美国感恩节聚会变身财务大讨论

For most American families, there's one major money-related tradition associated with Thanksgiving: Black Friday shopping. But for others, bargain hunting takes a back seat to a financial reality check. They use this time together as an opportunity to discuss and review a host of financial issues ranging from estate planning and wills to investment and philanthropy.

And financial advisers, who sometimes attend more formal versions of these Thanksgiving conversations, have much to share in terms of what direction these meetings can take. They stress that with a little preparation, and a lot of nonconfrontational goodwill, families can come out with an increased sense of connectedness, cooperation and shared vision.

Still, it's hard to gauge how family members will react, even to the most innocuous statements. Every tribe has its more emotional and melodramatic types, and so it's crucial to limit the chances of misinterpretation or outbursts. This may be especially true if younger adults are involved and feel cornered in front of the whole family, experts say.

"Listening is the most important part," says Ben Tobias, president of Tobias Financial Advisors in Plantation, Florida. If a son or daughter wants to join the Peace Corps instead of get a more traditional job, "find out the reasons why, and remember that doing something for two or three years can be a valuable experience. But ask, 'Have you given any thought to your plans after that?' You want them to look a little more in the future than just immediate gratification."

"It's like the facts of life talk with our kids; no one wants to have it, but you have to do it," says Eleanor Blayney, consumer advocate for the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards. "People worry that if they sit down with Mom or Dad, it will be awkward or difficult. But it's important to open up about your goals and aspirations, and then ask people in the family what their situation is. You model the conversation by sharing where you are."

Conversely, Blayney says these meetings may go "one generation up," where the needs of aging parents or grandparents get discussed. That gets tricky for many, as three out of four Americans have never discussed long-term care with their loved ones, according to Genworth's 2011 Financial Reality Check Study.

If that subject is on the agenda, "Be straightforward and don't take family members by surprise," says Genworth national spokesperson Wendy Boglioli. "Tell your family that you have something important you want to talk about and do it in a comfortable, pleasant setting."

"With elder parents, you have to ask them if they need some help with living expenses, medical expenses, all sorts of things," adds Bob Stammers, head of investor education for the CFA Institute, a global nonprofit of investment professionals from more than 100 countries. "Some people don't like to talk about it, and so you have to come at it from the heart. The older generation doesn't like to admit they need some help."

对于大多数美国家庭来说，有个主要的与钱有关的传统也和感恩节相关：“黑色星期五”购物。但是对于其他人来说，买便宜货倒是处于次要地位，更重要的是审视财务状况。他们利用感恩节的聚会来探讨并回顾众多财务问题，从房产计划、遗嘱，到投资和慈善，多种多样。

财务咨询师对于会议的方向上有很多经验可以分享，这些咨询师有时还参加更正式的感恩节交流会。他们强调，只需要稍许准备，友善且不针锋相对，家庭成员就能在交流中更具互通、合作和共享的意识。

但是我们依然很难估计家庭成员会作何反应，甚至是对一些无伤大雅的表述。每个家族都有自己情绪化和戏剧性的风格，所以减少误解或者情感爆发的几率至关重要。专家认为，如果有年轻人参加，而且感觉遭到整个家庭的排挤时，这一点尤为真切。

“倾听是最重要的，” 佛罗里达州普兰泰申的托比亚斯财务顾问公司总裁本•托比亚斯说道。如果儿女想加入美国和平队，而不是找一份更传统的工作，“找出原因，而且记住，花两三年做点事情是宝贵的人生经历。但要问问，‘你有没有想想这之后怎么办？’你想要子女们多想想未来，而不是暂时满足。”

“这有点像跟孩子讨论性知识，没人想这样，但你必须得做。” 注册金融策划师标准委员会的消费者权益倡导者埃莉诺•布莱尼说道。“人们担心坐下来和父母谈话很尴尬很艰难。但是坦诚地说出目标和愿望很重要，之后询问一下家人的近况。和他人分享你的境况可以引导谈话。”

但布莱尼却认为这些聚会可能变成“上一代”大讨论，讨论上年纪的父母或者祖父母的需求。这对很多人来说很棘手，房地产信托投资机构盖恩沃斯的2011年财务状况审视研究报告显示，3/4的美国人从未与家人讨论过长期照料问题。

盖恩沃斯公司的全国发言人温迪•博格利奥利说，如果这个话题提上议事日程，“直截了当地提出来，不要让家庭成员感到惊讶。告诉你的家人，你有重要的事想说，谈话要在舒适愉悦的氛围中进行。”

投资管理研究协会的投资者教育主管鲍勃•斯塔莫尔斯说：“对年迈的父母，你必须问问他们生活开销、医疗费用等等用不用帮忙。有些人不喜欢谈这些，因此你需要用心去说。老年人不喜欢承认自己需要帮助。”投资管理研究协会是一家全球性的投资专业资格非赢利性机构，会员来自100多个国家。