研究表明 劝慰别人时候只要静静聆听就可以了

Struggling for the right thing to say -- or post on Facebook -- over a loved one's hardship? You can stop now.

当所爱之人经历困境，你是否很纠结不知道说什么或者在Facebook上发表些什么？你现在可以什么都不用说了。

Turns out there isn't really one right phrase that will make everything better, according to a series of studies published in the journal Basic and Applied Social Psychology.

发表在《基础与应用社会心理学》杂志上的一系列研究表明，实际上并没有一个正确的短语能让一切变得更好。

Psychologists at Wayne State University in Detroit asked 54 undergrads to rate 96 "supportive" statements, tackling eight hypothetical crisis situations.

底特律韦恩州立大学的心理学家让54名本科生对96种“支持性”叙述进行打分，处理8种假设的危机情况。

With the statements, they cast a wide net -- from optimistic reassurances ("things have a way of working out for the best") to phrases designed to make them feel included ("so what if you didn't make the team -- now you can spend more time with us").

通过这些叙述，他们撒下了一张大网：从乐观的保证（“事情会有最好的结果的”），到旨在让他们感到被包容的短语（“如果你没有加入团队，那又怎样?现在你可以花更多时间与我们在一起了”）。

But no one approach struck a chord with participants. Instead, and as previous research in this field has suggested, soul-soothing words seem to boil down to individual preferences.

但没有一种说法能引起参与者的共鸣。相反，正如这一领域之前的研究所表明的，抚慰心灵的话语似乎可以归结为个人喜好。

Simply put: it's down to people's individual quirks, which can be hard to predict.

简单地说：这取决于人的个人癖好，很难预测。

To further back up their hypothesis, lead researcher Shawna Tanner's team tasked 33 clinical psychologists, undergrad and graduate clinical trainees with rating statements made by counselors in therapy training videos.

为了进一步支持他们的假设，首席研究员肖娜·坦纳的团队让33名临床心理学家、本科和研究生临床实习生观看心理治疗师在治疗培训视频中所做的分级叙述。

Again, there was virtually no unanimity about which statements helped more than hurt.

同样，对于哪些叙述的帮助大于伤害，几乎没有一致意见。

Kim Allen-McGinley, a Staten Island-based psychotherapist, says it doesn't really matter exactly what you say. Just say something -- and, more importantly, listen.

斯塔顿岛的心理治疗师金·艾伦-麦克金利说，你说什么真的并不重要。说点什么就可以了，更重要的是倾听。

"The most important thing you can do for a loved one in pain is respect their healing process and let them know you're there for them with no conditions," says Allen-McGinley.

艾伦-麦克金利说：“你能为处于痛苦中的所爱之人做的最重要的事情，就是尊重他们的康复过程，让他们知道你无条件地支持他们。”

"Most people in a lot of pain tend to carry feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and depression, so it's important that they feel they have a safe place to share these emotions without judgement."

“大多数处于极度痛苦中的人往往会感到羞耻、内疚、焦虑和抑郁，所以重要的是，他们觉得自己有一个安全的地方来分享这些情绪，而不需要被评头论足。”