如何打开一位害羞同事的心？

Shyness, according to Psychology Today, is "the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people."

根据《今日心理学》杂志的报道，“腼腆心理”这指的是：“与他人接触、或他人与自己接触时，所感到的局促不安或恐惧感。”

Shy people often "desperately want to connect with others, but don't know how or can't tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction."

害羞的人们通常“非常想要与他人打交道，但是不知道采用何种方式，或者无法忍受人际交流之间所产生的焦虑。”

John Stoker, president of Dialogue WORKS and author of "Overcoming Fake Talk," says that 40% or more of the population would classify as "shy."

Dialogue WORKS网站的董事长，同时也是《战胜谎言》一书的作者John Stoker表示，如今有40%或以上的人都能归类到“害羞”的人群。

That means there's a good chance you'll have to deal with shy people at the office, networking events, or client meetings – and it may behoove you to know how to approach them.

这就意味着，你很有可能在职场、社交活动、或者客户会面的时候遇到害羞的人们，而你很有必要了解如何与他们相处。

We asked Stoker for his tips on making a shy person feel at ease, and getting them to open up quickly.

我们咨询了Stoker，他给我们一些建议，帮助我们如何让一位害羞的朋友感到放松，更快地打开他们的心。

Here are the six steps he shared:

下面是他给我们分享的6个要点：

1. Start with an introduction and an easy question

1. 以自我介绍或一个简单的问题作为开场白

"Hi, I'm Jane Doe from _____. Who are you?"

“你好，我叫Jane Doe, 来自……，你呢？”

While this may seem like a blunt introduction, Stoker says that you have to start with a simple, innocuous question like this to build a rapport.

虽然这个问题听起来有点唐突，不过Stoker表示，你要以这样简单的、无害的问题来建立一个融洽的关系。

"Asking questions is the easiest way to deepen or create a relationship with someone," he says.“

提出问题是最简单的方法，可以加深或建立与他人的联系。”他表示。

2. Affirm the meeting

2. 认可双方的见面

"If you make the first move by introducing yourself and taking an interest in the person, you will help to set them at ease, which will help you to establish a relationship with the person that could pay huge returns," he says.“

如果你首先自我介绍，然后对对方表示感兴趣，你就能让对方感到轻松自在，也有助你们建立良好的关系，还有可能获得丰厚的回报。”

But you'll want to go a step further and tell them how excited you are to be meeting them.

不过你还想更进一步，告诉对方你们之间的见面让自己多么的兴奋。

Try something like "I'm so glad we had a chance to meet today," "I'm so happy we're finally meeting!" or "It certainly is a pleasure to meet you today."

试试这样说：“我很高兴有机会与你见面。”“真好！我们终于见面了！”或者是“今天能见到你真是一件快乐的事情。”

3. Use their name — often

3. 使用对方的名字，并且常常使用

"People love to hear their name," Stoker says.“

“人们都喜欢听到自己的名字。”Stoker说道。

So address them by it whenever possible.

所以就尽可能呼叫对方的名字吧。

It tells them that you really listened to their introduction and that you're engaged in the conversation.

这样能告诉对方，你确实聆听了他们的自我介绍，并且你有投入到对话当中。

4. Explore their interests

4. 发掘对方的兴趣

Stoker suggests asking thoughtful — but non-threatening — questions that will help them to reveal themselves to you. For instance, you can ask about their interests, hobbies, or passion projects.

Stoker建议，在与害羞的人们相处的时候，提出体贴关切的、但又不具威胁的问题，可以放下对方的防备心，更敢于向你展现自己。比如，你可以提问关于兴趣爱好或者激情项目的问题。

You can also make observations and ask questions about those. For example, "I noticed the tennis-racket charm on your necklace. Do you play?"

你还可以好好观察对方，然后提出相关的问题。例如，“我看到你脖子上的网球拍形状项链了，你打网球吗？”

5. Offer your assistance

5. 主动提供帮助

Shy people don't always feel comfortable marching up to someone and saying, "Hey, I need help with this," so put them at ease by offering your assistance whenever possible.

害羞腼腆的人们不懂得主动亲近他人并说：“嘿，能不能帮帮我做这个？”所以你可以在方便的时候多给他们提供帮助，以此增添对方的安全感。

6. Let the conversation flow

6. 让交谈继续下去

Once you get to this point, you should be able to "jump around and go where the conversation takes you," he says. "You just never know what you might learn."

到了这一步，你还得“多找新话题，聊聊感兴趣的事”，他表示，“你永远都不知道你会从这些对话当中学到的东西是多么的丰富。”