夫妻吵架?也许你们只是没睡好

It started as a simple conversation about a child’s birthday party. But it quickly escalated into a full-blown marital rift. She accused him of neglecting the family. He said she was yelling.

起初，这是关于孩子的生日派对的简单对话。但它很快就升级为全面爆发的夫妻纷争。她指责他忽略家庭。他说她大喊大叫。

“Whatever,” she said. “Go. Go.”

“无所谓了，”她说。“你走。走。”

“Go where?” he replied.

“往哪儿走？”他回应。

“I don’t know,” she told him. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“我不知道，”她告诉他。“我再也不想和你说话了。”

The bickering parents were among 43 couples taking part in an Ohio State University study exploring how marital interactions influence a person’s health. Every couple in the study — just like couples in the real world — had experienced some form of routine marital conflict. Hot-button topics included managing money, spending time together as a family or an in-law intruding on the relationship.

这对发生争吵的家长和另外42对夫妻，在俄亥俄州立大学(Ohio State University)参与了一项探索夫妻间的交流如何影响健康的研究。这项研究中的每一对夫妻——像现实世界里的夫妻一样——此前都遭遇了婚姻中某种常见的冲突。敏感话题包括：金钱的管理，一家人如何花时间共处，或者双方父母对夫妻关系的介入。

But while marital spats were universal among the couples, how they handled them was not. Some couples argued constructively and even with kindness, while others — like the couple fighting about the birthday party — were hostile and negative.

不过，尽管所有夫妻都会发生龃龉，但他们的应对方式并不相同。一些夫妻会进行建设性的争论，甚至很友善，另一些——比如这对为生日派对吵架的夫妻——则怀有敌意、非常负面。

What made the difference? The hostile couples were most likely to be those who weren’t getting much sleep.

为什么会存在这种差异？相互敌视的夫妻极有可能是睡眠不太充足的那些。

“When people have slept less, it’s a little like looking at the world through dark glasses,” said Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a longtime relationship scientist and director of the Ohio State Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research. “Their moods are poorer. We’re grumpier. Lack of sleep hurts the relationship.”

“人们睡眠较少的时候，有点儿像透过墨镜看世界，”致力于研究长期关系的科学家、俄亥俄州立大学行为医学研究所(Ohio State Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research)所长詹尼斯·基科特-格拉泽(Janice Kiecolt-Glaser)说。“他们的情绪更糟糕。我们的脾气变得很大。缺少睡眠会损害夫妻关系。”

The men and women in the study had been married from three to 27 years. They reported varying amounts of sleep — anywhere from three and a half to nine hours a night. Each couple made two visits to the lab, where the partners were prodded to talk about the issues that caused the most conflict in their relationship. Then the researchers analyzed videos of their exchanges using well-established scoring techniques to assess positive and negative interactions and hostile and constructive responses. After all the data were parsed, a clear pattern emerged.

这项研究中的男男女女步入婚姻少则三年，多则二十七年。他们报告的睡眠数量各不相同——从三个半小时到九个小时不等。每对夫妻都曾两次造访实验室，在那里会有人引导他们谈论引发其婚姻中最严重冲突的问题。随后研究人员会分析他们交流的视频，利用成熟的评分技术去评估积极和消极的交流，以及具有敌意的和建设性的回应。所有数据都被解析以后，一个清晰的图景浮出水面。

Couples were more likely to be hostile — like the couple fighting about the child’s birthday party — when both partners were functioning on less than seven hours of sleep.

那些男女双方的睡眠都少于七小时的夫妻——比如因为孩子的生日派对而争吵的那对夫妻——最有可能相互敌视。

Notably, the couples with more than seven hours of sleep still argued with each other, but the tone of their conflict was different. Consider this couple discussing concerns about spending and budget challenges.

值得注意的是，睡眠多于七小时的夫妻也会有争执，但冲突的氛围是不同的。且看下面这对忧心于花销和预算问题的夫妻。

“Do you want to try taking over the budget?”

“你是想要试着接管预算吗？”

“I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“我做不到。我不想要那样。”

“I understand.”

“我懂。”

“You’re just being too accepting. You can tell me I’m crazy.”

“你实在是看到什么都觉得好。你可以直接告诉我我疯了。”

“You’re not crazy.”

“你没疯。”

Although the couple had indicated they regularly argued about money issues, getting adequate sleep seemed to give them the patience to approach conflict in a constructive way.

这对夫妻表示，他们常常因为钱的事发生争执，但充足的睡眠似乎让他们有耐心以建设性的方式应对冲突。

“It’s not the fact that the couples were disagreeing,” Dr. Kiecolt-Glaser said. “It’s the lack of sleep and the way in which they disagreed.”

“问题不在于夫妻间意见不合，”基科特-格拉泽说，“而在于睡眠不足，以及提出不同意见的方式。”

She continued: “The better functioning couples could do it with humor and kindness but clearly still disagree. The poorer functioning couples could get pretty nasty.”

她还表示：“婚姻运作较好的夫妻可以带着幽默和善意来提出不同意见，但分歧显然还是分歧。婚姻运作较差的夫妻会表现出十分恶毒的样子。”

The notion that better sleep makes a better marriage isn’t entirely new. A large body of research suggests that sleep-deprived people are more unpleasant and even hostile in their social interactions than those who get adequate sleep. People tend to use more negative words when they are sleep deprived than on days when they have had a full night’s sleep. A 2010 study found that men were more likely to fight with their wives after a night of disturbed sleep. In a 2017 study, couples who reported poor sleep during a two-week period reported more daily marital conflict than those who got better sleep.

