看似有爱实际却很危险的恋爱习惯

Relationship Habits That You Think Are Loving, but Are Actually Dangerous

看似有爱实际却很危险的恋爱习惯

Making your partner your ultimate priority

凡事以另一半为重

"Making a partner your first priority before yourself is a 'spiritual don't' because the secret to life is to love another as icing on an already great cake. If you dare to make that person more important, you are out of balance in your energy field. You walk a fragile line with yourself, and if anything should happen, or they leave you, or the relationship changes course, then you are a fallen soul with no means to get up. One must love in a healthy way by always making themselves number one in self-care." - Audrey Hope, relationship expert.

“千万不要事事以另一半为重，因为锦上添花的爱情才是幸福生活的秘诀。如果你凡事以另一半为重，那你的能量场将处于失衡状态。自此，你生活得小心翼翼，如有意外发生或另一半离开了你或者你们的关系发生了变化，你的灵魂将会堕落，无处安放。谈恋爱的时候，凡事应以自我为重，这才是一种健康的恋爱观。”—恋情专家安德鲁·霍普（Audrey Hope）。

Trying to change someon

试图改变另一半

"Many times, a person will feel as though they can change their spouse to save or help. Once you stop taking your spouse's inventory you may feel less resentment and you may feel better about the relationship since the pressure is off you and now is back on the individual's lap." - Lisa Bahar, marriage and family therapist.

“很多时候，你觉得自己可以改变另一半来帮助或拯救他/她。当你不再试图改变另一半的时候，你会觉得世界如此美好，甚至开始对这段恋情改观，这是因为你不再承受改变他/她的压力，开始关注自我了。”—婚姻和家庭治疗师丽莎·巴哈尔（Lisa Bahar）。

Moving in together too soon

闪电般同居

"People come to me for advice often because they had a whirlwind few dates, and moved in after a few months of dating. Having made that commitment, they then realize, more fully, who the other person is and they're not happy. Maybe he or she is too close with an ex, has kids that were never mentioned, has debt, is a freeloader, etc. Always wait a year before moving in together—at least. This may seem like a long time if you're madly in love, but living together and making a long-term relationship last has more to do with compatibility and shared values than it does chemistry." - April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert.

“总有人在约会几次或约会几个月闪电般同居后向我寻求建议。做出这一承诺后，他/她才逐渐了解对方的真实样子，并对此不甚满意。或许对方和前任走得太近，或许他/她从未提及自己有个孩子，或许他/她负债累累，再或者，他/她是那种白吃白喝的人。个人建议至少相处一年以后再同居。如果你们正处于热恋期，一年似乎十分漫长，但同居和建立长久的关系可不只关乎化学反应，更注重的是彼此是否能和睦共处，是否有相同的价值观。”—恋情和礼节专家埃普丽尔·玛希尼（April Masini）。

Always picking up the tab

买单的人总是你

"You may think you are being so good and helping them, but in fact, you are not letting learn to stand on their own two feet. The more you lend them, the more you are making them dependent and discouraging them from becoming self-reliant." - Elliott Katz

“你可能觉得自己善解人意，是在帮助他/她，但实际上，这样做只会让对方依赖你。你越是借钱给他/她，他/她就越依赖你，越不想变得独立。”—埃利奥特·卡兹（Elliott Katz）。