面对别人的成功，也许我们可以这儿欣赏

在社交网络高度发达的时代，人们很容易去过度关注周围人的生活，由此产生的攀比无处不在。生活中，人们都习惯将自己最风光的一面展现给大家，可是有谁能看到风光背后的东西呢?很多时候，得到的多意味着承担的也多。可能是我们知道自己的缺憾，所以总喜欢拿那些看上去完美的人和自己做比较，把他们当作人生的榜样和坐标。不要羡慕别人的精彩，也不要嫉妒他人的成功。

First thing in the morning, I check Twitter, only to have it list off for me all the ways I’ve already fallen behind. A colleague has released a new e-book. Two of my design heroes are announcing a collaborative project. One of my old college buddies has posted a video trailer for an upcoming online program, and she looks phenomenal, polished, charismatic (I’m still in bed, bleary-eyed, and definitely not at my most telegenic.)

Am I really falling behind? Is anybody actually keeping score? Did any of these people post any of the updates with the intent of making me feel bad? Of course not. But if I’m not careful, it’s terribly easy to view my social media streams as a constant reminder of all the stuff I’m not doing, dreams I’m not fulfilling , and rooms I’ve failed to decorate.

This isn’t a social media problem. It’s a comparison problem. There isn’t a single thing about Twitter—or any of the other social media platforms I use—that’s designed to make me ask how I’m measuring up. That’s all me—an automatic, internal mechanism. It’s part ego, part creative drive, and part deep soul yearning.

And I know it’s not just me. I’ve spent the past year collaborating with leadership coach Tanya Geisler on researching how comparison works , what it costs us, and what it can teach us—and we’ve discovered that it runs rampant among just about every creative, growth-oriented person we know. In our comparison-soaked culture, it’s hard to avoid looking around at what other people are doing with their short time on earth, and slipping into “How am I stacking up?” mode. Here’s what we learned:

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

The first time I heard this excellent, if hard-to-implement, advice, I was suffering from a terrible case of envy. Some competitor or other had achieved an inspiring degree of success and I was complaining to a mentor about how unachievable it seemed to me. Her warning took me aback . “Look,” she told me, “You have no idea what it took for them to get there. Don’t act like this was unearned, effortless, or pure dumb luck. And for Pete’s sake, don’t go thinking that because you read the press release, you have a single clue about what’s really going on behind the scenes.”

She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:

• What do they have that I wish I had?

• What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?

• What have they done to get where they are today?

• How does this relate to my own values?

When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears.

Admiration and envy are responses that point us toward what we value most. And when we become aware of what we value, we are much better positioned to create a life that’s richly satisfying.

If you notice yourself admiring people who take creative risks, bring your full attention to the part of you that wants to dare more greatly. If you catch yourself envying the folks in your circles who are at ease with self-promotion, take some time to reflect on how you might share your triumphs in a way that feels totally YOU. Heck, if you’re obsessing over tennis players’ forearms, it could be a sign that you’re ready to revamp your fitness regime. You get the idea.

Use the Success of Others as a Mirror

Comparison can be a dark, stuck place, but only if you let it be. There’s gold to be found in your comparison habit, if you’re willing to look for it. The light we see in others can help us see our own—and appreciate it.

So the next time you catch yourself admiring or envying someone’s success, gifts, or particular brand of radiance—be it in a professional context, a personal one, or simply perusing magazine covers—take a moment to consider:

• What qualities in them inspire me?

• Where do I currently embody these qualities?

• How might my expression of these qualities differ from theirs?

• What can I learn from my desire to embody these qualities more fully?

Your Twitter feed may never look quite the same.

Vocabulary

1.每天早上我做的第一件事情就是上推特，只为了去看上面列出的所有我落下的东西。fall behind: 落后，跟不上。

2.release: 发布。

3.collaborative: 合作的，协作的。

4.buddy: 伙伴;trailer: 预告片;phenomenal: 非凡的;polished: 优美的;charismatic: 超凡魅力的;bleary-eyed: 睡眼惺忪的;telegenic: 适于上镜的。

5.keep score: 保留得分，和竞争者同步发展。

6.media stream: 媒体流。

7.fulfill: 实现，完成。

8.measure up: 合格，符合标准。

9.internal mechanism: 内部机制。

10.ego: 自我;yearning: 渴望，向往。

11.在过去的一年里，我和领导力课程导师塔尼娅•盖斯勒共同研究“攀比”是如何进行的，它让我们付出何等代价，又教会我们什么——我们发现它几乎存在于我们所认识的每个富有创造力、有增长潜力的人身上。run rampant: 猖狂，泛滥成灾;growth-oriented: 有增长潜力的。

12.在我们这种攀比成风的文化中，我们很难做到不去留意周围其他人都在短时间内做些什么，然后陷入一种思考“我过得怎样”的模式中。comparison-soaked: 攀比成风的;on earth: 究竟，到底;slip into: 陷入;〈美口〉stack up: (生活)过得，进展。

13.mentor: 导师。

14.take aback: 使大吃一惊。

15.unearned: 不劳而获的;dumb luck: 不费多少心思和力气得来的好运。

16.behind the scenes: 在幕后，秘密地。

17.fall prey to: 深受……之害;over-simplification: 过度简单化。

18.celebration: 颂扬。

19.羡慕和嫉妒可以让我们了解自己最重视的是什么。

20.obsess: 使……困扰;revamp: 改进，翻新;fitness regime: 健身计划。

21.下次当你发现自己在羡慕或者嫉妒别人的成功、天赋或者特有的魅力时——无论在工作场所、私人场合，还是在看杂志封面时——花点时间去考虑以下几点。radiance: 光辉;context: 环境;peruse: 细读。

22. embody: 包含，体现。