你在心生犹豫吗 看看婚前协议怎么谈

Sometimes in the thick of a messy and awkward prenuptial agreement negotiation, Laura A. Wasser, a Los Angeles-based family lawyer, reminds her clients: “This is not someone you got into a fender bender with. This is someone you want to spend your life with.” So be nice, for starters. Wasser pushes clients to sign all the paperwork at least a month before the wedding, but she suggests broaching the subject much earlier. “Sit down to talk with a good bottle of wine, but don’t drink so much that you end up drunk and fighting,” she says. “Bring it up when things are good, not when you’re bickering.”

有时，在一场混乱而尴尬的婚前协议谈判进行到最激烈的阶段，洛杉矶的家庭事务律师劳拉·A·瓦塞尔(Laura A. Wasser)会提醒客户：“对方不是与你发生车祸纠纷的人，而是你想要共度一生的人。”所以，首先要友善。瓦塞尔强烈建议客户在婚礼的至少一个月之前签署所有的文件，而开始讨论这个话题的时间更应早得多。“坐下来伴着一瓶上好的葡萄酒来谈，但别喝太多，免得最后喝醉了争吵起来，”她说。“在气氛愉快的时候提出这个话题，不要在发生口角的时候提。”

If the idea of a prenup does not go over well, blame someone else: your parents or, if you have lawyers and business managers, your advisers. Before you hire a lawyer, though, learn about your state’s marriage and divorce laws. “It is amazing how many people go into the contract of marriage — and it is a contract — without knowing the terms,” she says.

如果婚前协议的想法没有得到良好反馈，就把责任怪到别人头上：你的父母，或者，如果你有律师或业务经理人的话，也可以推到他们这些顾问身上。不过，在聘请律师之前，首先要了解你所在州的婚姻和离婚方面的法律。“有太多人不了解条款就缔结了婚姻的契约——这的确就是一份契约——这可真让人不可思议。”

Keep your proposed arrangement simple. “You hear about prenups that say, ‘If you don’t lose the baby weight, I get to divorce you,’ or, ‘If you cheat on me, I get this much money,’ ” says Wasser, whose clients have included Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears. Her firm refuses to include so-called lifestyle clauses — curtailing visits from in-laws or how often you have sex — because they are largely unenforceable in court.

让你提出的条件简单明了。“有的婚前协议甚至会说，‘如果你不减掉婴儿肥，我就跟你离婚，’或者‘如果你对我不忠，我就会获得多少钱，’”瓦瑟尔说。她的客户包括安吉丽娜·朱莉(Angelina Jolie)和布兰妮·斯皮尔斯(Britney Spears)。瓦瑟尔的律所拒绝在协议中纳入所谓的“生活方式条款”——比如限制亲家串门次数或是规定做爱的频率——因为这些在法庭上基本无法执行。

Even if you and your betrothed are penniless or view prenuptial agreements as a sordid elevation of capital over love, all couples should make the time to talk about the big questions that prenups answer up front. “Who is paying for what? How much do you save? Are you going to go back to work after you have children? What happens when one of us dies?”

即使你和未婚夫或未婚妻穷得身无分文，或者认为婚前协议是把金钱置于爱情之上的丑陋之举，所有的情侣也都应该花时间谈论婚前协议会直接解答的那些重要问题：“谁来负担哪些开销？存多少钱？女方生完孩子要继续工作吗？一方离世了该怎么办？”