对不起，错的人是我

I watched them with a heavy heart as they left until they slowly disappeared.

我心情沉重的目送他们离开，直到他们渐渐消失在远方。

It was such a heart-wrenching sight!

这场景多么让人心碎！

While I would be taking a convenient ride home, he would be trudging on foot along the highway, crossing several busy streets and down the rough and muddy road towards home.

我回家的路程很短，非常便捷，而他却要沿着高速公路艰难步行，穿过几条拥挤的街道，再沿着一条坑洼不平的泥泞小路回家。

It would not be an enjoyable strides and a light walk but a difficult and heavy one.

无论对坐在轮椅上的人还是推轮椅步行的人，这都不是一趟轻松的旅程，而是困难且艰辛。

He would be pushing papa in his wheelchair along the three- kilometer- length of the J Center Mall, where he just had his daily electrostatic energy therapy, towards our home in Ibabao.

爸爸刚在J购物中心广场做完静电理疗，他会推着坐在轮椅里的爸爸穿过购物中心直径三公里的广场，走回我们远在Ibabao的家。

I felt a pang of pain and guilt deep inside where my anger towards him was kept for many years.

我心中感到一阵剧痛和内疚，在内心深处，我多年来还一直保存着对他的恨意。

An anger that was drawn out of my love for him as my only, precious brother.

由爱生恨，我爱他，因为他是我唯一的，珍贵的弟弟。

I was angry because, for almost five years now, he never untangled himself from the intricates of a certain wrong thing.

我怨恨他，因为，差不多快五年了，他一直让自己陷于一桩复杂而且本就是一个错误的事件中，却从未设法脱身。

I was angry because he was too weak and slow to resist it and I felt that he became used to that mistake and probably not doing anything at all to solve it.

我怨恨他，因为他太软弱，太迟缓，无法拒绝这件事，我感到他已经熟悉并适应了这个错误，或许根本不想解决这个错误。

He must have waited for time's own way of bringing things into better perspectives.

他一定是想把一切都交给时间，让时间的魔力使事情变得更好。

Time's perfect ways of healing and forgeting. Time's own ways of coming out into much better solutions.

时间是治愈伤口最好的药，时间是忘却痛苦的孟婆汤。时间有自己的办法，让问题自己得到更好的解决。

I was just too afraid that Death might take him through a painful way and I wouldn't be able to accept it.

我只是太害怕，害怕死亡会以一种残忍的方式带走他，我的心无法承受这种结果。

Just the mere thought of this made me emotionally sick for years. I wanted him to get out of this all at once!

光是想到这种情况就让我数年来心中苦痛。我希望爸爸能马上从折磨中解脱！

Trying to hold back my tears and my urge to cry hard, I watched him and his slim figure as he pushed papa on his wheelchair.

我竭力忍住眼泪，扼制住自己想哭的强烈冲动。我看着他，看着他瘦削的身影，他推着轮椅上的爸爸。

In every turn of that wheels, i also find myself ever more guilty than him.

每次轮椅转动方向，我都发现自己比他更应该感到愧疚。

I had been angry about his weakness yet blinded about my own's failure to understand and forgive as a big sister.

我一直因为他的软弱而怨恨他，却没有看到，作为一个姐姐，我没有理解、原谅他，同样有错。

I refused to consider that, perhaps, he may have so much difficulty in fighting alone to overcome.

我没有考虑到，或许，他一个人孤军奋战的时候，需要克服那么多的难关。

I refused to open up my mind that he, too, must be so confused and needed acceptance.

我没有打开心结去为他着想，没有考虑到他一定也很困惑，一定也需要别人包容他。

I was so legalistic and blinded to see that he, too, is a human with frailties and shortcomings as much as I do!

我如此刻板，如此盲目，没有看到他同样是一个血肉之躯，有瑕疵，有缺点，就和我一样！

While he pushed papa in his wheelchair back and forth everyday with the hope that he can walk again, I was brooding up with my resentment.

他每天都推着爸爸在轮椅里走来走去，希望他能重新下地走路，我却在酝酿自己的恨意。

I never knew of his difficulties and fatigue as he bathed him everyday, did him passive exercises, put him on his potty, took him to bed and everything that I, myself, should be doing as the nurse of the family.

我从未了解过他的苦痛和疲惫，他每天给他洗澡，给他做被动操，带他上厕所，扶他上床睡觉，所有这些，本应是我做的事，我本应是这个家里的家庭护士。

Instead, I blamed him for bringing curse into the family for his stubbornness .

相反，我抱怨他固执己见，给家人带来了厄运。

I blamed him for the financial difficulties I was suffering for many years.

我为数年来自己承受的经济困境而抱怨他。

I was just too blind and deaf to see that he was not an evil after all.

我真是眼花耳聋，头脑糊涂，没有看到有错的人根本不是他。

That he had the character every parents would dream in a child.

我没有看到他具有的品格是每个父母做梦都希望自己的孩子具有的。

A child that would take care of them when they get old and sick.

这样的孩子，会在父母年老体弱，病魔缠身的时候照顾他们。

I was not able to sleep well that night.

这晚我无法安睡。

I was so overwhelmed with the fact that it is not him that has been wrong all the time, but me and my wicked heart.

我意识到一个事实，被它压得喘不过气来——原来一直以来错的并不是他，而是我和我这颗恶劣的心！