六级倒计时冲刺写作实例讲解：参加社团

　　下面是2014年六级倒计时冲刺写作实例讲解：参加社团，供考生参考。

　　Directions：For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

　　1. 本社团的主要活动内容 2. 参加本社团的好处 3. 如何加入本社团

　　读者原文：

　　Welcome to our club

　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax yourself? Do you want to enrich your life? Now, you can make a wise choice to join up our Fun Club.

　　There are many kinds of activities in our club, including entertainment and study. We will hold a party on every Friday evening, during the time you can sing and dance to music. Besides, you can go for a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related your major courses. And we set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. If you join up our club, there are many advantages waiting for you. First, you can practice yourself and build up your social ability. Second, you can make more new friends. Most of all, you can balance between work and study.

　　There are several ways we can join up Fun Club. You can directly go to Room 300. You can also call the number 9542xxxx. Besides, you can send an e-mail tomail@funclub.com. Dont hesitate to take action at once.

　　修改后的文章：

　　Welcome to our club

　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax? Do you want to enrich your life? Why not join our club?

　　Our club is named Fun Club because we organize many interesting activities that can involve both entertainment and study. We hold a party on every Friday evening, at which you can sing and dance to music. Besides, we have a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related to your major courses and offer chances for you to compare notes on your studies. And we plan to set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. So, if you join our club, youll have many benefits. First, you can get lots of practice and build up your social skills. Second, you can make many new friends. Most of all, you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment.

　　There are several ways you can join our Fun Club. You can go directly to Room 300 to apply. You can also call us at 9542xxxx. Or you can send an application to us atmail@funclub.com. Dont hesitate. Itll be great fun!

　　点评：

　　这篇作文基本上达到了写作要求，能以简单的书面英语传达自己的意思，语言错误不多。该生对英语句子结构的掌握比较好，但是对英语的习惯搭配却不太注意，语感不是很好。下面是几点具体的修改建议。

　　1. 第一段第二句Do you want to relax yourself中的yourself是多余的。动词relax既可作及物动词用，也可以作不及物动词 用，例如：

　　Just sit back and relax, and enjoy the music.

　　She realized how tense she was and forced herself to relax.

　　What Robin needed was a good drink to relax herself.

　　很多学生喜欢在relax之后接myself/yourself, 但在英语中relax之后接反身代词的情况极为少见。常接的宾语是muscle, hold/grip, rules/controls/regulations, vigilance/concentration一类词。同样，第一段第四句to join up our Fun Club以及后面两段中的up也是多余的。加入某个团体或组织，用join即可，例如：

　　During the war, he joined the air force and became a pilot.

　　Join up常作参军解，但是不及物，后面不跟宾语，例如：

　　He joined up right after leaving school.

　　Join up作及物动词时，意为连接 ，例如：

　　You need to join up these two lines.

　　2. 第一段第四句中的you can make a wise choice不如改为you can make a wise decision 。 make a choice是在几个东西中挑一个，作一个选择，可这里没有提到别的选择，用choice就不合适了。

　　3. 第二段第二句的during the time you can sing and dance to music, 应该改为at which you can sing and dance to music ，或者干脆将这一句拆分为两句。英语中，主从复合句必须有连接词连接主句和从句，如果没有连接词，则各个子句是独立的，应该用句号分开。

　　4. 第二段第四句的we provide many books related your major courses应改为we provide many books related to your major courses。动词relate的搭配应为relate sth. to sth., 例如：

　　Most writing systems relate letters to sounds fairly closely.

　　Is Conni related to him?

　　Fox writes about how culture is related to art.

　　5. 第二段第七句中的you can practice yourself建议改为you can get lots of practice。 practice yourself这种说法在英语中见不到。

　　6. 第二段第八句中的you can make more new friends建议改为you can make many new friends 。这里没有明确的比较，还是不用比较级为好。

　　7. 第二段最后一句中的you can balance between work and study应改为you can balance study and entertainment或者you can balance study with entertainment, 也可以改为you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment。在两者之间取得平衡，用Balance A and/with B这个表达形式，或者用achieve/strike/keep/maintain a balance between A and B。另外，从内容方面看，俱乐部的活动内容是学习和娱乐，通篇没有提到工作，所以，在这里突然讲起工作和学习的平衡，有一点前后不连贯，改成between study and entertainment ，就要好得多。

　　学习英语最重要的是多读、多写，同时要观察英美人如何表达思想，如何搭配使用词语，体会每一个词的确切含义。读得多了，并用心去体会，慢慢就会找到感觉。