研究：走出分手阴影仅需11周

A new study, aimed at discovering the positive effects of break-ups, has suggested it takes three months to get over a relationship falling apart.

一项致力于寻找分手积极作用的新研究发现，三个月的时间可以使人从一段破裂的感情中走出来。

Research published in US magazine, The Journal of Positive Psychology, found that it takes 11 weeks to feel the beneficial effects of a relationship split.

这项研究刊登于美国杂志《积极心理学》学刊，发现分手后11周人们会感受到积极效果。

This follows previous findings that it could take up to six months to be able to move on.

此前有研究称人们分手六个月后才能恢复正常生活。

Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco of Monmouth University, New Jersey, questioned 155 people who had been through a break-up in the last six months.

新泽西州蒙莫斯大学的盖里·莱万多夫斯基（Gary Lewandowski）和尼克尔·比佐科（Nicole Bizzoco）询问了155个在过去六个月内分手的人。

They found that 71 per cent of people began to see the positives in the split in just a short period of time.

他们发现71%的人在短时间内就已经开始看到分手的积极影响。

Those who've made it through the initial three months after a break are described as having left 'the recovery zone', a period of painful adjustment and healing.

三个月内走出阴影的被认为是摆脱了“恢复期”，这是一段充满痛苦和治愈的时期。

Lewandowski and Bizzoco found that people started to feel better about themselves and developed strong coping strategies beyond the 11 week mark.

莱万多夫斯基和比佐科发现11周后人们开始感觉良好并且变积极应对。

However, this research may only apply to short term relationships. A different study that questioned how long it would take couples to get over a divorce found the time frame was significantly longer.

然而，这一研究只适用于短期关系。另一项夫妻需多久走出离婚阴影的研究发现，这需要比11周长很多的时间。

Dating site Fifties.com found that it takes an average of 18 months to get over a marriage breakdown, which is six times longer than Lewandowski and Bizzoco's estimate.

交友网站Fifties.com发现，婚姻破裂后人们平均需要18个月来恢复，是莱万多夫斯基和比佐科预计的六倍。

This may be because a marriage is considered a more serious commitment. Of those questioned by the website one in six said they found it hard to deal with the feelings of failure.

这也许是因为婚姻更为严肃，该网站调查的人中，有六分之一表示他们难以面对失败的感觉。

And while 43 per cent of people said that they felt a sense of relief when their divorce came through 31 per cent said that they still felt a sense of sadness.

43%的人表示自己离婚后感觉到了解脱，31%的人会感到沮丧。

If you find yourself suddenly alone, don't despair. Relationship expert and self help guru Dr Pam Spurr gives her tips for healing the heartache...

如果你突然觉得孤独，不要失望，恋爱专家和自助专家帕姆·斯普尔（Pam Spurr）博士给出了治疗心痛的意见：

1. Don't blame yourself

不要自责

Remind yourself regularly that the relationship ended because your partner had the problem with communicating, which was nothing to do with you. You were willing and able to talk about your problems but your partner couldn't deal with that... which is their loss.

经常提醒自己，你们关系的终结是由于对方不善于沟通，与你无关。你愿意与对方探讨自己的问题，但他无力解决，这是他的损失。

2. Take up something new

找些新乐子

It's important that it's completely unrelated to your ex, and even better if it's something they didn't want you to do! So many people who've had these sort of break-ups keep doing the same things they did with their ex, which just increases their pain. Leave those things until much later, when the pain of the break-up has faded.

这些事必须与你的前任毫无关系，最好是他不愿让你做的事！很多人分手后做着和从前一样的事，这只会徒增痛苦，把那些事留到以后做吧，直到分手的痛苦消失。

3. Date for fun

为了开心去约会

Now's not the time to look for another meaningful relationship. Enjoy your friends, go out with interesting people, but put all thoughts of a replacement relationship out of your mind.

现在不是找新伴侣的时候，享受友谊，和有趣的人外出，但是不考虑寻找新的另一半。

4. Don't be a relationship bore

不要不停诉苦

Spend more time with your friends and family by all means, but try not to keep going over the break-up with them again and again. Much as they love you and want you to be happy, even they can't be expected to stick around if you're constantly going over the same ground. You need your friends, so don't scare them away!

多花些时间陪伴家人和朋友，不要一再诉说分手的痛苦。他们爱你，希望你开心，不想听到你不停诉苦。你需要朋友，所以不要吓走他们。

5. Work on your 'I don't care' attitude

保持“我不在乎”的态度

Even if you do still deeply care about your ex, with practise this will really help speed up your recovery. Focus on all the annoying things they used to do; try and decide what used to irritate you the most. Soon you'll be amazed to find you really don't care any more.

即使你很在意你的前任，“我不在乎”的态度也可以帮助你快速恢复。关注他们所做的一切惹人烦的事情，选择一件最能激怒你的，很快你就会发现你不在乎。