你和另一半是超级亲密还是相互依赖

Signs you're in a codependent relationship

这些迹象表明你们相互依赖着

Sharing a tight bond with your partner is a wonderful thing, especially if you spend time doing activities you both get a kick out of and are on the same page in terms of values and goals.

和另一半亲密无间是件好事，尤其是花时间做些让你俩都兴奋不已的事情、而且你们的价值观和目标也都一致。

But there is such a thing as being too closely connected to the point that it hurts you and your relationship in the long run. It's called codependency, which means you're too encapsulated in your significant other—dependent on them for approval and a self-esteem boost and always allowing their emotions and actions to take the lead and influence your own.

但从长远角度来看，太过亲密就会伤害你以及你们的关系。这被称作相互依赖，也就是说你太过依赖另一半了——依赖他们的批准、依赖他们增强你的自尊、总是让他们的情感和行为影响你。

Codependency can be defined as "an unhealthy, dysfunctional, or dangerous reliance on another person," says Andrea Miller, author of Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love. "I think of it as a relationship that’s characterized by scarcity and fear over love." While it's normal to want your partner's support and feel certain that what you two have is unique and special, people who are codependent need validation all the time.

我们可以将相互依赖定义为“对另一个人的不健康的、功能失调的或者危险的依赖，”《彻底接受：幸福长久恋情的秘诀》一书的作者德里亚•米勒说道。“我认为这是一种关系，其特点就是稀缺以及对爱的恐惧。”虽然想得到另一半的支持、确信你们俩独一无二而又特殊是很正常的事情，但相互依赖的人无时无刻都要得到认同。

A codependent relationship can be one where both partners have this dysfunctional reliance on the other, or it can be totally one-sided, with only one person looking to the other, who may actually like having so much control. If you think you might be the codependent one, this expert-backed checklist will help you figure it out. (And if any apply to your partner, they might be codependent on you.)

在相互依赖的关系中，恋爱双方可能都对另一方存在着这种功能失调的依赖；也有可能只是一方完全依赖另一方，而另一方可能真的很喜欢这种控制感。如果你觉得你是依赖对方的那种人，这一专家认可的清单将帮你理清头绪，到底属不属于这类人。（如果对你的另一半适用，那他们可能很依赖你哦。）

You’re afraid to make decisions on your own

你害怕独自做决定

If you feel a need to have your partner weigh in on every aspect of your life, from when you should hang out with your friends to whether you should go for a promotion at your workplace, it could mean you're codependent.

如果你需要另一半参与你生活的各方各面，既要管什么时候可以与朋友见面、又要管是否参加公司的升职活动，那就意味着你很依赖他/她了。

"You shouldn’t not listen to how your partner feels, but if at the end of the day you can't consider anything without their agreement, then you may be too dependent," Gail Saltz, MD, a New York City–based psychiatrist, tells Health. While committed relationships require compromise from time to time, finding yourself anxious about making a decision without you partner's input could mean you're insecure about your own judgment. Instead of trusting what you think is right, you go with what your partner says or wants.

“你不该不听另一半的感受，但如果在一天结束时，没有他们的同意你考虑不了任何事情，那你就太依赖他/她了，”纽约市的精神科医生盖尔•萨尔茨医学博士对《健康》杂志说道。虽然固定关系需要不时妥协，但没有另一半的输入你就无法做决定却意味着你可能对自己的判断并不确信。你没有相信自己以为正确的想法，而是听从了另一半的说法。