别信规则信自己:10条毁掉你爱情的规则

Every time you go on a date, you're faced with 347 "rules" on how to act, what to say, when to call him, when to kiss him and how to play "the game." We're done with that. Dating rules are dead. The rules say that you should Always do this and Never do that, but our take is this: Never trust a rule that begins with "Never," and always question a rule that begins with "Always."

每次你去约会，对于如何表现、说什么、何时打电话给他、何时吻他以及如何玩“爱情游戏”，你要面对347“规则”。我们受够了那些。约会规则是死的。规则说你总是应该这样做，永远别那样做，但我们的建议是这样的：永远不要相信“从不”开头的规则，总是质疑一下以“总是”开头的规则。

10 ways traditional rules can ruin a date

10条毁掉约会的传统规则

1.They make you less authentic.

Rules like "Men Love Bitches" have a sneaky way of making us play a game, put on an act and avoid being our true selves. But if you're dating someone, shouldn't they, well, sort of like your true self?

1.他们让你没那么真实。

就像“男人爱贱人”的规则以一种卑鄙的方式让我们游戏其中，装模作样，避免真实的自我。但如果你和别人约会，难道他们就一点不像真实的自己吗？

2.They make you over-think.

Dating should be fun. But how can you relax when you're counting the hours between calls, the days between dates, and whether he's following Rule 1138?

2.他们让你想的过多。

约会应该是快乐的。但当你在每个电话之间数着几个小时，每次约会之间数着日子，以及他是否遵循1138号规则，你怎么能放松？

2. They're unrealistic.

Example: We've all heard the rule that you should "never date a co-worker." Only problem? The rule is blind to reality. 38% of working adults will have an office romance. So, instead of saying "Never Do It," it's more helpful to focus on strategies of how to do it well.

3．他们是不现实的。

例如：我们都听过这样的规则，你应该“绝不约会同事。”唯一的问题吗？这条规则无视生活。38%的成年人将有一场办公室恋情。因此，不是说“绝不这样做”，注重策略如何做好才更有帮助。

4. They weed out people you might actually like.

Maybe that guy a few cubicles over -- or the one who lives across the country -- isn't a practical person for you to date, but since when is love practical? The Rules make you doubt your instinct to take risks, and it's hard to find love when you're playing it safe.

4．他们淘汰你可能会喜欢的人

也许那个就在几个隔间不远处的家伙，或一个全国出差的人——不是你该约会的现实对象，但什么时候爱情是实际的了？这些规则使你怀疑你冒险的本能，但你谨慎行事时很难找到真爱。

5. They make you assume "He's just not that into you."

This rule makes you dump a guy at the first sign of trouble. True, certain red flags mean you should bolt, but sometimes, he just really is that busy.

5．他们让你认为“他只是没那么喜欢你。”

这条规则让你在一有麻烦迹象的时候甩掉那个家伙。真的，某些危险信号意味着你应该逃离，但有时，他就真的那么忙。

6. The traditional rule of "The man should take her to dinner" can backfire.

Dinners can be weird. You have no escape, you fret over what you should order and whether it's in the socially acceptable price range (pasta or steak?), and then, finally: Stomachs. They exist and they have consequences.

6．“男人应该带她去吃饭”的传统规则可能适得其反。

晚餐可能是奇怪的。你无法逃脱，你担心你应该点什么，是否在社会可接受的价格范围内(意大利面还是牛排?)，然后，最终：胃。他们就在那以及他们会有问题。

7. They leech the fun out of dating.

In the sequel to The Rules, authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider even offer a grid -- yes, a grid -- that tells you exactly how much time to wait before texting him back, based on when he texts and how old you are. There's nothing fun about a grid.

7．他们剥夺了约会的乐趣。

在《规则》续集中，作者Ellen Fein和Sherrie Schneider甚至提供了一个网格——是的，网格——告诉你在回他短信之前到底要等多久，基于他什么时候发短信以及你多大了。关于这个网格没有什么有趣。

8. They're prudish.

Okay, let's address our book's title: It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: and Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked. No one's saying that you should hook up on the first date. But if you want to? Go for it. (The guy's not going to "lose respect," and if he does, he's a hypocrite.) We've heard countless stories where people have hooked up on the first date and then eventually gotten married.

8。他们是假正经。

好吧，让我们重申我们书的标题：《第一次约会和他睡觉没事：揭秘约会的其他规则》。没有人说在第一次约会时你应该上钩。但是如果你想？去吧。(这家伙不会“失去尊重”，如果他这样做，他是一个伪君子。)人们第一次约会就上钩，然后最终结婚这样的故事我们已经听过无数。

9. They're sexist.

The rules spawn from an era when the woman's only job was to make sure the meatloaf was ready by 7 p.m., when we didn't have to worry about nonsense like "equal rights," when you could puff cigarettes when you're pregnant and when we had to follow rules like "Find a man who makes more money than you." Ugh.

9．他们是性别歧视。

女人唯一的工作就是确保烘肉卷7点前准备好的时代这些规则就产生了。当我们不用担心“平等权利”这样的胡说八道，当你怀孕了可以吸烟，当我们不得不遵循“找一个比你赚钱多的人”的规则时。呃。

10. They spread fear.

Most traditional rules are fear-based. You'll screw it up if you kiss him too soon! He won't like you if you pursue! Our take is a little more straightforward: Don't trust The Rules, trust yourself.

10．他们传播恐惧。

大多数传统规则是基于恐惧。如果你吻他太早你会把约会搞砸！如果你主动追求他不会喜欢你！我们的建议是一个更直接一点：别相信规则，相信你自己。