社交课堂：如何跟充满负能量的人打交道

If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. – Mary Engelbreit

如果你讨厌什么，就改变它；如果你不能改变，就改变你的态度。——玛丽·恩格尔布赖特

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

不论外面的天气如何，有些人头上总是阴云密布。他们的负面态度对你自己的情绪也有害处，你也许觉得对此你无能为力。

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

但事实并非如此。

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

如果你想有效对付那些负能量的人，成为正能量的拥护者，最好的办法就是采取下面的这些措施。

1. Limit the time you spend with them

限制和他们相处的时间

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

首先我们要明白这一点。你可能比卡通人物还要积极乐观，但即使这样，你的激情还是有可能被某位朋友的持续负能量所折磨。

In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

事实上，负能量会损害你的健康，让你容易受到压力过大甚至心脏疾病的侵害，这一点已经被证实了。我们没有理由因为他人的坏情绪而受到伤害。

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

虽然做到这一点要根据你自身的情况，可能会有点难办。但试着少和负能量的人相处会防止你自己的精神也受到影响。

2. Speak up for yourself

为自己发声

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

不要只是默默吸收了你不停听到的那些评论，尤其当它们和你有关时。聪明的做法是快速倾听，慢慢说话。但是如果太沉默，给人的印象就是你已经接受了他们所说的话。

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

不要假装他们的表现没问题

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

这是一个很容易掉入的陷阱。要向这些人指出他们持续的负能量不是一件好事。我们不想这样做是因为让别人沉浸在他们的痛苦之中要容易得多，我们更愿意置身事外。

But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

但如果你为了他们好，就不要给他们这个错误的印象，让他们以为自己的负能量是正常的。

4. Don’t make their problems your problems

不要把他们的问题变成你的问题

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

虽然我认为同情心是一份礼物，但它可能很危险。当我们听见某个朋友或者家人的抱怨，我们总是和他们一起承担起了烦恼。

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

这是一个坏习惯，尤其如果这个人总是满身负能量。这种人很可能为了博取同情而包装出一个故事。

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

否则他们为什么要和你分享这些负面的事情呢？

5. Change the subject

改变话题

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

当你怀疑一场对话即将开始讨论负面话题，改变这个话题，赢得正能量。当然，你这样做的时候也不能忽略对方所谈论的内容。

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

听听他们的评论，但不要等到他们开始向你抱怨而收获快乐，赶快转移话题。

6. Talk about solutions, not problems

谈论解决办法，而不是问题本身

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

有时候，如果你想要对付那些负能量的人，改变话题行不通。但这并不意味着你就无法积极一些。

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

我明白，当有人开始向我抱怨时，我一时不知道该说些什么。其实关键在于你可以就问题的解决办法做出回应。

You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

你可以问一些问题，比如“那该怎么解决呢？”或者“你觉得他们怎么想？”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

利用你的洞察力，找出一个可以帮助你的朋友解决办法的合适回应。

7. Leave them behind

别管他们

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

很遗憾，有时候我们是在没办法理会这些朋友，尤其当你已经竭尽全力想要建立一种积极的关系。

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

如果他是你的家人，当然你们还有关系，但你也许依然应该限制他们对你的幸福所带来的影响。