会毁掉你的谈话的坏习惯

为什么他没有再联系我？为什么我的笑话她没有笑？为什么他们不想继续说下去了？你有没有过那种感觉，或许是你做的或说的某个事破坏了你的谈话（甚至使你们的关系恶化！？）。你也许没有朋友或机器能够给你提供建议，但有一些非常普遍存在的错误你应该要注意到。通过一些自我反思和自我认识，至少可以确保你不再对你们这间的交流或是关系造成破坏。

Let's look more closely at four of the bad habits:

让我们再仔细看看这四个坏习惯：

1. Are You a Parrot?

Do you find yourself just paraphrasing or repeating what the other person said? If they say, “that was a cool movie!” do you say, “Yeah, that was a really cool movie!”? Parrots act like they are having a conversation, but in reality, they rarely actually offer anything substantive. Parrots rely on echoing and paraphrasing others.

Suggestion: If you find yourself just echoing what they are saying, try to offer substantive opinions or observations as well.

你是只鹦鹉吗？

你有没有发现自己只是解释或重复其他人说过的话？如果他们说，“这真是部很棒的电影啊！”你是不是说，“是的，它“确实”是部很棒的电影！”？鹦鹉看起来像是会说话，但事实上，他们很少真正的说过什么实质性的话。鹦鹉靠的是效仿和重复别人的话。

建议：如果你发现自己只是在重复他们说的，那么试着去表达些实质性的意见，也可以是相反的观点。

2. Are You an Energy Vampire?

You may have fascinating stories and opinions to share, but if your energy cannot support the comments, people may find you hard to listen to. Lacking energy or emotion when you talk can ruin your conversation faster than almost any other bad habit. Good conversation is alive; good conversation flows with energy between the conversationalists. If you are not adding to the flow of energy, then you are probably subtracting from it. Suggestions: Think of your voice as a roller coaster ride for your listeners. Are you creating a flat, boring ride? Try to make your roller coaster ride enjoyable for your particular audience; add some vocal drops, some inclines, and vary your speed. Vary your inflections and emphasize key words as well.

Also, record your voice in private. In fact, re-read this section in your normal voice and play it back. If you have never recorded yourself before, you'll be surprised by what you hear!

你是一只活力吸血鬼吗？

你也许热衷于分享故事和观点，但是，如果你没有支撑整个谈话的活力，人们会觉得很难再听你讲下去。谈话时缺少活力和感情会比其它坏习惯更快的毁了你们的谈话。好的交流是生动的；谈话者之间充满了活力。如果你不能不断加强这些活力，那么活力很可以会慢慢流失。

建议：把你的声音想象成是在让你的听众乘坐一趟过山车。你是否正在形成一次单调，无聊的旅程？试着为你这些特别的观众创造一次愉快的过山车旅程；增加一些语调的升降，变化语速。也可以改变声调强调关键词。

同时，私下里录下自己的声音。用你正常的声音再读一次这部分然后重播。如果你以前从没有录过自己的声音，所听到的将会让你大吃一惊！

3. Are You a Predictable Talker? The Predictable Talker lives in the serious and literal world. If they get up to use the restroom, and you ask them where they are going, they will always respond, "to the restroom." Everything they say is predictable; they'll never surprise you with something unexpected. In contrast, a Playful Talker may respond to that question with a number of unpredictable playful responses. For example, "I thought I'd leave you with the bill," or "I'm going to pickup that girl,

"or "I'm trying to escape." The best conversation is playful and unpredictable; Predictable Talkers have trouble playing!

Suggestion: Train your mind to start considering the unexpected responses. Next time someone asks you a question or makes a comment, mentally think about what response would be unexpected or unpredictable (within reason!). Once in a while, try one of these unexpected comments and see how you do. You may surprise yourself.

你是一个没有想象力的谈话者吗？

没有想象力的谈话者生活在一个严肃乏味的世界时。如果他们要去餐馆的时候，你问他们要去哪儿，他们都会回答“去餐馆”。他们说的所有事情都是可以想得到的；他们决不会说出一些预料以外的话使你惊讶。相反的，一个有幽默感的人会用一连串想不到的有意思的话来回答问题。例如，“我想我就要和钱离开你了......”或是“我要去认识那个女孩。”，或是“我正要逃跑。”最好的谈话就是要有趣而且让人想不到；没有想象力的谈话者将会碰到麻烦！

建议：训练你的思维，从考虑让人想不到的回答开始。下次如果有人问你问题或是讨论的时候，在心里想想什么样的回答是让人没想到的或是猜不着的（当然是合理的！）。偶乐试试说些让人意想不到的话，看看自己表现如果。你会让自己吃惊的。

4. Are You a Conversation Narcissist?

Conversation Narcissists love nothing more than to talk about themselves. The only reason they ask the other person a question like, “How was your weekend?” is so they can circle it back around to them again, “that’s nice…let me tell you about what happened to me…” They rarely inquire seriously about the other person or ask follow up questions.

Suggestion: This is easy to fix, be genuinely interested in the other person. When someone tells you something, keep the focus on them, ask follow up questions, recall previous comments the person said, etc.

你是一个以自我为中心的谈话者吗？

以自我为中心的谈话者只喜欢说自己的事。他们问别人问题的唯一原因，如“你周末过得怎么样？”，只是因此可以转个弯回来说自己的事。“这可真不错呀……让我告诉你我遇到什么事了……”他们很少认真的询问别人，或继续刚才的问题。

建议：这很容易解决，就是要真正的对其他人感兴趣。如果有人告诉你一些事情，持续关注它，问些关于它们的问题，想想刚才这个人所说的话等等。