不争执不对立：正确处理同事间争执

Not all conflict is bad. When the disagreement is about things, processes, or tasks, getting into it can be quite productive. But when it becomes a personal issue with another person, it can damage your working relationship and your career.

并不是所有冲突都不好。当事情、流程或任务出现分歧时，深入讨论会很有成效。但如果是与别人的私人问题，争执会伤害你的人际关系和事业。

Even if the other party is “wrong” and you are “right” (though this is less often the case than we like to think!), your actions impact the situation… for better or for worse. For the most productive outcome, try going through the following steps before resorting to negative coping strategies:

即使对方是“错误的”，你是“正确的”（虽然这种情况发生的频率比我们想的更少），你的行动会影响事态——变得更好或者更糟。为了最有效的结果，在用消极的应对策略前尝试以下步骤：

1. Find the Positive

1. 找到积极的一面

When seething with hate or anger, it is much more likely we will cross the line, or otherwise exercise poor judgment. Get control over your emotions by thinking of good things this person has done in the past, considering why you want to maintain a good relationship in the future, and (cliche as it sounds) finding the bright side of the situation.

当怀着满腔仇恨或愤怒时，我们更有可能失去理智或者判断失误。想想这个人以前做的好事，考虑下你为什么想和他保持良好的关系，以及（听着像陈词滥调）找到事情积极的方面，这样能控制住你的情绪。

2. Stop Enabling

2. 不要让别人改变

Many times we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict when we dislike the way another person has behaved habitually. But relationships are dynamic — we behave differently when interacting with different people. To break a cycle of ineffective interactions, find a way to do things a little differently next time from your side of the relationship.

很多时候争执是发生在我们不喜欢别人行为习惯的时候。但是人际关系是动态的——我们与不同的人交流时有不同的表现。为打破无效互动的恶性循环，下次交流时自己想办法做些改变。

3. Shift Your Perspective

3. 转变你的视角

Step outside of your head and look at the situation from their perspective. Look at things from a diverse point of view, focusing on the point of view of people whom you respect. How would each of them think about the problem you are experiencing? Thinking creatively will improve your chances of making a good decision.

跳出自己的思维模式，从他人的角度看问题。从不同的角度看待事物，关注你所尊敬的人的观点。他们会如何思考你正在经历的问题？创造性思维将增加你做出好决定的机会。

4. Prepare for a Conversation

4. 为谈话做好准备

Write a script: plan to describe the situation and describe the impact it had on you. Prepare what your limits and allowances are in advance. Find a way to stay calm, and practice communicating your message in a non-threatening, and non-defensive manner. How you present yourself during the first sentence or two will determine what type of conversation it is going to be.

写个底稿：准备好描述情况以及对你的影响。提前定好你的底线和容忍度。找到保持冷静的办法，并练习用不威胁、不护己的语调表达信息。前两句话的表达方式将决定对话的基调。

5. Be Direct

5. 直接点

Be explicit in what you say; don’t talk in a circle and don’t force the person to make even small leaps in logic. To avoid a situation where emotions escalate, focus on your predetermined purpose, and do not react. You can be as direct as you need if you are able to demonstrate caring and empathy.

明确要说什么；不要绕圈子也不要让对方的逻辑思维有跳跃。避免出现让情绪爆发的情景、专注于你预想的目标并不要轻举妄动。如果你能表现出关心和同情，那大可以直接点。

6. Work Together

6. 一起工作

Just because you said it, and they heard it, don’t automatically assume your message has been interpreted the way you intended. Have a deep conversation about intentions, mistakes, behaviors, and consequences to ensure mutual understanding. Be open to the possibility that they have a problem with you and you may need to make some changes as well.

别仅仅因为你说了，他们也听了，就自动假设你的信息已按预期的方式被理解了。深入沟通下意图、错误、行为和后果以确保双方理解了信息。要接受他们不理解你以及你可能要做些修改的可能性。