男闺蜜当道：为什么你们只是朋友？

Why You're Just Friends

为什么我跟她只是朋友？

We've all been there -- crushing on that girl we're hanging out with, thinking this might actually go somewhere. And the more time we're spending together, the more we realize how much we actually like her: how she talks, how she laughs, that she can chill with us like one of the guys.

我们都有过这样的经历：对经常跟我们混在一起的那个女生有了感觉，觉得大家的关系可能会有所发展。跟她在一起的时间越久，我们就越发意识到有多喜欢她：她说话的样子，她笑起来的样子，她会像兄弟一般陪伴在我们身边。

And then there's that moment, when we realize that we haven't really made a move yet. Were we waiting for her to go for it? Were we not sure she'd be into it? All of the sudden, she's talking about another dude, she's bringing you into the bathroom with her while we're talking on the phone and calling us for advice.

也就是在那一刻，我们意识到，我们的关系其实并没有更进一步。在等她挑明？不确定她是不是懂你的心？然后突然有一天，她嘴里眼里心心念念的是另外一个人，打电话给你寻求恋爱意见，实实在在的从头到脚给你泼了一瓢冷水。

8. She Feels Rejected

她觉得被拒之门外

When you purposely go into the "friend zone" a girl might immediately put you into the friend-only category because, although she might have initially felt some sort of attraction to you, she now feels that you do not share those feelings and it's hard to switch back after a deep friendship has been formed. It’s hard to change our minds back unless something happens to change our perspective.

如果你有意想进入她的“朋友专区”，那她可能会立马把你划到“只能做朋友”的类别中。虽然她可能在刚开始对你有吸引的感觉，但是一旦她感觉到你并没有分享同样的感受，而你们之间已经建立了深厚的友情，那她的感觉就很难拨乱反正了。除非有什么事情发生让我们改变看问题的视角，否则我们的思维是就很难再变回去了。

7. She's Already Moved On

她已经开始了新感情

I have a timing threshold between when a guy becomes a "friend I could potentially date" and a "friend who will only ever be a friend." What happens with the timing thing is that once I become close to a guy, with the "he's one of my best friends" mindset, it's past the point of no return. He's the one I turn to when I have problems with the guy I might be dating at the time, the one I'm not afraid to let see me looking my worst, and the one I can rely on when I need anything. But, this is always with the understanding that he's my friend. Nothing more.

女生的心里是有个时机门槛的：“可能会约会的朋友”和“只能做朋友的朋友”可大不一样。这个时机就是，一旦女生跟某个男生很亲密，心里有了“他会是我最好的朋友”的想法，那么这个时机就过了，再也无法回头了。最好的朋友，意味着我会跟他聊我恋爱中的所有问题，我也不怕让他看到我最丑的样子，我有任何需要都可以指望他。但在我的心里，他只是我的朋友，再无其他。

6. You're Not Being Decisive

你太过犹豫不决

Women are into decisive men who know what they want. Women want to feel wanted and swept off their feet. The whole "friendship" gimmick is not attractive to women. If that's your approach to a woman you're interested in, you're showing that you're indecisive, scared and don't know what you're looking for. They want you to see their potential right away and then pursue them.

女人喜欢决绝果断，明确知道自己想要什么的男人。这样女人才会有一种被需要的感觉，会让她们神魂颠倒。“友情”这种骗人的把戏对女人没有吸引力。如果培养友情是你接近感兴趣的姑娘的方式，那么你就是在表现自己不够果断、战战兢兢和无所适从的一面。女人想要你马上看到她的潜力，然后展开攻势。

5. You're Afraid Of Dating

你在害怕约会

I think that you've come to rationalize avoiding something that's difficult for you. You have to learn to date. I know it's awkward and scary, but what you're doing [if you try to be friends first] is trying to find some shortcut or loophole or easy way out that will allow you to avoid doing something that I think you know you need to do. This same psychology is why overweight people keep buying miracle pills instead of getting on the treadmill.

只做朋友不恋爱，我觉得你只是在合理地避免一些困难的事情，你必须学会如何约会。我知道约会很尴尬很吓人，但如果你想先做朋友，那你只是在走捷径找漏洞，用轻松简单的相处方式让你可以免于约会里的种种麻烦。这跟超重的人拼命买特效药而不愿意运动减肥的心理是一样的。

4. You Haven't Made Her Feel Desirable

你没有让她觉得自己魅力不可挡

Of course you should be respectful and not treat women as objects, but it is quite possible to do that and act like a man and make a woman feel like she is beautiful and desirable at the same time. Women don't want to be treated as porcelain dolls -- they want to be treated as adults. And in the context of dating, most of them like being treated as attractive, sexy adults by a man who acts like a man, not one who acts like a starstruck boy.

你当然应该尊重女性不能拿她们当玩物，但是同时你也应该像个男人一样，让女人觉得她很漂亮很有魅力。女人可不想被人当瓷娃娃一样对待，你得拿她们当成年人看待。在约会的情况下，女性大都希望能被对方当做魅力而性感的成年人对待，而相对地，男性也别表现得像个幼稚的追星族一样。