这11种身体语言会害了你

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

重点不在于你说了什么，而在于你怎么说。

It's an old cliché, but it's true. That's why body language is such a crucial part of communicating. The way you act can warp the entire meaning of what you're saying.

这是老生常谈，但却是一条真理。身体语言在沟通交流中是非常关键的一部分，你的身体语言甚至可以使你的话偏离本意。

That being said, bad body language habits are the often hardest habits to break. We become so accustomed to slouching, averting our eyes, or folding our arms that we barely even notice what we're doing.

尽管如此，不好的身体语言习惯往往是最难改掉的恶习。我们太习惯于懒散的坐姿、说话时不直视他人，将双臂交叉抱于胸前，以至于自己都意识不到这些习惯的存在。

Here are several body language mistakes that are going to be tough to ditch. Still, if you're able to quit them, you'll definitely thank yourself later.

以下是11种很难改掉的身体语言错误。不过，如果你能改掉它们，你以后会为此而庆幸。

Fidgeting

坐立不安

If you've gotten into the habit of fidgeting, it can be difficult to snap out of it. However, it's important to take steps to reigning in this nervous habit.

如果你没事就爱抖腿，那么要改掉这个习惯将会很难。但是，采取措施来遏制这个神经质的习惯很重要。

Fidgeting demonstrates nervousness and a lack of power, as body language expert and "The Power of Body Language" author Tonya Reiman previously told Business Insider.

身体语言专家、《身体语言的力量》作者托尼娅•雷曼早前曾告诉《商业内幕》说，抖腿表现出一个人的紧张不安和弱势。

Playing with your hair

玩弄头发

Leave your hair alone. Constantly running your hands across your scalp and twirling your locks is pretty distracting. Plus, as ABC reported, it can damage your hair overtime. It can be hard to quit, so try playing around a stress ball instead of your hair.

别弄你的头发了。不停地捋头发和捻发梢相当令人分神。而且，据美国广播公司报道，长期这么做会损害你的发质。这种习惯很难改掉，所以最好还是放过头发，试着去玩压力球吧。

Adopting a defensive pose

防御性姿势

Many people naturally cross their arms or hunch over a bit just because they don't know what to do with their hands.

许多人很自然地把双臂交叉或是用双臂支着前倾的身体，只是因为他们不知道该拿自己的手怎么办。

However, this posture can make you look uncomfortable, defensive, or untrustworthy.

然而，这种姿势却会让你看起来不舒服、处于防御状态，或不值得信任。

"You should always keep your hands in view when you are talking," Patti Wood, a body language expert and author of "SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma," previously told Business Insider. When a listener can't see your hands, they wonder what you are hiding."

身体语言专家、《快速入门：用身体语言营造最佳第一印象和个人魅力》的作者帕蒂•伍德曾告诉《商业内幕》说：“在谈话的时候，你应该始终把手放在别人看得到的地方。如果听众看不到你的手，他们会好奇你在隐藏什么。”

Doing weird things with your hands

做一些古怪的手势

To gesture or not to gesture? That is the question.

做手势还是不做手势？这是个问题。

Some people keep too still while speaking, while others flail all over the place.

有些人在讲话的时候呆立不动，而有些人则是双手乱舞。

As the Washington Post previously reported, behavioral consultant Vanessa Van Edwards notes that using hand gestures while speaking is actually an effective way to engage your audience.

据《华盛顿邮报》先前的报道，行为顾问瓦内莎•凡•爱德华兹指出，讲话时做手势是吸引观众注意力的一种有效的方法。

The trick is, avoiding the hand gestures that will trip you up. Don't point, don't pretend to conduct an imaginary orchestra (seriously), and don't get too choreographed.

诀窍在于，避免那些会让你出错的手势。不要指来指去、不要假装在指挥一场想象中的交响乐（我可不是在开玩笑），不要刻意设计动作。

Shuffling instead of walking

拖着脚走而不是好好走路

Humans are pretty judgmental creatures. We think we can tell a lot about someone based on snap judgments over something as simple as their manner of walking.

人类是很喜欢指摘评判的生物。我们以为自己单单凭借走路姿势这种简单小事就能够以小见大。

As BBC reported, how we walk can actually determine our risk of being mugged.

据BBC报道，我们的走路姿势事实上能够决定我们被抢劫的风险。

It can be hard to change up your walk once you've fallen into bad habits, but it's important to walk with confidence and coordination. Don't shuffle through life.

