Envy and jealousy

Reader question: What's the difference between envy and jealousy?

My comments:

Being envious of someone may sound more innocuous than being jealous, but it's really not that much different. Both feelings are good to keep in control. And it's up to you.

First, definitions.

Envy refers to the feeling of wanting something that someone else has (Longman). To envy, therefore, is to wish that you had someone else's possessions, positions, good looks, talents and so forth.

Jealousy, on the other hand, is the feeling of anger and unhappiness (because you don't yet have what others have). In relationships, jealousy is the angry feeling that "someone you like or love is showing interest in another person, or another person is showing interest in them: She gets jealous if I even look at another woman" (Longman).

It's natural to be envious if we want something and then find someone having got it first. If we get that same thing soon enough, most of us will be able to keep our envies under control. If not, our feelings may begin to turn sinister. We begin to conjecture that they don't deserve their good fortunes, that we are every bit as good as them and that we are in fact more deserving that they are. I said conjecture, because we tend to lose our head when jealousy begins to take over.

It's a matter of degree. To cure jealousy, one may want to check envy first. Pay more attention to yourself. Build on yourself, so that you can and will have what others have, if not today, then tomorrow. With this inner confidence, you won't allow yourself to be consumed with envy. You may even begin to enjoy other people's possessions. A friend buys a car? Well, enjoy a ride in it.

And why not? People who have better possessions are generally less troublesome. A neighbor who bought a bigger TV screen would stop coming to watch their favorite programs in your house.

On the other hand, however, if you don't have a life of your own, you may be secretly seething right now. You begin to loathe the new-found peace and hate your neighbors for not coming to bother you any more. When they did come, they often were noisy and annoying. You have forgotten that now and begun to long for their company again. It's all because of the car and the TV! you thought. No, it's not. It's you.

Envy is not very far away from jealousy. That's why "envy" is listed among the seven deadly sins.

The seven deadly sins, a Western concept, commonly refer to (from the less harmful to the most serious) lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, anger, envy and pride.

You see, envy and pride are the most deadly of them all.

Not fatal in the physical sense, but to spiritual progress.