婚礼摄影师告诉你婚姻的真谛

Filmmaker Doug Block learned a lot about marriage by accident. A documentarian who also works as a wedding videographer, Doug Block visited a handful of couples whose weddings he'd filmed -- anywhere from five to 20 years later -- and interviewed them about the state of their marriage. The result is his unexpectedly revealing, tender, and thought-provoking film 112 Weddings.

电影制片人道·布罗格不经意间了解了很多关于婚姻的真谛。婚礼摄影师道·布罗格拍摄了很多婚礼，作为纪录片导演，他重访了这些夫妇，结婚五至二十年的都有，采访了他们的婚姻状态。根据采访结果，他制作了电影《112场婚礼》，出人意料、富有启迪、触动人心又引人深思。

The hope and uncomplicated joy of a wedding is often a stark contrast to the real-life challenges of day-to-day married life. Some of Block's couples weathered the years well, and some did not, but all reveal a lot about our relationships, the expectations and hopes we put into them, and what marriage/commitment really looks like.

婚礼带来希望和简简单单的快乐，常常和日复一日婚姻生活的现实挑战形成鲜明对比。布罗格镜头中的一对对夫妇，或历经岁月的洗礼，或分道扬镳，但都揭示了婚姻关系的真谛、人们赋予婚姻的期冀，以及婚姻和承诺的本质。

If weddings are the splash and fizz of opening night on Broadway, marriage is the slog of the dozens, hundreds, thousands of performances that follow. How are couples supposed to maintain the best parts of the early days of their relationship amid the slings and arrows of day-to-day life?

如果说婚礼是激情四射的百老汇首演之夜，婚姻则是继开幕夜之后成百上千场耗时又乏善可陈的演出。夫妻该如何在风风雨雨、锅碗瓢盆的日常生活中保持最初恋爱时的美好呢?

1. Pick Right

选对人

People often couple for the wrong reasons----convenience, expectations, and pressure to have kids. Other common reasons can be conflation of lust and love, fear of being alone, or even simple security. A "deep period of self-discovery" before jumping into marriage is advocated. The must-haves reasons to marry someone includes alignedgoals, sexuality, and spirituality.

人们常常因错误的缘由走到一起----因为图方便、有期许或者生养小孩的压力。其他理由包括爱欲交织、害怕孤单、甚至简简单单只为寻求安全感。现在主张奔向婚姻前能深度自我发现“。结婚的理由必须是有共同的目标、情欲和精神需求。

2. Treat Each Other Right

好好对待彼此

That kindness and respect come up frequently when people are asked about the most essential elements of a healthy marriage. What all the respondents' comments boileddown to, at bottom, was friendship. Every trait cited for how a person should treat his or her partner was -- not coincidentally -- the definition of how you should treat a friend.

问及何为健康婚姻最为本质的要素时，人们会想到仁爱和尊重。事实上，受访者的回应归根结底为：友谊。一个人该如何对待自己的伴侣，从受访者引述的特征中看出，人们不约而同地将其定义为对待朋友的方式。

3. Fight Right

吵架的艺术

No matter how well you're navigating the seas of marriage, storms will come. It's how a couple weathers them that can separate a successful marriage from a failed one. "fighting well" entails the following:

无论你在婚姻的海洋如何游刃有余，风暴终究会来临。夫妇如何度过风浪决定了婚姻的成败。“会吵包含:

Decide the rules of engagement, e.g., how to discuss problem.

规范言语的分寸，比如如何讨论问题。

Calmly, without yelling or screaming.Be polite.

保持冷静，不大喊大叫，有礼貌。

Grace and forgiveness.The fine art of compromise.

保持优雅，懂得原谅和妥协的艺术。