为何你总是对另一半的前任耿耿于怀

Who among us feels more emotionally attached to their partner's ex than they do their own exes? It's okay to admit that you look at your partner's ex's Instagram a couple times a week, have seen every single available photo on their Facebook, and accidentally came across the old couple's photos your partner still has stashed in their room. You are not alone, and you're not a bad person, but your obsession with your partner's ex might be coming from a place of insecurity.

你们是不是觉得自己对另一半前任的感情比另一半对他/她的感情还要深？大方承认吧，每周你都会看几次另一半前任的Instagram、看他们脸书上的每张照片，偶尔你还会看到另一半藏在房间里的他们以前的合照。这样做的不止你一人，你也不是一个坏人，但你对另一半前任的迷恋可能是因为你没有安全感。

People often get jealous of their partner's former lovers or exes, to the point where they obsess and feel in direct competition, explains Michael Brustein, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. In most cases, there's nothing going on between your partner and their ex, but you might act or feel as though your partner is currently cheating, Dr. Brustein says. So, while you know deep down that your partner is, in fact, over their ex, you might still occasionally check in on their social media to make sure that you're still better than them - you know, just in case.

人们总会吃另一半前任的醋，甚至达到痴迷的程度，感觉自己在和前任竞争一样，纽约市的临床心理学家迈克尔·布鲁斯坦解释道。大多数情况下，你的另一半和他/她的前任之间根本没啥联系，但你却会臆想另一半正在出轨，布鲁斯坦医生说道。所以，虽然你内心深知另一半已经忘掉了她/他的前任，你可能还是会偶尔检查他们的社交媒体，以确保你还是比他们更优秀--以防万一，你懂的。

In many cases, this preoccupation with your partner's ex may stem from your own insecurities, but it can be exacerbated by your partner's comments about their ex, Dr. Brustein says. "Sometimes a partner can instigate [insecurities] if they are somehow still connected to their ex, or unconsciously or consciously bring up things that are triggering," he says. And when you feel like you're already lacking in some way, you're more easily triggered by these comments or bits of information.

大多数情况下，这种对另一半前任的成见可能源于你自己没有安全感。但另一半对其前任的评语可能会加大你的不安全感，布鲁斯坦医生说道。"有时候，如果另一半仍在以某种方式和前任联系或者有意无意的提起让你恼怒的话题，那他们就是在触发你的不安全感，"他说道。当你本身就缺乏安全感时，这些话语或信息更有可能激发你。

If you feel like you have to go out of your way to keep tabs on your partner's ex, then your fixation might be a form of self-sabotage, Dr. Brustein says. "There are times when somebody might be doing this to rationalize getting out of [a relationship]," he says. Again, this most likely stems from an insecurity that your partner is still connected with their ex or that you're never going to measure up to their past partners.

如果你觉得自己需要竭尽全力的密切关注另一半的前任，那么你的固执可能是一种自我破坏，布鲁斯坦医生说道。"有时候有些人这么做是给自己撇开这段感情找个借口，"他说道。而这在很大程度上，又是源于不安全感：你的另一半仍和前任有联系，你觉得自己永远都比不上他/她的前任。

The good news is that, in most cases, your stress and worries about your partner's ex will eventually go away, but it might require some introspective reflection, and possibly a conversation with your partner.

好消息是，在大多数情况下，你的压力和对另一半前任的担心最终都会消散的，但这可能需要你自我反思，可能还需要你和另一半谈一谈。