抑郁症是一种什么体验?

Of course there are many symptoms and many ways of experiencing depression. But anhedonia (lack of interest or pleasure in doing things) is really central to depression for me.

当然抑郁有很多症状和表现形式，但快感缺失（做事缺乏兴趣或乐趣）对我来说的确是抑郁的主要表现。

Have you ever gone back to your childhood toys and tried to play with them, but you can’t remember why you found them fun? They just seem pointless and dumb? Depression was like that for everything. Nothing was interesting or enjoyable and I couldn’t imagine how it ever was or ever would be again. Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t even present anymore, like the person who used to be able to engage with life just wasn’t home.

你是否有过重新拿起儿时玩具想玩时却想不起哪里好玩的经历？那些玩具看起来毫无意义而且很无趣吧？抑郁就是看到所有东西都是那种感觉，没有什么有趣的或能让人高兴的，我也无法想象过去快乐是什么样的，再次快乐起来会是什么样，有时我感觉自己好像不存在了，好像以往和生活斗争的那个人不在家似的。

It's 10.30 am, and your alarm clock has been ringing for the past 30 minutes. You slowly open your eyes, even though you really don’t want them to.

现在是上午10:30，闹钟响了半个小时。你慢慢睁开眼睛，即使你内心并不想这样做。

Come on, you can’t stay in bed all day again!

快点，你不能再赖在床上一整天了！

But your feet just don’t want to get from out under the sheets. Just like every morning there’s a shadow sitting on your chest, pressing you into bed, and hurting you so much you can’t help it but cry.

但你的脚就是不想从被下面出来，好像每天早上都有一个影子坐在你的胸口，把你压在床上，你疼得忍不住哭了起来。

I am such a loser and nothing but a disappointment!

我这么失败，只会让人失望！

Your eyes, filling with tears more and more from minute to minute, are looking around your messy room. Actually you wanted to tidy up a little bit, but you were too tired after coming home from work. There’s still so much work to do.

眼中的泪水一分一秒在增多，你看着周围凌乱的房间，其实你想收拾一下，但下班回到家太累了。而且还有那么多工作要做。

Maybe I should just find a job that I can actually do, as dumb as I am.

可能我该找一份力所能及的工作，和我一样沉默的工作。

As you finally manage to take your eyes off this mountain of clothes something else instantly catches them: A huge pile of cups and plates filling up the kitchen sink. Simply thinking of this unbearable task makes your hands shake. Tears start running down your face again.

你的眼睛最终从堆积成山的衣服上移开了，但马上又被别的东西吸引了：厨房水槽里堆得满满的杯和盘子。光是想想这些让人难以忍受的活你的手就开始发抖了。眼泪又沿着脸颊流了下来。

I must have been a terrible human being in an earlier life to deserve this kind of abuse.

我一定是上辈子造了孽才要受这种罪。

You pull your blanket over your face.

你把毛毯拽到脸上。

I don't want to deal with this world. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow. After three days of sleep. A deep sigh makes its way out of your throat, and it feels like a desperate message from your subconsciousness.

我不想跟这个世界打交道，至少今天不行，明天吧。先睡三天再说。你长叹了一口气，好像潜意识里发出的绝望信息。

If someone saw me like this...

如果有人看见我这个样子…

Shouldn't you at least try to get some work done today, for the sake of mum and dad? After yet another big sigh you get up.

就算是为了妈妈和爸爸难道你今天不该至少做一点事吗？你又长叹了一声，起床了。

Let's start by doing the dishes.

从洗碗开始吧。

As you are about to finish cleaning the cups, tears are one more time running down your face.

就要洗完杯子时眼泪再一次流了下来。

You are doing the dishes, there are worse things in the world.

你在洗碗，世界上还有更糟的事。

You angrily throw the kitchen towel onto the pile of clothes you should actually put into the washing mashine now. But you can't, doing the dishes took up too much of your energy. So you go back to bed and fall asleep 5 minutes later, mentally completely exhausted, feeling like your brain's just run a marathon. It's 11 am.

你生气地把洗碗布摔在那堆衣服上，你现在应该把衣服放进洗衣机里，但你做不到，洗碗已经耗费了太多精力。所以你回到床上，5分钟以后睡着了，彻底没精神了，感觉大脑像刚跑了马拉松，11点了。

To answer your question: Everyone experiences depression differently. And someone who’s never suffered from them will probably never truly understand what they’re like.

现在回答你的问题：每个人的抑郁体验不同，从未受过抑郁折磨的人永远无法真正理解那是什么感觉。