一个品质。毕竟向员工展示我有耐心这个优点也不错。”

Extra, extra, extra emphasis on the idea that one uses this on rare occurrences of being late - it is not meant to be for everyday use.

重点、重点、重点强调一下这只适合偶尔迟到的场合，不是每天都能用。

For those who are curious, this is Kevin Luo’s real-life example of using this:

有些人很好奇，下面就讲一个我自己运用这一技巧的实例：

A few months ago, I was late to a meeting with my manager for the first time due to someone dropping onto the tracks of the public train in Chicago. As such, the trains were paused from operating for a lengthy period of time that morning.

几个月前我跟经理开会第一次迟到，因为芝加哥有人掉火车道上了，导致那天早上火车中断了很久。

August 15th, 2017: A man’s body was found on the CTA tracks, pausing all CTA operations.

2017年8月15日：芝加哥捷运铁路上发现了一具男尸，中断了芝加哥交通管理局所有交通。

This happened 1 month after I had just started working at the office full-time. As you might imagine, it’s extremely important to have a good reputation as a punctual employee.

那时我刚开始全职办公室生活1个月，你能想到作为一名员工维护守时的形象极其重要。

When I arrived ~10 minutes late (which felt terrible, since it was my first time and only 1 month into the job), I did NOT say “Hey, sorry I’m late, something happened this morning.”

我迟到了10分钟（感觉很糟糕，因为是第一次迟到，而且刚入职一个月），我没有说：“抱歉我迟到了，早上遇到点事。”

Instead, I said something like “Hey, really appreciate your patience on this one - something happened this morning.”

相反，我这样说的：“真感谢您此时的耐心，早上遇到点事。”

Her response: “I heard - no worries.”

她回答说：“我听说了，没关系。”

This was a win-win move. I avoided the negative spotlight for something out of my control and shifted the positive spotlight on my manager’s character as a patient individual.

这是双赢的做法，既避免将消极的矛头指向我无法控制的事，又将积极的关注点指向了经理有耐心的品格。