这些坏习惯会破坏你们的感情

Bad habits that affect your relationship

这些坏习惯会破坏你们的感情

Trying to improve your partner

试图提升另一半

First, let’s start with one of the worst bad habits for your relationship. “The idea that you can improve your partner puts you into a 'superior' role which skews the power balance in the relationship,” says Geoff Lamb, psychotherapist. “This isn't to say that it's not good for a relationship for partners to give each other feedback or say what you want from each other.”

首先，我们先聊聊谈恋爱最糟糕的习惯之一。“提升另一半的想法会让你觉得自己很有‘优越感’，从而破坏恋情的力量平衡，”心理治疗师杰夫·兰姆（Geoff Lamb）说道。“但这并不表示，一方不能给另一半意见；也不能表示一方不可以向另一方表达希望从对方身上获得什么。”

Bickering via text messages

发短信吵架

Having serious conversations via text message could lead to disconnect between couples, according to research from Brigham Young University. The study found that using text messages to apologize or work out problems had a negative impact on women’s relationship satisfaction. Don’t fall prey to these bad habits. The study also found that sending loving messages could enhance your relationship.

杨百翰大学的研究表明：发短信说一些重大问题可能导致情侣双方脱轨。研究发现：短信道歉或通过短信解决问题会让女性对恋情满意度打负分。不要成为这些坏习惯的牺牲品。研究还发现：发送浪漫的短信会让你们的感情更好。

Failing to have date nights

没有约会之夜

“I think it is crucial, especially in long-term relationships to prioritize intimacy in various ways, such as planning special dates to do fun things together, have romantic dates,” says Eva Weaver, sex coach, and somatic sex educator. “The attitude to think that sex needs to happen spontaneously can get in the way.”

“我认为优先考虑亲密关系很重要，对于长期恋情而言更为如此，比如规划特殊的约会，做一些有趣的事，规划浪漫的约会等，”性教练、身体性教育者伊娃·韦弗（Eva Weaver）说道。“认为性行为应自然而然地发生而不应加以计划或妨碍你们的感情。”

Posting about your partner online

在网上发关于另一半的帖子

Venting on social media can be dangerous for your relationship. “Your partner needs to feel safe with you in order to open up and connect,” explains Cate Mackenzie, psychosexual therapist and couples counsellor. “If you talk about your partner online without consent, then you could take away this secure way of attaching to each other and they may not wish to open up with you.”

在社交媒体上发泄可能不利于恋情发展。“和你在一起时，另一半如果有安全感，他/她才会吐露心声，和你交流，”心理治疗师兼夫妻顾问凯特·麦肯奇（Cate Mackenzie）解释道。“如果你未经另一半的同意，在网上发关于他/她的状态，可能会导致双方感情受到影响，他/她或许不愿意和你坦诚。”

Planning a detailed future together

一起详细地规划未来

Is your future already mapped out? Perhaps it shouldn’t be. “Leave a little bit of space for mystery and wonder and don’t make your relationship all about mortgages, career, retirement, and funeral plans,” advises Stella Anna Sonnenbaum, sexologist. “If you need to be pragmatic, and love planning, how about organizing a surprise trip to an exciting destination together and make it soon?”

你们已经对未来做出规划了吗？也许你们不应该这么做。“留点空间去向往吧，不要让你们的感情以贷款、职业、退休和丧葬计划为中心，”性学家斯特拉·安娜·索南鲍姆（Stella Anna Sonnenbaum）建议道。“如果你讲求实际，喜欢做规划，那可以组织一次令人兴奋的旅行，并于近期提上日程。”