日本老龄夫妇流行“卒婚”：分开居住 爱意不减

When Yuriko Nishi's three grown-up sons left home, she asked her husband of 36 years an unusual question: Was there any dream married life had prevented him from fulfilling?

当大西百合子三个成年的儿子离开家之后，她问了与自己结婚36年的丈夫一个不同寻常的问题：他有没有什么梦想是因为婚姻生活阻碍而没有实现的？

"We started wondering what path should we be walking on," says Nishi, 66. "We told our children it was a good chance to evolve our family."

“我们开始畅想我们现在应该走什么样的道路，”66岁的大西百合子说。“我们告诉孩子们，现在是让这个家庭获得进一步演化的好机会”。

Like many others in Japan, the couple decided to graduate from marriage -- or "sotsukon."

像日本其他许多夫妇一样，这对夫妻决定从婚姻中毕业——也就是“卒婚”。

This was not divorce.

这并不是离婚。

Sotsukon is for couples still in love, who decide to "live apart together" in their sunset years to achieve their separate dreams.

“卒婚”是指仍然相爱的夫妇，他们决定在自己的晚年“分开居住”，以实现各自的梦想。

In a nation with an aging population, the idea has taken root.

在一个人口老龄化的国度里，这样的想法已经深入人心。

Living apart together

分开居住

Yoshihide Ito, 63, after working for decades as a cameraman in Tokyo, told his wife he wanted to escape city life and return to his home prefecture of Mie, in southern Japan, to become a rice farmer.

63岁的伊藤吉英在东京干了几十年摄影师，他告诉妻子，他希望逃离城市生活，回到自己位于日本南部的家乡三重县当一名种植水稻的农民。

Nishi wished to continue her career as a fashion stylist in the capital.

大西百合子则希望继续自己在东京的时尚造型师事业。

"He visits me once a month. I visit him for a week at a time, too," Nishi says.

她说：“他每个月来看望我一次。我也偶尔去陪他一个星期。”

Distance, she explains, helps the couple to miss and appreciate each other; they now plan date nights for the time they spend together.

她解释说，距离有助于双方之间的相互思念和欣赏：为了能有一起度过的时光，他们现在要提前筹划约会的夜晚。

"Our marriage is in good shape. We share two totally different lifestyles."

“我们的婚姻完好无损。我们共同分享着两种完全不同的生活方式。”

Graduating from marriage

从婚姻中毕业

The term "sotsukon" was coined in 2004 by Japanese author Yumiko Sugiyama in her book "Sotsukon no Susume" -- "Recommending the Graduation from Marriage."

“卒婚”一词是2004年由日本作家杉山由美子在《推荐卒婚》一书中创造的，意为“从婚姻中毕业”。

"In Japan, traditionally the man is the head of the household, and the wife lives under his financial support as a domestic worker," says Sugiyama.

杉山由美子说：“在日本传统中，男人是一家之主，妻子则是依靠男人供养的家务劳工。”

"I wondered what if each member of the married couple could obtain more freedom to do what they want without getting divorced?"

“我想知道，如果已婚夫妇能够在不离婚的情况下获得更多自由，去做他们想做的事情，会怎么样？”

The imagination of the Japanese public was captured -- particularly that of the housewife -- at a point when changing demographics in the nation were reshaping society.

在日本不断变化的人口状况正在改变社会结构的时刻，公众——尤其是家庭主妇——心中幻想的东西被准确地捕捉到了。

Just one million babies were born in Japan in 2017, according to government figures. That tally is the lowest figure on record in the Asian nation.

根据政府的统计数字，2017年日本只有100万新生儿。这个数字是有相关记录的亚洲国家中最低的。

Furthermore, Japanese women in the same year had the longest life expectancy in the world -- 86.83 years -- according to the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry.

此外，根据日本厚生劳动省的数据，同年日本妇女的平均寿命为世界之最，达86.83岁。

"That means the longest period in a woman's life is after her kids have gone," says Masako Ishii-Kuntz, a professor of sociology at Ochanomizu University, in Tokyo. "Many empty-nesters have nothing left to do but care for their husband. They realized they should pursue their own hobbies and happiness."

