爱情专家：选择伴侣跟选择宠物类似

Do you always go for the wrong men, but have the most perfect pet? Then this relationship advice may be for you.

你是否总是会遇上错的人，却拥有一只最适合你的宠物？那么不妨看看以下这条恋爱建议。

A leading love expert has suggested there are parallels between picking the perfect partner and the way you choose your dog.

一位著名的爱情专家认为，人们在选择最佳伴侣时有点类似于选择宠物狗。

Author and relationship coach Dr Annie Kaszina Ph.D - who is the first to admit she has her own chequered relationship history - discovered that by applying these principles she could finally make the right choices.

安妮博士是作家兼人际关系教练。作为第一个勇于承认自己复杂恋爱史的人，她发现采用一些法则会使她做出正确的选择。

When Annie met Orlandino it was love at first sight: the big brown eyes, the irresistible looks, the knack he had of making her laugh.

当安妮第一眼看到欧兰迪诺（Orlandino）时，便觉得他十分可爱。欧兰迪诺拥有一双棕色的大眼睛及令人无法抗拒的外表。他的一些小花招逗得安妮开怀大笑。

But sadly, he wasn't a keeper. Beneath that charming exterior lay some unsavoury habits and a difficult and a very demanding personality.

但令人伤心的是，他并不是那个值得安妮珍惜的人。他迷人的外表之下掩藏的是令人讨厌的习惯和执拗苛刻的个性。

Orlandino was the dog from hell.

欧兰迪诺就是一只地狱冥犬。

What Annie learned from that encounter set her on the path to becoming a women's relationship coach.

安妮在这段感情中领悟到的事情使她成为了一名女性人际关系教练。

She learned her lesson, chose her second dog - and her current lovely partner - with a lot more care, and has since taught hundreds of women simple ways to spot the right man for them, using her pet as the template.

她吸取经验教训，精心挑选了她的第二只狗，也是目前陪伴她的可爱伴侣。安妮用自己的狗作为例子，教导上百位女性如何用最简单的方式选择属于她们的真命天子。

Now Annie shares ten of her tips with Femail readers, inspired by her new book, entitled Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband?, which comes out on Valentine's Day.

日前，安妮同Femail的读者分享了十条小贴士。这十条贴士源于她即将在情人节出版的新书——《你是否选择狗狗比选择丈夫更仔细》。

1. Temperament is king

性格才是王道

Mean, moody, and magnificent may sound exciting… So, too, may the idea of taking on a challenge, or 'taming' someone 'wild'.

吝啬卑鄙、喜怒无常、高贵华丽也许听起来令人兴奋无比，但也有可能意味着面临挑战，或是驯服某个野蛮粗鲁的人。

Unfortunately, they lead to hard work relationships; and hard work relationships lead to emotional exhaustion and breakdown.

但不幸的是，脾气不好的人会导致感情变得难以维系，而难以维系的感情又会导致情感耗竭和感情破裂。

Better to look for someone sunny and sweet-natured.

最好是找个个性阳光、脾气好的人。

Think about the way a date projects himself on first meeting and beyond. Why would pessimism or negativity be an aphrodisiac?

仔细想想你的约会对象在第一次约会和之后的约会中是怎样表现自己的。为什么悲观消极的情绪会成为一种催情剂？

2. Check the pedigree

了解背景

Obviously, this is simpler with dogs than it is with people, and can't be settled on a first date. But then Rome wasn't built in a day, and nor should relationships be.

显然，了解狗狗的血统明显要比了解一个人的背景要容易得多，而且这不可能在第一次约会时就了解透彻。罗马不是一天建成的，恋爱关系也是如此。

You can listen to the way they talk about parents, family members, and friends.

你可以从他们对父母、家庭成员以及朋友的描述中获取一些相关信息。

If they come across as Billy-no-mates, there is cause for concern.

如果他们给你的印象是朋友寥寥无几，那你就得小心了。

3. Beware yappiness

注意言谈

Unless you're okay with saddling yourself with Mr I'm Great, Mr Alpha Male, Mr In Love With The Sound of His Own Voice, or Mr Life and Soul of the Party, be careful of over-talkers.

小心那些喋喋不休的人，除非你能忍受同自恋者、大男子主义者、喜欢自己声音的人或是派对上的活跃分子相处。

Incessant talking on a first date may be a sign of nerves, but also a lack of interest in the other person and a lack of social skills.

第一次约会时的喋喋不休可能是紧张的表现，也可能是因为他对他人没兴趣或缺乏社交技巧。

They need to take an interest in you too (This holds just as true for Strong, Silent Types).

约会对象也需要表现出对你感兴趣的样子（这一点适用于安静的壮汉）。

Asking non-intrusive questions is not rocket science.

