为什么现代恋情大多以失败告终?

Eli Finkel, a US university professor specialising in social psychology reckons there's a very common reason modern relationships fail - and it's all about our expectations. In an interview with The Atlantic about his new book The All-or-Nothing Marriage, Finkel explained he considers many people in relationships too idealistic.

以利·芬克尔（Eli Finkel）是美国一所大学的教授，专攻社会心理学。他认为现代恋情之所以失败存在一个普遍原因--都是因为我们的期望。在《太平洋月刊》（The Atlantic）对其新书The All-or-Nothing Marriage进行采访的过程中，芬克尔解释道，他认为很多恋爱中的人都过于理想化。

Basically, rather than just being content that our partner provides us with a spare pair of hands to sort out the home and go about our daily lives, we're expecting them to be everything to us. We are, he reckons, demanding WAY too much of them. A lot of modern couples expect their significant other to love them, duh, but also to 'help them grow' and become our best selves.

基本说来，我们不仅满足于另一半在家庭生活、日常生活中帮助我们，而且还期待他们成为我们的一切。他认为，我们对另一半的要求太多了。很多现代情侣都希望他们的另一半爱他们，但同时也期望另一半能'帮助他们成长'，成为最好的自己。

We want them to make us feel attractive, smart, hilarious, sexy, basically all the things all the time. And this, he says, is putting so much pressure on our relationships that we are totally screwing them up. Why though? Finkel says in the past 100 years, marriage and relationship expectations have blurred due to cultural changes.

我们希望他们能让我们感受到自己的魅力、智慧、幽默、性感，几乎时时刻刻都希望从他们的身上感受自己的美好面。他说道，这样做会对感情造成很大的压力，导致不欢而散。为什么会这样呢？芬克尔说道，过去100年间，婚姻和恋情的期待已经由于文化差异而变得模糊不清。

In his The Atlantic interview, he said: 'I would just urge everybody, think about what you're looking for from this one relationship and decide, are these expectations realistic in light of who I am, who my partner is, what the dynamics that we have together are?

接受《太平洋月刊》的采访时，他说道："我想要敦促每一位，想想你希望从这段恋情中得到什么，然后根据自己是什么样的人、另一半是什么样的人，以及我们在一起会怎样来决定这些期望是否实际。"

'If so, how are we going to achieve all of these things together? Or alternatively, how can we relinquish some of these roles that we play in each others' lives, and outsource them to, say, another member of your social network?'

"如果是，那我们又该如何一起实现这些期望？或者，我们该如何放弃在彼此生活中扮演的某些角色，并将这些角色交由社交生活中的其他人士扮演？"

What he's saying is, in order to not overload your partner with expectation, you probs could maybe go to a pal or family member for the assurances your significant other can't give you. And that's totally fine.

他说道，为了不对另一半产生过多期待，你或许可以从朋友或家人那里寻求另一半无法给予你的肯定。这是完全没问题的。

He continues: 'The question isn't, "Are you asking too much?" The question is, "Are you asking the appropriate amount, in light of the nature of the relationship right now?"

他继续说道："问题不是'你是否要求太多了？'而是'基于你们的恋情进展，你提出的要求是否合适？'"