东京御茶水女子大学的社会学教授石井真子说：“这意味着女人生命中最长的一段时间是在孩子离家之后。许多空巢女性除了照顾自己的丈夫外没有其他任何事情可做。她们意识到应该去追求自己的爱好和幸福。”

Dream catchers

追求各自的幸福

In recent years, celebrity endorsement has pushed sotsukon deeper into the mainstream.

在最近几年，名人的支持推动“卒婚”现象更加深入地进入了主流社会。

Most famously, in 2013, Japanese comedian Akira Shimizu and his wife announced they would graduate from marriage, and published a book "Sotsukon -- A New Form of Love."

最著名的例子是2013年，日本喜剧演员清水明和妻子宣布将从婚姻中“毕业”，并出版了《卒婚：爱的新方式》一书。

While there are no official figures on how many couples in Japan have followed this path, a 2017 survey commissioned by Interstation architecture agency in Tokyo found a widespread desire to do so.

尽管没有具体的官方数字，但2017年由Interstation建筑事务所委托在东京进行的一项调查显示，人们有广泛的“卒婚”意愿。

Of the 200 married women polled, aged between 30 and 65 years old, 56.8% said they eventually wanted to graduate from marriage.

在接受调查的200位年龄在30至65岁的已婚妇女中，有56.8%的人表示，她们最终希望从婚姻中“毕业”。

Retirement was the period of life most women identified as the ideal point to undertake sotsukon.

退休被大多数妇女当作是开始“卒婚”的理想时间点。

Be nice to your wife

日本女性地位提高

More recently, Japan's Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has made women entering -- and remaining in -- the workforce a pillar of his economic policy. "Abenomics is womeneconmics," he declared at the World Assembly for Women in Tokyo last August.

最近，日本首相安倍晋三已经把女性进入——并且持续留在——劳动力队伍中作为自己经济政策的一个支柱。去年8月他在东京的世界妇女会议上宣称：“安倍经济学就是妇女经济学。”

In 2017, 64% of women aged 15 to 64 in Japan were working, compared to 46% in 1969. "More Japanese women are now at work and therefore receiving pensions," says Ishii-Kuntz. "The wife knows she can make her own living."

2017年，日本年龄在15岁至64岁的女性中，有64%的人是职业女性，而这一比例在1969年时为46%。石井真子说：“现在有更多的日本妇女进入了职场，因此将会有退休金。妻子们知道她们可以自食其力。”

To Ito, this is important. "I don't know if we can really call it sotsukon if the wife's lifestyle is being paid for by the husband," he says. "Wives need to be financially independent to truly graduate from marriage."

对伊藤来说，这一点十分重要。他说：“如果妻子的生活方式是由丈夫出钱维持的话，我不知道那是否真的可以称之为‘卒婚’。做妻子的需要在财务上独立，才能名副其实地从婚姻中毕业”。

Individualization of the family

家庭成员日趋独立

The Japanese family as a whole is changing, says Ishii-Kuntz。

石井真子说，作为一个整体，日本家庭正在发生变化。

"Family members have become more individualized. Each family member is allowed to seek whatever he or she wants, rather than spending all their lives taking care of family members," she says.

她说：“家庭成员变得个性化。每一个家庭成员都可以寻求他或她想要的东西，而不是把一辈子都用于照顾家人。”

Multiple generations of adults living in one household is becoming increasingly rare in Japan, she adds. Furthermore, it is not unusual for husband and wife to sleep in separate beds in the same room.

她补充说，几代同堂的家庭在日本正在变得日益罕见。此外，夫妻在同一个房间里分床而睡的情况也并不少见。

Perhaps sotsukon is the ultimate climax of that individualization.

也许“卒婚”是这种个性化的终极表现。

Graduating from the traditional strictures of marriage, however, does not have to translate into an end of intimacy or loss of love.

不过，从婚姻的传统束缚中“毕业”，未必需要解释为亲密关系的终结或爱情的消失。

Nishi smiles: "After having lived apart, I cherish him more. If I marry again, I want to marry him."

大西百合子微笑着说：“在分开居住后，我更加珍惜他了。如果我再结一次婚，我希望还能嫁给他。”