为什么你和另一半的家人处不来

"My boyfriend's mom doesn't understand that just because I'm the same age as her kids, I am not her kid," says Vanessa, a Miami-based yoga instructor. "She has very strong opinions, and unfortunately she cannot keep them to herself. She has no problem making comments about my finances, my struggles with mental health, or what I'm eating. She'll make fun of me if I turn down a drink, saying I'm obsessed with being thin, when really it's because alcohol messes with my antidepressants! I find it so intrusive and out of line."

"我男朋友的妈妈并不理解这一点：仅仅因为我和她的孩子同龄，并不意味着我就是她的孩子呀，"迈阿密的瑜伽教练瓦内莎说道。"她固执已见，但不幸的是，她无法将这些想法藏在心底。她总是评论我的财务状况、我与精神健康的斗争或者我在吃什么。如果我拒绝饮酒，她便取笑我，说我痴迷于变瘦，但实际情况确是酒精会干扰我的抗抑郁药药效！我觉得这一点十分冒犯我，太过线了。"

Vanessa isn't the only one with a less-than-perfect relationship with her significant other's family. Julie, a physical therapist in California, has run into cultural differences with her fiancé's relatives. "On the one hand, they are very caring and generous people. On the other hand, they come from a very different, very traditional religious background, so their worldviews, perspectives, and opinions differ from mine," she says. "Because I see them infrequently, I haven't made it a priority to speak up. I normally retreat and act polite, and don't express myself like I would if I were with friends or my own family, which probably prevents us from being truly close."

与另一半家庭相处不融洽的并非只有瓦内莎一人。加州物理治疗师朱莉与她未婚夫的亲戚存在文化差异。"一方面，他们善解人意、十分慷慨。另一半方面，他们有着非常不同的传统宗教背景，所以他们的世界观、观点和想法都和我存在差异，"她说道。"因为我和他们不常见，所以我没把它当一回事儿。通常我都会退缩、表现得十分礼貌，表达自己的方式也和在家人或朋友面前不一样，也许正因如此，我们才没有那么亲密吧。"

According to Megan Fleming, PhD, a New York City-based relationship therapist, it's common to have a challenging relationship with your partner's extended family. "We all have an ideal of what we imagine it should be like to grow our family and we hope that our in-laws will offer support and have our back," she says. "But for many reasons, that doesn't always happen."

纽约市情感治疗师梅根·弗莱明博士表示，与另一半的大家庭相处时具有挑战性是很常见的。"关于如何发展我们的家庭，我们都是有理想状态的，我们希望我们的公婆能提供支持，"她说道。"但是由于各种原因，这种情况并不常见。"

Because no one wants to go through life dreading holidays and get-togethers, we asked Fleming to give us advice on the best ways to handle fraught relationships with your partner's parents (or siblings or cousins or grandparents). Read on for the most common problems people face, plus how to handle each one.

因为没有人愿意一生在令人恐惧的节假日和聚会中度过，所以我们请弗莱明提供一些与另一半父母（或兄弟姐妹、堂兄堂妹或祖父母）相处的最佳方式。继续读下去，看看人们经常会遇到哪些问题，以及如何处理这些问题。

The problem: They're intrusive

问题：他们总是打扰我们

Some family members just don't respect boundaries. "They may think they can drop by your place unannounced or expect that you two are going to spend your vacation time with them," says Fleming. "They might even be pretending to be generous, but it can feel like an expectation rather than a friendly invitation."

有些家庭成员就是不尊重界限。"他们可能认为可以在不打招呼的情况下到访你们的住处，或期待你们的假期和他们一起度过，"弗莱明说道。"他们甚至可能假装大方，但却给人一种期盼而非友好邀请的感觉。"