给独立的你：依赖另一半不等于失去自我

Like many strong, independent women, I was committed to not losing myself in a relationship. After some digging, I realized that my commitment to freedom was making me feel really alone -- even when I was married. I was still operating as if I was single. As if I had to do it all by myself. So here I was, with a partner ready to give me what I wanted -- and I wouldn't let him. Subconsciously, I was terrified that if I started to rely on my husband for anything that would mean I was dependent (which meant I could get hurt). But I stopped using the excuse that I don't want to lose myself as a reason I had to "do it all on my own."

像很多坚强独立的女性一样，我坚持不在感情中失去自我。但尝试几次之后，我意识到正是我对自由的坚持使我真正感觉孤独，甚至结婚之后也是如此。我仍然表现得好像自己依然单身，好像什么都得自己去做。所以我就是这样的，老公准备给我我想要的东西，但我也不让。我下意识地害怕如果我开始事事依赖我丈夫，那就意味着我不再独立（也就意味着我会受伤）。但后来我不再拿“不想失去自我”当作亲力亲为的借口了。

Here's how you can start to bring your own wall down and let a man into your life:

下面就教你如何开始打破心里障碍让男人进入你的生活。

1. Identify this wall and where it came from.

认清心里障碍，知道它从何而来。

If you watched one of your parents lose themselves or felt like one parent sacrificed a lot for the other, you too, at a young age, maybe said, "I'm not going to depend on a man."

如果你看到父母中有一个失去了自我，或者感觉他们中有一个人为另外那个人牺牲了很多，那年纪轻轻的你可能也会说：“我以后才不会靠男人。”

Or maybe you simply don't like your parents relationship because it felt like one or both were trapped in some way.

或者可能你仅仅是不喜欢你父母那样的关系，因为那样感觉好像一个人或者两个人都被困住了。

You may even admire your parent's relationship, but still noticed one parent was more dominant over the other. Did you always hear "You'll have to make sure that's okay with mom first" or "We can't buy that because dad will get mad" in your home?

你可能甚至会欣赏你父母那样的关系，但仍然注意到其中一个人占统治地位。你是否在家里总是听见诸如“你先要确定妈妈会同意”或者“我们不能买那个因为爸爸会疯掉的”此类的话？

Do a little digging and identify the wall for yourself, no matter what your scenario. This wall can be what's keeping you single (just as much as this wall had me on the brink of divorce).

无论你属于哪种情况，你都要挖掘并认清你心中的障碍，那就是你依旧单身的根源（正如这道障碍差点使我离婚一样）。

2. Commit to trying to let a man take care of you, even in a small ways.

一定要努力让男人照顾你，即使事情小得微不足道。

When you let men take care of you -- from opening the salsa jar, to opening doors for you, to letting him pay for dinner -- your experiences with men will change.

你让男人照顾你时，从开果酱罐子、为你开门，到让他付晚餐的钱，你和男人在一起的感觉会改变。

Yes, you know you can do these things yourself -- you're a strong, independent woman after all. But asking for support even in small ways helps tame the knee jerk reaction to shut a man out, and instead opens you up to letting him in.

是的，你知道这些事情你完全可以自己做，毕竟你是一个坚强独立的女性。但即使是小事也要让男人帮忙，这样能避免你把男人拒之门外，相反还可以打开心扉让男人进入你的心里。

When you let the right kinds of men support you, it gives that man PURPOSE in your life. A place where he fits, can contribute, and love you up the way you want to be loved.

你找到合适的男人来照顾你时，这便给了那个男人在你生活中的目标。他有适合的位置，能够使他以你想要的方式来爱你。

That's what helps men notice you, has them ask you out, and keeps them coming back for more.

这能使男人注意到你，给了他们约你的理由，还能让他们继续跟你交往。

So give it a shot.

所以你尽可一试。