那些不利于恋情的坏习惯

The "honeymoon stage" of a relationship is great, but once that comes to an end, we begin to notice things about our partner that we may have overlooked in the beginning. You or your loved one may be doing things subconsciously that are sabotaging your relationship. Annoying habits like leaving dirty clothes on the floor or leaving dirty dishes in the sink are one thing; but name-calling or hiding the phone is another.

甜蜜的恋情阶段十分美好，但一旦这一阶段到了尽头，我们会开始注意另一半身上不好的细节，而我们在刚谈恋爱时可能忽略了这些细节。你或你的挚爱可能在潜意识地做一些破坏你们感情的事情。将脏衣服扔在地板上或将脏盘子扔在洗碗池中就是让人恼火的习惯，但直呼名字或是藏手机就是另一个性质了。

Silent treatment

冷战

Avoiding and running away from conflict is not going to resolve anything. "Successful couples learn to fight well and find solutions quickly," sex therapist and relationship counsellor Giverny Lewis, says. "They don't avoid fighting altogether and shut each other out.

逃避、避免冲突并不会解决任何事情。"成功的CP知道如何争吵以及如何快速地找到解决方法，"性治疗师和情感咨询师吉维尼·刘易斯说道。"他们会正视争吵，不会让对方闭嘴。"

Checking their phone

检查对方的手机

"In the world of online relationships, more and more people are obsessively checking their partners' history, messages, and social media posts," Lewis says. "Unfortunately this is a double-edged sword." If you find something that looks suspicious, it's almost impossible to raise it with your partner - this means you need to reveal your snooping. "You also usually don't have all the context, so it's easy to misinterpret what you're seeing. And if you find nothing, often you assume they're just being extra secretive, and the cycle continues," she says. "If you're having difficulty trusting your partner it's best to talk to them and work out strategies together to address this concern."

"在网络恋情的世界中，越来越多的人痴迷于检查另一半的历史聊天记录、短信和社交状态，"刘易斯说道。"不幸的是，这种行为有利有弊。"如果你发现了一些猫腻，你几乎不会直接问你的对象--因为这意味着你要向他坦白你偷看他的手机了。"通常你看到的东西没有上下文，因此很容易产生误解。如果你什么都没发现，你就会假设他们十分谨慎，以此类推，循环往复，"她说道。"如果你很难相信自己的对象，那最好的方法就是和他们聊聊，并一起找出解决方法。"

Making assumptions

做假设

"Routines are fantastic and they help us feel secure in relationships, but familiarity can really kill the romance and excitement," Lewis says. "Getting stuck in the same old day-in, day-out habits can make the relationship feel stale and unrewarding." Relax a bit - have a mid-week date night, go on a weekend adventure or take on a new hobby together. You'll discover new things about your partner and reinvigorate the fire, she adds.

"一尘不变很美好，也能让我们在恋情中有安全感，但过于熟悉会扼杀浪漫和兴奋，"刘易斯说道。"每日每夜，习惯一尘不变，这样你们的关系就会没有新鲜感，而且也没有收获。"放松放松--周三的晚上出去约个会，周末去冒险或是一起培养新爱好。她补充道，你会发现对象身上有一些新的闪光点，让你重新对他充满热情。

Spending all your time together

总是腻在一起

"It may seem counter-intuitive, but spending too much time together can actually drive you apart," Lewis says. "Doing things separately helps to reinstate your individual identity and lets you grow alongside your partner." Go out and spend time with friends, find a solo after-work activity, or spend some time indulging on your own. "You'll have plenty to talk about and bring a fresh attitude back to your time with your partner," she adds.

"这看起来与大家的正常预期相反，但总是腻在一起实则会使你们分开，"刘易斯说道。"单独做事情有利于恢复你的个体身份，让你和对象一起成长。"出门和朋友聚聚吧，找一个下班后单独放松的活动，或是花些时间自己沉思。"这样当你与另一半在一起时你们就会有很多话要说，而且态度也会焕然一新。"她补充道。