恋爱婚姻家庭:幸福美满婚姻的秘密,期望值不能太高

Newlyweds advised to lower hopes

期望值不能太高

The secret of a long and happy marriage appears to be not to expect too much from it.

长久而又幸福婚姻的秘密在于不要期望太多。

US researchers say that, unless you have superior relationship skills, your hopes of cosy coupledom are likely to be dashed.

美国的研究人员说，除非你具备处理婚姻关系的高超技巧，否则你对美满婚姻的憧憬很可能会破灭。

Far better, they say, to aim low to ensure you are not disappointed.

他们还说，最好降低对婚姻的期望，这样可以保证你不失望。

The key to keeping that newlywed glow appears to be forgiveness and communication.

宽恕和交流是保持新婚激情的关键。

The study, by researchers from Ohio and Florida Universities looked at 82 couples.

来自美国俄亥俄州和佛罗里达州各大学的研究人员对82对夫妻进行了研究。

They quizzed all the spouses independently over four years.

研究人员在4年多的时间里对所有的配偶单独进行研究。

Their study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found those who believed their partner would be unfailingly kind, loving and agree with their every word, could retain their positive outlook by being forgiving, and having charitable explanations for their partner's negative behaviour.

他们的研究成果发表在《人格和社会心理学》杂志上。他们发现那些相信自己的伴侣会永远对自己好，永远爱着自己，同意自己每一句话的人会对婚姻的前景保持积极乐观的态度，因为他们能够宽恕并仁慈的解释伴侣的消极行为。

However those with high expectations but without those relationship skills are likely to be brought down to earth fairly quickly as their Prince or Princess Charming falls off their pedestal.

然而，那些对婚姻期望太高却又不具备处理婚姻关系技巧的人，一旦他们心中的白马王子或白雪公主从神圣的光环中跌落，他们可能很快就被迫回到现实中。

In contrast, the researchers say holding a more prosaic view of your loved one means you are less likely to be disappointed, and therefore more satisfied with your marriage.

相反，研究人员说，用平常心来看待自己的爱人就意味着你不太会失望，所以也就会对婚姻更加满意。

Writing in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers led by James McNulty, professor of psychology at Ohio University, said: "In contrast to the idea that expectations in the early years of marriage exert main effects on satisfaction, the current findings suggest that the effects of expectations interact with the skills partners bring to their relationships."

由俄亥俄州立大学心理学教授詹姆斯·迈克纳蒂领导的研究者们在《人格和社会心理学》杂志上发表文章说：“以往的研究表明，结婚最初几年对于婚姻的期望值会对婚姻的满意程度产生重要影响，与此形成鲜明对照的是，目前的研究表明期望值的影响力与伴侣对其婚姻关系所采用的技巧是相互作用的。”

Previous research found that people tend to select like-minded partners who they believe will be able to maintain a stable relationship.

上述研究还发现，人们倾向于选择志趣相投的伴侣，他们相信这样能够维持一份稳定的婚姻。

The finding contradicts the old adage that opposites attract.

这一发现与过去所认为的“不同性格相互吸引”的说法截然不同。

Instead, the US researchers said people looking for long-term relationships should select partners who were similar to themselves, rather than seeking out the highest quality partner available.

取而代之的是，美国的研究人员说，寻找长期婚姻关系的人们应该选择与自己性格相近的伴侣而不是寻求最优秀的伴侣。