不交流是幸福婚姻的秘诀?

It should go without saying that even happy couples fight (and here's what they fight about!) Still, with 40 to 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, the way you bicker might be more important than you realise.

毫无疑问，即使幸福的夫妻也会吵架（他们会争吵这些事情！）但是，40%至50%的婚姻仍然会以离婚收场，你们争吵的方式可能比你意识到的还要重要。

Think about the last argument you had with your partner. What was the root cause? If you pick fights over something you won't remember in two or three weeks' time, it could be a secret sign your marriage is headed for divorce. Thankfully, there's now an easy way to avoid it!

想想看：上一次和伴侣争吵是为了什么？根本原因又是什么？如果两三周后你都不记得你们当初为什么会吵架，那你就得小心了，这一迹象表明你的婚姻正在迈向离婚。幸运的是，有个简单的方法可以避免你们走向陌路。

Kara Lawler, blogger for Mothering the Divide, recently shared a bit of marriage advice with TODAY. According to her, one of the most surprising secrets of happily married couples is not their constant communication-but lack thereof.

近日，Mothering the Divide的博主卡拉·劳勒与TODAY杂志分享了她关于婚姻的一些小建议。她认为，夫妻之间维持幸福婚姻的最令人感到不可思议的秘密是他们并非总是交流问题--而是缺少交流。

It may seem counter-intuitive, but hear us out. Every co-inhabiting couple can relate to those small annoyances and grievances about living with their partner. But all that little stuff is exactly that: stuff.

看起来，这与咱们的正常预期恰恰相反，但客官，请听我说……同住一屋檐的夫妻都会对另一半的生活方式有小小的不满。但所有的小事情也只是事情。

Lawler writes that she resists the urge to pick fights about the little things, like when her husband leaves his shoes in the hallway or coats on the chairs. Doing so makes room-and saves energy!-for more important disagreements, she says. (By the way, this is what your fights reveal about your relationship.)

劳勒写道：她拒绝为小事争吵，比如当她丈夫把鞋子扔在走廊上或把外套扔在椅子上。这样做不仅能为更重要的争吵腾出空间，还能节省精力，她说道。（另外，你的争吵也会揭示你们的感情状态。）

'For us, the secret seems to be in staying quiet about one another's insignificant faults but at the same time, speaking up when needed-like over essential things, character things, big things, kid things, but mostly in doing so gently and with respect,' Lawler writes. 'Sometimes, we do it loudly, I guess, but we choose our battles carefully.'

"对我们而言，秘诀就是闭口不谈对方无足轻重的缺点，但同时，必要的时候还是要大声说出来--比如重要的事情、性格问题、大事、关于小孩的事，但最主要的是要平和的带着尊重另一半的态度谈论这些事，"劳勒写道。"有时候，我们会大吵大闹，我想，但我们会捡重要的事争吵。"

Their relationship isn't flawless, by any means. Still, though Lawler and her husband may bicker, they choose to work through those arguments together.

无论如何，他们的恋情并不完美。虽然劳勒和她的丈夫会偶尔拌嘴，但他们也会共同解决这些争吵。

'Perfection in any relationship is just an illusion,' Lawler wrote. 'It's not always roses and champagne. It's hard work; it is disagreement sometimes; it's choice; it's forgiveness; it's acceptance.'

"感情中，完美只是假象，"劳勒写道。"生活并不总是玫瑰和香槟，也需要努力经营，有时也会有争吵；这是种选择、是原谅、是接受。"