桃前述怀

题说，谨以此文透析出一个真我。

Title said, I would like to dialysis out a real me with this article.

一缕春光从门缝里挤出来，给了这昏暗的屋子一点生气。书桌上的这盆夹竹桃大概也听到了春的召唤，开始泛出点点绿意。夹竹桃，传说是竹子爸爸和桃树妈妈的孩子，或许它什么也不能代表，但我相信它是有灵性的，在陪伴我走过了十八个春秋以后，它比谁都更了解我的过去和现在，比谁都更清楚我不为人知的弱点。

A spring light came out of the crack in the door, which made the dark room a little angry. The oleander on the desk probably heard the call of spring, and began to exude a little green. Oleander is said to be the child of bamboo father and peach mother. Maybe it can't represent anything, but I believe it has spirituality. After 18 years of accompanying me, it knows my past and present better than anyone else, and knows my unknown weakness better than anyone else.

我打开窗户，给夹竹桃浇了水，然后把翻完的年历从墙上取出，无奈地换上新的一本。这是第几次重复这个动作了？我并非衰老得记不清数，只是不愿意我又一次经历了由北雁南归到万物复苏的轮回，因为这意味着远去的韶华将离我更远。即使我闭上眼睛，停止思维，树上依然有雪在消融，我的夹竹桃也依然在进行着花开花落。

I opened the window, watered the oleander, took out the turned calendar from the wall, and reluctantly replaced it with a new one. How many times is this action repeated? I'm not too old to remember, but I don't want to experience the reincarnation of everything from north to south again, because it means that the distant youth will be far away from me. Even if I close my eyes and stop thinking, there is still snow melting in the tree, and my oleander is still blooming and falling.

年轻的时候，呵，说这显得太苍凉，那么，换个说法，前些年的时候，我可以原谅贫穷，却无法忍受平庸。而如今，我是不能贫穷的，缺钱的日子里，母亲那痛苦的呻吟把我吓怕了，于是平庸倒成了无可非议的事情。

When I was young, ah, it seemed too bleak. Then, to put it another way, in the previous years, I could forgive poverty, but I couldn't stand mediocrity. But now, I can't be poor. In the days of lack of money, my mother's painful moan scared me, and then mediocrity became an indisputable thing.

我也确实有过奋斗的雄心，每一个深夜，我都坐在窗前做题，发誓要和我的夹竹桃一起腾飞，它开花的时候我也结出了硕果。然而我的理想与信念，又怎能坚毅到在题海风云中打拼了数十载而依然纯真与鲜活？

I did have the ambition of struggle. Every night, I sat at the window and made a question, swearing to take off with my oleander. When it blossomed, I also made great achievements. However, how can my ideals and beliefs be so tenacious that I have been fighting for decades in the sea of topics and still be pure and fresh?

我曾认为自己是无坚不摧的，可倘若对手是时间，我必输无疑，这根源，夹竹桃知道，不在其他，而在我变幻无常的性格。

I used to think that I was invincible, but if my opponent was time, I would surely lose. This root, oleander knows, is not other, but in my changeable character.

我曾把誓言写在脸上，却不曾刻在心中，我很宽容，不仅宽容别人，更宽容自己，所以我罕有对错误的愧疚感和对失败的失落感。当一个日子从我迟疑着伸出来挽留它的手中溜过时，我也不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。

I have written the oath on my face, but it has not been engraved in my heart. I am very tolerant, not only to others, but also to myself, so I seldom feel guilty for mistakes and loss of failure. When a day slipped out of my hesitant hand to keep it, I couldn't help but feel my head wet and my tears burst.

历史最大的特点便是重复性。我这是第几次在我的小桃树面前追悔了！或许它也在嘲笑了。我再也不愿意做这类滑天下之大稽的事，因为它于我，不是滑稽，而是嘲弄，更是悲哀。

The greatest characteristic of history is repeatability. This is the first time for me to regret in front of my little peach tree! Maybe it's laughing too. I don't want to do this kind of ridiculous thing any more, because it's not funny for me, it's mockery, it's sorrow.

我唯一感到欣慰的是，我还敢嘲笑自己，还敢忍着巨痛撕开生命里虚伪的面纱。

The only thing I feel gratified is that I dare to laugh at myself and tear the veil of hypocrisy in my life with great pain.