一旦你形成不好的走路习惯，要改变走路姿势确实很难，但是自信协调地走路真的很重要。不要拖着脚步浑浑噩噩度日。

Forgetting to smile

忘记微笑

Reiman previously told Business Insider that smiling demonstrates confidence, openness, warmth, and energy.

雷曼早前曾告诉《商业内幕》说，微笑展示出一个人的自信、开放、热情和活力。

"It also sets off the mirror neurons in your listener, instructing them to smile back. Without the smile, an individual is often seen as grim or aloof," she explained.

她解释说：“微笑还能触发听众的镜像神经元，引导他们同样微笑以对。如果脸上没有笑意，一个人看上去就显得阴沉高冷。”

Appearing distracted

看上去心不在焉

There's nothing more irritating than talking to someone who's clearly not paying attention to you.

再没有什么比对着一个心不在焉的人说话更让人恼火的事情了。

Some people are just naturally distracted or busy, so it can be tempting to check your phone or watch at every available moment. Still, you've got to keep this impulse in check when you're around others. Otherwise, you'll just come across as a rude and uncaring person.

有些人只是被其他事分心或太忙所以才心不在焉，这种情况下人们很容易时不时地查看手机或手表。但是，当你和别人在一起时，你还是要遏制住这种冲动。否则你在别人看来将是一个无礼的没心没肺的人。

Slouching

弯腰驼背

Stand up straight. Terrible posture is easy to develop, especially if you're slouched over a desk for the majority of the day.

站直了。一个人很容易养成糟糕的站姿和坐姿，尤其是当一个人一天的大多数时间都伏案办公的情况下。

Slouching doesn't just make you look un-confident, writes Catherine New for Psychology Today, it's also bad for your back. Improve your health and the image you present to the world by standing up straight.

《今日心理学》的撰稿作者卡瑟琳•纽写道，弯腰驼背不仅让你看起来不自信，而且对你的背部也有损害。站直既可以改善你的健康，也可以提升你的个人形象。

Nonexistent or aggressive eye contact

没有眼神交流或是咄咄逼人的眼神交流

Here's another body language pitfall where moderation is key.

这是身体语言的另外一大陷阱，关键在于温和适度。

"What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message)" author Sharon Sayler previously told Business Insider that the ideal amount of eye contact should be "a series of long glances instead of intense stares."

《你的身体在说什么（如何掌控身体语言）》的作者莎伦•塞勒曾告诉《商业内幕》，理想的眼神交流应该是“有间隔的扫视而不是深深的凝视”。

Overly long stares can make whoever you're talking to pretty uncomfortable. On the other hand, averting your eyes indicates disgust or a lack of confidence.

过长的凝视会让对方感到相当不舒服。另一方面，避免眼神交流则传达出你的厌恶或缺乏自信。

Being too still

呆立不动

It's definitely good not to be jumping all over the place, constantly. However, you don't want to be too eerily calm during conversations. This may make people feel uneasy, or that you're not interested in what they're saying.

上蹿下跳的当然不好。但是，谈话当中你也不能表现得过于呆滞。这会让人们感到不安，或认为你对他们所说的不感兴趣。

Instead, try to mirror the person you're speaking with. Don't mimic them — they'll probably get offended by that — but subtly copy some of their gestures and expressions.

你应该试着去应和对方。不是模仿他们——这可能会激怒对方——而是微妙地重复一些他们的动作和表情。

Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Jeff Thompson notes that mirroring will leave people perceiving you as positive and persuasive.

杰夫•汤姆森博士在给《今日心理学》撰写的稿件中提到，应和对方会给人留下积极、有说服力的印象。

It can be tough to break out of your poker face, especially if you're just naturally not that expressive — but it's worth trying, since it can improve how you're perceived.

要摆脱一本正经的“扑克脸”确实很难，尤其是如果你天生表情就不丰富的话，但这值得去尝试着改变，因为这能改善你在他人心目中的印象。

Mismatching verbal and non-verbal communication

身体语言和说话内容不搭

You might be saying all the right things — but if your body language doesn't match up with your words, you might end up rubbing people the wrong way.

你也许说的每一句话都没错，但如果你的身体语言和你说出的话不搭，你可能就会把别人惹毛了。

In fact, researchers at Sacred Heart University devoted an entire study to this phenomenon. Their subjects were married couples, but their finding was pretty universal — when verbal and non-verbal messages do not align, "nonverbal signals carry the brunt of the emotional message."

事实上，圣心大学曾经专门研究过这种现象。他们的研究主体是已婚夫妇，但是研究结果却可以广泛地应用于其他人——当口头和身体所传达出的信息不一致时，“人们主要看身体语言所传达的情感信息”。