美国文化习俗精粹 第10期:Friendship 美式友谊

　　Steve and Yaser first met in their chemistry class at an American university. Yaser was an inter-national student from Jordan. He was excited to get to know an American. He wanted to learn more about American culture. Yaser hoped that he and Steve would become good friends.

　　At first, Steve seemed very friendly. He always greeted Yaser warmly before class. Sometimes he offered to study with Yaser. He even invited Yaser to eat lunch with him. But after the semester was over, Steve seemed more distant. The two former classmates didnt see each other very much at school. One day Yaser decided to call Steve. Steve didnt seem very interested in talking to him. Yaser was hurt by Steves change of attitude. Steve said we were friends, Yaser complained. And I thought friends were friends forever.

　　Yaser is a little confused. He is an outsider to American culture. He doesnt understand the way Americans view friendship. Americans use the word friend in a very general way. They may call both casual acquaintances and close companions friends. Americans have school friends, work friends, sports friends and neighborhood friends. These friendships are based on common interests. When the shared activity ends, the friendship may fade. Now Steve and Yaser are no longer classmates. Their friendship has changed.

　　In some cultures friendship means a strong life-long bond between two people. In these cultures friendships develop slowly, since they are built to last. American society is one of rapid change. Studies show that one out of five American families moves every year. American friendships develop quickly, and they may change just as quickly.

　　People from the United States may at first seem friendly. Americans often chat easily with strangers. They exchange information about their families, hobbies and work. They may smile warmly and say, Have a nice day or See you later. Schoolmates may say, Lets get together sometime. But American friendliness is not always an offer of true friendship.

　　After an experience like Yasers, outsiders may consider Americans to be fickle. Learning how Americans view friendship can help non-Americans avoid misunderstandings. It can also help them make friends the American way.

　　Here are a few tips on making friends with Americans:

　　1. Visit places Americans enjoy: parties, churches, Western restaurants, parks, sports clubs.

　　2. Be willing to take the first step. Dont wait for them to approach you. Americans in China may not know you speak English. They may be embarrassed if they cant speak your language.

　　3. Use small talk to open the conversation. Ask them where theyre from, why they came to China, etc. Remember: Be careful to avoid personal questions about age, salary, marital status and appearance.

　　4. Show an interest in their culture, their country or their job. (Americans like to talk about themselves!)

　　5. Invite them to join you for dinner or just for coffee or tea. Try to set a specific time. Americans sometimes make general invitations like Lets get together sometime. Often this is just a way to be friendly. It is not always a real invitation.

　　6. Dont expect too much at first. Maybe theyre just being friendly. But maybe they do want to be your good friends. It will take time to tell.

　　People like Yaser shouldnt give up trying to make American friends. Americans do value strong, life-long friendships, even with non-Americans. When making friends, it helps to have a good dose of cultural understanding.

　　史帝夫和亚瑟最初是在一所美国大学的化学课上认识的。亚瑟是从约旦来的国际学生。他很兴奋能够认识美国人，他要更多学习美国文化；亚瑟希望他和史帝夫会成为好朋友。

　　刚开始史帝夫似乎非常友善，上课前他总是热情地和亚瑟打招呼，有时他和亚瑟一起读书；他甚至邀请亚瑟一起共进午餐。但是学期结束后，史帝夫似乎较冷淡了，这两个以前的同学在学校不常碰面了。有一天，亚瑟决定打电话给史帝夫，史帝夫似乎沒有兴趣和他讲话，对于史帝夫态度的改变，亚瑟感到受伤害。「史帝夫曾说我们是朋友，」亚瑟抱怨，「而且我认为一朝是朋友就永远是朋友。」

　　亚瑟有点困惑了，对于美国文化，他是个局外人（外行）。他不了解美国人对友谊的看法。美国人把「朋友」这个字用得非常广泛，一般的泛泛之交和亲密伙伴都算是朋友。美国人的朋友包含有学校的朋友、工作的朋友、运动的朋友或是街坊邻居。这些友谊都是建立在共同的兴趣上，当共同从事的活动结束时，友谊也可能跟着消失了。现在，史帝夫和亚瑟不再是同学，他们的「友谊」也就改变了。

　　在一些文化里，友谊意即两人之间一种强烈的，一世之久的情感。在这些文化里，友谊发展得慢，因为要持久。但美国是个急速变化的社会，有些研究发现每年每五个美国家庭之中，就有一个家庭搬家。美国人的友谊建立得快，但也可能改变得快。

　　从美国来的人可能刚开始看起来很亲切。美国人常能很容易地和陌生人聊天，他们交换关于自己的家庭、兴趣和工作的个人资料，他们可能热情地微笑说「祝你有愉快的一天」或是「待会儿见」，而同学也许会说「我们找一天聚聚」，但是美国人的友善并不意谓真正的友谊。

　　经过像亚瑟的经历之后，局外人也许会视美国人为善变的。了解美国人如何看待友谊，能够帮助非美国人士避免误会，也能帮助他们以美国人的方式交朋友。

　　以下是一些和美国人交朋友的秘诀：

　　1.到一些美国人喜欢去的地方：宴会、教会、西餐厅、公园和健身房。

　　2.乐意跨出第一步，不要等他们来接近你。在中国的美国人不知道你会不会讲英语。如果他们不会讲你的语言，他们可能觉得不好意思。

　　3.以闲聊来展开话题，问他们来自哪里，为什么到中国等等。切记：注意避免非常私人的问题，例如年龄、薪水、婚姻状況和长相。

　　4.对他们的文化、国家或者工作表示兴趣。（美国人喜欢谈论自己）

　　5.邀请他们和你一起吃饭或喝茶。要讲定时间，否则，美国人有时会用一些一般性的邀请，像「找个时间聚聚吧！」，但这只是表示友善的方法而非真正的邀请。

　　6.不要一开始就对你们的友谊期待太多，也许他们只是表示友善，但也可能他们真的要做你的好朋友，这需要时间证明。

　　像亚瑟一样的人不应放弃交朋友，美国人还是看重强烈，一生之久的友谊，即使是和非美国人士。交朋友时，对于文化有某种程度的了解将会有所帮助。