2014中考英语写作提升周周练+范文精讲(3)

　　某英文报纸就关爱老人(Caring for the Old) 话题征文，请你结合你的实际生活，谈谈自己的想法与做法，参加投稿。

　　提示词语：care for; respect; visit; call

　　One possible version: .cke_skin_kama{visibility:hidden;}

　　In my opinion, we should respect and care for the old. Its natural that everyone will be old one day, so taking good care of the old is taking care of ourselves. Im not living with my grandparents, but I visit them once a week if possible. I often help them with some housework. Besides, I call to say hello to them when I have time. They are always happy to hear my voice. I think what they do need is our love.

　　I hope everyone can do something for the old. Its our duty to make sure they live happily.

　　范文讲解

　　审题要点： 1.先谈关爱老人重要性。 2.谈自己做法。 3. 谈感想和建议

　　注意：英文提示词尽量都用上，已用红色表示出来

　　一. 关爱老人重要性：

　　In my opinion, we should respect and care for the old. Its natural that everyone will be old one day, so taking good care of the old is taking care of ourselves.

　　精彩句式：Its natural that everyone will be old one day, so taking good care of the old is taking care of ourselves.

　　点评：这个题难写之处不仅在于自己的做法，还在于自己的想法。开头务必提出为什么要关爱老人。然后中间段落说怎么关爱。最后总结。

　　注意：平时多积累同义表达，比如照顾：look after， take care of，care for

　　二.谈自己做法：

　　Im not living with my grandparents, but I visit them once a week if possible. I often help them with some housework. Besides, I call to say hello to them when I have time. They are always happy to hear my voice. I think what they do need is our love.

　　精彩句式和词组： .. if possible. what they do need is our love.

　　点评：这一段孩子们写的要比范文更好!注意句式的衔接，注意夹叙夹议。

　　范文提升：My grandparents live far away from our house，but I visit them once a week if possible, which always makes them very happy. When I get there, I will help them with some housework and chat with them to add some pleasure to their life.

　　Every time when I accompany them or just call them, they feel excited just like children. Now I realize what they do need is our love and care.

　　三. 谈感想和建议：

　　I hope everyone can do something for the old. Its our duty to make sure they live happily.

　　精彩句型： Its our duty to make sure they live happily.

　　点评：最后要提出感想，以及提出建议。

　　注意：大家有没有发现，一些作文的结尾其实是共通的。 练习一(保护环境)

　　的结尾是这样的：I hope everyone will care about the environment. I believe we can make our school more and more beautiful.

　　练习二(感恩) 的结尾：I was really proud that I did something for my parents. Their smiles were the best encouragement for me. I made up my mind to do things like this more often.

　　所以，大家其实可以总结出好的模板，适当的修改和融合就可以了。

　　评分标准：

　　第一档：(15~13 分)

　　完全符合题目要求，观点正确，要点齐全。句式多样，词汇丰富。语言准确，语意连贯，表达清楚，具有逻辑性。

　　第二档：(12~9 分)

　　基本符合题目要求，观点正确，要点齐全。语法结构和词汇基本满足文章需要。语言基本通顺，语意基本连贯，表达基本清楚。虽然有少量语言错误，

　　但不影响整体理解。

　　第三档：(8~5 分)

　　部分内容符合题目要求，要点不齐全。语法结构和词汇错误较多，语言不通顺，表达不够清楚，影响整体理解。

　　第四档：(4~0 分)

　　与题目有关内容不多，只是简单拼凑提示词语，所写内容难以理解。