关于种族尊严：请还我们一个公道

世上本不存在不公平，心生不同便有了区别对待。同为人类，白人和黑人接受的待遇却存在很大差异。Aaron Vessup通过自己的亲身经历向我们阐明了这一点。如今的他正试图用自己的力量改变这个现状，让世界还黑人一个公道。路漫漫其修远兮，他真的能做到吗?

"Burn Baby, Burn!" was a popular song played at most parties and on some radio stations when I was a student during the 1960s, and these things were happening around the world. People were upset at the directions their different worlds were going: the unfair rules, unequal job opportunities, corporate malfeasance, police brutality,[1]so they were directing their anger at symbols of the "establishment". Many of these people were minority[2]citizens, members of the so-called "black community". I suppose a compelling part of my then uniqueness is that I am from a family of seventeen. My father was aPentecostal“fundamentalist preacher”, and church pastor.[3]We had no choice when it came to religious beliefs, and we had no escape from the physical and mental abuse suffered inside our house let alone in the outside world.[4]I became very familiar with many forms of family violence. Although within our church physical "non-violence" was exhorted, the psychological mental warfare was perfected to a high level of destructiveness.[5]

I have not always been committed to the use of words and nonviolence as tools for change. In my youth I had been a playground "bully"[6], I viewed myself as the cowboy "Marshall" or "peacemaker" who settled problems among my peers at school with my fists. However, I often found myself being paddled in the Principal’s office with threats to be formally kicked out of school and sent home as a result.[7]Unfortunately, at home things were violent as well since my father was quite explosive and demanding, and I was frequently whipped, punched, and my body

[1]. malfeasance: 渎职，违法行为;brutality: 暴行。

[2]. minority: 少数的。

[3]. Pentecostal: 圣灵降临节的。圣灵降临节又称五旬节，是基督教节日，为纪念耶稣复活后差遣圣灵降临而举行的庆祝节日;fundamentalist: 信奉正统派基督教的人;preacher: 传教士;pastor: 牧师。

[4]. 涉及宗教信仰时，我们别无选择。我们无法躲避在家所遭受的身体和精神上的虐待，更别提外面世界的了。abuse: 虐待;let alone: 更不必说。

[5]. 虽然我们的教会劝诫身体上的“非暴力”，但心理和精神上的摧残却已达到了一定境界。exhort: 劝诫;warfare: 冲突;destructiveness: 破坏性。

[6]. bully: 欺凌弱小的人。

[7]. 不过，我经常被叫到校长办公室，被威胁说这样做的后果就是学校会正式开除我，把我送回家。paddle: 运送。

bloodied for talking too loudly, or merely looking at my parents in a manner that made them feel I was even thinking a rebellious thought.[1] My parents rationalized that they simply were beating me to “Save me from the policeman’s bullet!” “God’s word dictates that we use the whip on you accordingly.”[2] Frequently I was whipped in tandem fashion[3] by both of my parents. To them, in the “real world” it did not matter whether I had broken any laws or committed any crimes, being black was sufficient to place a target on my back for the police to aim their weapons.Implicit also in this message was that all white people were only happy if black people were dead. Internalizing[4] these and other messages, I began writing poetry and also jogging. I loved running while wrestling with issues on the home front, with the white Jesus who had become inculcated in my brain as demanding sacrifices,[5] and with the unfair reach of the law. For my mental stability I ran a lot. There also seemed to be an “escape” offered in sports activities.

Luckily for me, when I was nearly drowning[6] in our High School swimming pool, a white classmate whom I did not know, jumped into the pool and saved me. During this episode I could clearly see the white gym teacher standing at the edge impassively watching.[7] To this day I never knew the identity of my student rescuer. At this school there were very few cross-cultural contacts visible. Minority group members were simply invisible unless involved in sports. Everyone acted hush-hush[8] about the incident. I was quite embarrassed. So we all acted as if nothing had happened. But I had become so shaken by this event that I withdrew from the swim class, and never went near water until well into my adulthood, some fifteen or twenty years later. However, not only had a white youth saved my life, but also many years later another white student within one of my own speech classes taught me how to swim. I had long ago accepted the fact that not all white people were my enemy.

Another stroke of good fortune to befall[9] me was public speaking competition. Through my participation on college and university debate teams, I learned early a

[1]. 不幸的是，我父亲性格暴躁，还比较苛刻，所以家里也充满了暴力。如果我说话太大声，或是父母觉得我看他们的样子让他们觉得我很叛逆，他们就会用鞭子打我，用拳头捶我，使我伤痕累累。demanding: 苛刻的;whip: 鞭打;punch: 用拳头猛击;rebellious: 反叛的。

[2]. rationalize: 为……找借口;bullet: 子弹;dictate: 指示。

[3]. in tandem fashion: 以一前一后的方式。

[4]. internalize: 使内在化。

[5]. on the home front: 在国内;wrestle with: 设法解决;inculcate: 灌输，谆谆教诲。

[6]. drown: 淹没。

[7]. episode: 插曲;impassively: 无动于衷地。

[8]. hush-hush: 极秘密的。

[9]. befall: 降临于，发生到……身上。

more civilized way of fighting to address my grievances[1]. Communicating with words instead of using force is a skill that I wanted to enhance. Although I had some early successes in district and state competitions, I knew that there were more skills to be learned in the communications field. Thus, I continued fighting to reach the national finals in speech competition. Later, as university professor on various campuses I have been able to coach[2] other student winners who happened to be black and white.

Our early elementary school teachers inspired in us the dream of even becoming the president of the United States. I held on to this dream for years, before realizing that first, I was not “pure” anduntainted[3] enough. I did not have a life without blemishes[4]. At that time I had at least one failed marriage. Second, later the realities of life clearly demonstrated that my life had not beentainted enough. I would never be in the mainstream on the road to governmental leadership, nor was this goal now even desirable. For the past twelve years or so, I have been a simple world traveler and retired teacher, who does not want to become just another meaningless statistic. Nor do I want to be a destructive torch-bearer[5] seeking to burn things down. While some of my brothers have been incarcerated[6], I have not lost faith in positively affecting change. Yet, my continued small contribution to the cultural milieu[7] seems minimal. I still write hoping to access more networks to build bridges of understanding. I have not given up on the idea to open or create cultural channels for communications between groups in conflict with each other. This childhood dream lives on.

I believe that I have a purpose to contribute to the survival of mankind in some meaningful way. Within me is a hope that I can be some kind of ambassador for peace, serving the great family of brothers and sisters of the world in a way no other person can do or imagine. Writing poetry, academic textbooks, and classroom teaching are not enough. Running away from problems has also never been a lasting solution. I want to play a part on the world’s the problem intervention media stage to positively address issues of social harmony.[8] I am a citizen of the world, my life is not my own. I cannot be blamed for what the United States government has or has not done to my own communities of people: Native Americans, African Americans, and Citizens of the world. Today my dream remains to use my inner fires to bring “light” to others to help constructing a world with less fear, less anger, and perhaps less military conflict.

[1]. grievance: 不满，委屈。

[2]. coach: 指导。

[3]. untainted: 无污点的。

[4]. blemish: 污点。

[5]. torch-bearer: 火炬接力者。

[6]. incarcerate: 监禁。

[7]. milieu: 环境。

[8]. intervention: 介入，调停;address: 解决。