你不该觉得离婚是件丢人的事

When Ellen Myers finalised her divorce in 2013 she felt an overwhelming sense of freedom - and a deep sense of shame. "It was a weird time," she recalls. "On one hand I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to know."

当艾伦·迈尔斯于2013年离婚时，她感到特别自由--但也觉得特别丢人。"当时特别尴尬，"她回忆道。"一方面，我想将这件事大声告诉每个人，但同时，我又不想让任何人知道。"

The Colorado mom had married young, at just 18, and had children right away. Like many divorced people, she felt embarrassed that she hadn't been able to make her marriage last. She became convinced her friends and family were all silently thinking, I told you this would never work. But worse were the slights she dealt with in public - glances at her empty ring finger, a lack of invitations from former friends, and, most troublingly, a pointed remark from a clergy member at her church, who read Myers discouraging stats about children of divorce, then suggested she continue to endure her abusive situation for her kids' sake. She even faced rejection from a potential landlord after disclosing that she was a single mother who relied on child support for income.

这位来自科罗拉多州的母亲结婚结得特别早，18岁结婚后就立马生了孩子。和许多离婚的人一样，她为不能维持自己的婚姻而感到难为情。她相信她的朋友和家人肯定都在心里默默地想着：我告诉你这不会有用的。但更难受的是接受大众的目光--人们看着她没戴戒指的手、不再受到以前朋友的邀请，最令人不安的是，她所在教堂的神职人员对她说了句尖刻的话，他给迈尔斯读了有关离婚孩童的使人气馁的数据，然后建议她应该为了孩子继续忍受被虐的情况。在她告诉一位潜在房东自己是单亲母亲，收入来源于孩童抚养时，她甚至遭到了租房拒绝。

"He told me he never rented to single moms because the 'deadbeat dads' didn't pay up and he 'didn't need that kind of drama'," Myers recalls. "It was awful. Even though I knew, deep down, I'd made the best choice for me and my children, it was hard not to feel like I'd failed."

"他告诉我他从来没有把房子租给单身母亲过，因为'赖债不还的父亲'不会付账，他不希望看到那样戏剧性的场景，"迈尔斯回忆道。"那太可怕了。即使我内心深知我会为我和我的孩子做出最好的选择，但却还是很容易觉得自己失败了。"

Myers isn't the only woman who has struggled with feelings of shame about her split. Despite the ubiquity of divorce - just over half of marriages will make it to the 20-year mark, according to the most recent data from the National Survey of Family Growth - there is still a lingering stigma that many people, especially women, face, says Anita C. Savage, a divorce and family law attorney at GoransonBain.

迈尔斯并不是一个人，还有很多女性对自己的离婚也感到羞耻。国家家庭成长调查的最新数据显示：尽管离婚到处都是--只有一半以上的婚姻将持续到20年--但是很多人，尤其是女人，仍然面临着徘徊不去的耻辱，GoransonBain的离婚和家庭法律师Anita C. Savage说道。

"I've seen countless clients who feel stigmatised by their divorce. In fact, despite my profession, I was one of them," she admits. "I was embarrassed and ashamed to tell my friends and family that I could not make my marriage work."

"我见过很多为离婚感到羞耻的客户。事实上，尽管我是离婚律师，我仍和她们有一样的感受，"她承认道。"我不好意思告诉自己的朋友和家人，无法说出自己经营不了自己的家庭。"

And while it's perfectly normal to feel that way, Savage says, shame should never enter into the picture. Getting divorced doesn't mean you're "dumb" or "damaged goods."

虽然有羞耻感是件完全正常的事，Savage说，但实际上，人们不应该觉得离婚是件丢人的事儿。离婚并不意味着你"蠢"，也不意味着你是"残货。"