问一些不侵犯他人隐私的问题并不是一件复杂的事。

4. Good manners

礼貌

This goes without saying. But it's not limited to table manners.

这一点不言而喻，但这并不只是指餐桌礼仪。

Snarliness towards waiters, children, and anyone outside the charmed circle of you and your date is a bad sign of things to come.

怒骂服务生、孩子、交际圈之外的人或者约会对象，不好的事情就会发生。

Selective good manners actually suggest that those manners are not deeply ingrained and may soon melt away.

选择性礼貌事实上暗示着它们并未深入人心，也许很快就会消失殆尽。

5. Over-exuberance

感情过于热烈

Pushy does not mean keen. It means pushy.

一意孤行就是它的字面意思，而非热切的渴望。

First date pushiness is the sign of someone who doesn't respect boundaries and will end up pushing you into emotional corners.

第一次约会时表现出的一意孤行可以看作是不尊重他人底线的表现，这会破坏感情进一步发展的可能。

6. Good behaviour

良好的行为举止

Many a woman who has overlooked a little first date leering - at other women - has lived to rue the day.

许多女性曾在第一次约会时忽略了约会对象对其他女性暗送秋波的细节，事后想起都会为此而懊悔。

You have standards for how you would dress and behave on a first date. Your date should, too.

对于第一次约会时的穿着和举止，你应该要有自己的一套标准。你的约会对象也应如此。

If your date's behaviour violates your standards in any way that's a clear sign that you could be in for a rough ride.

如果约会时的行为举止与自定的标准不同，那么你将会踏上一条曲折的感情之路。

7. Docility

性情温顺

You want your date to be sensitive and responsive to your wishes.

你理想中的约会对象应该是一个能察觉到你愿望并帮你实现它的人。

Choosing your meal for you, unasked, or making decisions for you without consulting you is a clear sign of wanting to be top dog.

一个人没有询问你意见就帮你点菜的，或是没有同你商量就擅自帮你做决定，很明显，他想成为你们关系中的主导者。

Do you want to be reduced to playing Bottom Dog?

难道你想沦为感情中的弱者吗？

8. Playfulness

能给你带来快乐

You want someone not just to have fun with, but someone who's fun to be around.

你不仅希望可以同约会对象相处愉快，还希望他能给周围的人带来快乐。

That doesn't necessarily mean someone who acts like a kid - what long-term kids are actually looking for is second mummies. You want someone who you feel comfortable enough around to be silly with.

但这并不意味着约会对象的行为举止要表现得像个孩子。一个像孩子一样总长不大的人实际上是要为自己再找一个妈妈。你理想中的伴侣应该是一个能让你觉得舒心的人，即使你和他在一起时像个傻瓜。

9. Beware rogue breeders

当心周围疯狂的约会发起者

If you've been single for a while, friends may take it upon themselves to set you up with 'lovely dates'.

如果你处于感情空窗期有一段时间，你的朋友们可能会为你策划一场美好的约会，主动肩负起给你介绍对象的重任。

Just because they find that date 'lovely' in the context in which they know them doesn't mean you will.

她们认为一场约会是美好的，并不代表对你而言也是一样的。

You wouldn't buy a house just on the say-so of Mrs Bloggs three doors down.

你不会因为住在离你三户远的布洛格斯太太（MrsBloggs）随口说的一句话，就买下一座房子。

You always have to do your own due diligence.

所以，你要认真地考虑问题。

10. Leave the paperwork at home

丢掉幻想

Women are terrible at playing 'Fantasy Future' - they go on a first date and, provided the man isn't an obvious freak or psychopathic monster, they get busy imagining their future life with that person.

女性在幻想美好方面往往很不成功。她们在第一次约会时，只要男性不是一个情绪反复无常的怪人或是精神失常的怪物，接下来，她们开始忙于沉浸在和约会对象未来生活的幻想中。

A first date is not designed to be a marriage contract., it's simply the start of getting to know another person.

第一次约会并不是要制定一份结婚条约，而是双方相互了解的开始。

If you find yourself fantasising about that happy future, take a cold shower, or speak to a grounded friend.

如果你发觉自己开始沉浸在对未来的美好幻想之中，赶紧去洗个冷水澡或是找一位好友聊一聊。

Vocabulary:

parallel: 相似之处

chequered: 多变的

knack: 诀窍

unsavoury: 令人讨厌的

demanding: 苛刻的

aphrodisiac: 催情药

pedigree: 血统

alpha male: 大男子主义者

incessant: 不断的

rocket science: 复杂的事

snarliness: 怒吼

ingrained: 根深蒂固的

exuberance: 感情洋溢

pushy: 一意孤行的

leering: 媚眼，秋波

rue: 后悔

top dog: 获胜者

Bottom Dog: 失败者

rogue: 凶猛的

grounded: 注重实际的