较好的睡眠可以带来较好的婚姻，这并不是一个全新的理念。有大量的研究显示，比起睡眠充足的人，睡眠被剥夺的人在社会交往中更不讨人喜欢，甚至心怀敌意。比起整晚安睡的日子，人们在睡眠被剥夺的时候往往会使用更负面的词语。2010年的一项研究发现，头天晚上睡眠受到干扰的男人，更容易与妻子吵架。在2017年的一项研究中，自行报告睡眠较差长达两周的夫妻，所报告的夫妻间日常冲突数量多于那些睡眠较好的夫妻。

But the Ohio State study went a step further to measure how marital discord combined with sleep deprivation can become toxic to a person’s health. Each partner in the study also gave blood samples, before and after the fight with their spouse. The samples were to measure markers of inflammation, which has been linked with heart disease, cancer and other health problems.

但俄亥俄州立大学的研究更进一步，旨在衡量与睡眠剥夺有关的夫妻失和会如何损害人的健康。此项研究中的每一个人在与其配偶争吵前和争吵后都会提交血液样本。这些样本被用于测量与心脏病、癌症以及其他健康问题有关联的炎症标记物。

The study found that when married partners got less sleep, not only were they more likely to have hostile conflicts, but they also had higher levels of inflammatory proteins in their blood after those conflicts. In short, marital discord is more toxic to your body when you haven’t gotten enough sleep.

该项研究显示，已婚者睡得较少时，不仅更容易跟配偶发生不愉快的冲突，冲突过后他们血液中炎性蛋白水平也会更高。简而言之，睡眠不足的时候，夫妻失和会对你的身体造成更严重的损害。

“Lack of sleep not only hurts the relationship,” said Dr. Kiecolt-Glaser, the senior author on the study, which was published in May in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology. “It makes relationship conflict harder on the body.”

相关论文已于5月在《神经心理内分泌学》(Psychoneuroendocrinology)杂志上发表，身为高级作者的基科特-格拉泽说，“睡眠不足不仅会损害夫妻关系，还会令夫妻间的冲突更严重地影响身体健康。”

There was some good news from the study. When one partner got more rest, it was possible to mitigate the impact of sleep deprivation on the other partner. Couples with one rested partner were less likely to engage in hostile exchanges than when both partners were sleep deprived.

这项研究也带来了一些好消息。夫妻中的一方得到更多休息，有可能减轻睡眠剥夺对另一方的影响。与双方睡眠均被剥夺的夫妻相比，有一方休息得很好的夫妻进行交流时不那么容易充满敌意。

“Sleep and conflict worked together to increase inflammation, but both partners’ sleep mattered,” said Stephanie Wilson, the study’s lead author and a postdoctoral fellow at Ohio State. “When one person was rested, it protected the couple from being more nasty to each other.”

“睡眠差和冲突共同推高了炎症水平，但夫妻双方的睡眠都很重要，”论文第一作者、俄亥俄州立大学博士后斯蒂芬妮·威尔逊(Stephanie Wilson)说。“一方休息好了，可以避免夫妻俩以更恶毒的态度对待彼此。”

Sleep problems in a relationship aren’t uncommon. The National Sleep Foundation found that nearly 25 percent of couples sleep in separate beds. Other research shows that having a bed partner affects how much and how well a person sleeps. And when one relationship partner doesn’t sleep well, his or her partner is more likely to report poor health and well-being.

在夫妻关系中，睡眠问题并不罕见。国家睡眠基金会(National Sleep Foundation)发现，有将近25%的夫妻分床而睡。其他一些研究显示，与人同床而睡会影响睡眠数量和质量。此外，当两口子中的一方睡得不好时，其配偶更有可能报告较差的健康状况和较低的幸福感。

While the recent study examined only heterosexual married couples, the findings likely are relevant to all couples, including cohabiting couples and gay and lesbian partners. “These are universal relationship processes,” said Dr. Wilson. “Just knowing these effects can happen can help people keep in mind the importance of getting a good night’s sleep and treading carefully with conflict.”

最近的这项研究虽然只针对异性恋夫妻，但其结论可能适用于所有伴侣，其中包括同居伴侣、男同性恋伴侣和女同性恋伴侣。“这些是具有普遍性的关系模式，”威尔逊说。“知道这些影响的存在，有助于让人记得晚上睡个好觉的重要性，并谨慎地处理冲突。”

The lesson, say the study authors, is that before concluding a relationship is in trouble, couples who regularly experience conflict should take stock not only of the relationship and how they are managing conflict, but also of their sleep habits.

论文作者称，这项研究告诉我们，常常发生争执的伴侣在判定一段关系陷入困境之前，不仅应该反思这段关系以及自己处理冲突的方式，还应该审视自己的睡眠习惯。

“Losing sleep here and there and coming across interpersonal tensions in daily life is really common for people,” Dr. Wilson said. “These are small vulnerabilities that may add up. It teaches you the importance of getting rested every night and handling disagreements in a mindful way.”

“在日常生活中，偶尔失眠以及人际关系变紧张其实很常见，”威尔逊说。“这些小问题或许会不断累积。它让我们知道了每晚好好休息以及谨慎处理分歧有多重要。”