如果朋友圈只剩你一个人单身

Making your way through this cruel, confounding, ever-changing world is difficult. Something make you anxious this week, or any week? Lay it on me at askdaveholmes@gmail.com. I'm here to help you minimize the damage you will necessarily inflict on the world. So, what's your problem?

一个人生活在这样一个残酷、混乱和不断变化的世界中是很困难的。这周有没有发生什么让你感到焦虑或是虚弱的事情呢？写邮件至askdaveholmes@gmail.com告诉我吧。我会帮助你，将你在这个世界上必将遭受的损害降到最低。那么，你有什么烦恼呢？

Dave,

戴夫，

I am newly 30, and feeling lost. I am pretty sure (ugh) I am gay, but have not come out-not for any fear of retribution, but I personally feel it is my business and mine only.

我刚刚30岁，感觉很迷茫。我确定自己是个同性恋，但由于害怕报应，我还没有出柜，我觉得这是我的事，也只是我一个人的事。

My real insecurity lies somewhere else at the moment. I have had the same best friends since grade school. Turning 30, they are all getting engaged or married or having kids. I am happy for them, truly. I want to be part of their new and exciting lives. But I am slowly circling the drain of being the only single friend left in a sea of couples. I have never really cared all that much, but I feel like now I am fighting a clock to find happiness, and that happiness exists only with a mate. I enjoy my single life and solitude, but I am feeling more and more out of place among the people whom I love the most. I feel like I cannot relate to them the same way anymore.

现在，我的不安来源于其它原因。自小学毕业起，我就拥有了那群最好的朋友。转眼我30岁了，他们都订婚了、或是结婚了、有孩子了。我真心为他们感到高兴。我希望成为他们全新而又激动的生活的一部分。但我却在被慢慢榨干，因为我是一群情侣中唯一的一个单身汉。我从未如此在乎过，但我现在却觉得我在争分夺秒的追求幸福，而只有同性才能给我带来这种幸福。我享受单身、孤独的生活，但我却与那群我最爱的人越来越不协调。我觉得再也不能像以前那样和他们心灵相通了。

How can I be single in a world of coupledom without crippling anxiety? Is this normal when you turn 30? It doesn't help that parents are nagging, work is not as fulfilling as it once was, and I am longing for a drastic change in life but have no idea where to begin.

如何才能在一群情侣中保持单身而又不感到焦虑呢？当你30岁时，这正常吗？父母唠叨、工作不如以往那般充实是没有任何帮助的，而我正渴望着生活发生巨大的变化，但却又不知从何开始。

-Andy

--安迪

It is completely natural to feel anxious when all of your friends are coupling up, which they seem to be doing right on schedule. But I'd ask you to pause your churning mind for a moment and ask yourself one simple question: Whose schedule are you on? Do you want to be in a relationship because you're ready to explore life with another human being? Or do you want it because you're the only one who doesn't have it? Does your happiness truly depend on having a mate, or is it this year's iPhone?

当所有的朋友都找到自己的伴侣，按着正确的人生计划进行时，你感到焦虑是完全正常的。但请你暂时不要胡思乱想，问自己一个简单的问题：你过的是谁的人生？你想要谈恋爱是因为你真的准备好和另一个人一起探索生活了吗？还是只是因为你是唯一一个没有谈恋爱的人，所以你才想要拥有恋情呢？你的幸福真的只能由同性带给你吗？会不会今年新出的iPhone就能给你带来幸福感呢？