测测你是否到了恋爱瓶颈期

There are relationships, and there are entanglements. Read on to discover the four signs that mean you're not experiencing the kind of real love you truly deserve -- and what to do about it。

美好的恋情总会有瓶颈的时期。看看下面四个信号对比一下，测测自己是否真正处在值得的恋情之中吧-顺便看看如何化解危机。

A relationship is one in which both people are free to be themselves, yet there is no shortage of intimacy. No fear that doing what you love or being who you are or taking time for yourself will drive the other person away.

恋爱指的是双方都可以随心所欲地做自己，同时又不失亲密。不用担心做自己喜欢的事或者做真实的自己会把另一半吓跑。

In a relationship, neither person needs the other to "complete" them. Both people are awake to themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and are open to the flow of love and attention with one another.

在恋爱中，我们不需要去迎合对方。双方都是忠于自己的感受、想法，也可以时不时流露出对对方的爱意和关注。

It's about two equals celebrating together rather than "needing" something from the other.

这是两个平等独立个体的组合，而绝不是从自己的需求出发相互索取。

Signs You're in an Entanglement

恋爱瓶颈期的征兆

Entanglements may look like a relationship on the surface. You might spend a lot of time together, you've met each other's friends and family, and people refer to you as a "couple."

恋爱瓶颈期就好比表面的恋爱关系。也许你们会花很多时间泡在一起，也见过对方的朋友和家人，大家也都把你们看成“一对”。

But you're not having a real relationship -- at least not one that is characterized by love and harmony.

但是你没有实质上的恋爱关系-至少不是充满爱和美好的关系。

1. You keep having the same issues

同样的争吵犯了又犯

When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that's a pretty good sign you're likely in an entanglement. If you had the same problem in your previous relationships, or keep picking partners with similar issues, that's a tip-off, too.

如果你和另一半总是为类似的事情吵架，明显说明你们到了恋爱瓶颈期。如果你在上一段关系中有同样的问题，或者你挑选的伴侣总是有这样的问题，这也是一个警告。

Patterns that repeat -- especially from relationship to relationship -- indicate that you have unresolved feelings from the past, creating a destructive dynamic that keeps you from enjoying harmony.

如果每次争吵的模式都一样，尤其是从一段恋情到另一段恋情，那就表明你并没有从前一段恋情的伤害中走出来，无法享受爱的美好。

2. You don't feel safe or understood

你没有安全感，感觉自己不被理解

One of the clearest signs of entanglement is that it is hard for one person to let the other person feel his or her feelings and tell the truth about them. Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you're feeling like your partner just doesn't get you, and that you're not free to say exactly what's on your mind, you know you're not in a real relationship.

恋爱瓶颈期中最明显的一个特征，就是很难让另一半感知自己的感受、很难告诉对方自己真实的感受。恋爱瓶颈期，你不自觉地隐藏起自己的一部分。如果你觉得另一半就是不懂你，你不能再去随心所欲地说出所想，那么你的恋爱就有问题了。

3. Someone always needs to be right

两个人非要分出谁对谁错

In a real relationship, each person is "awake" to his or her role in a problem, and the priority for both is relationship growth. Entanglements are characterized by power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.

在美好的恋爱关系中，在矛盾中每个人都“清楚”自己的角色，对两个人来说没有什么比经营感情发展更重要的了。然而在恋爱瓶颈期，两个人有一种无形的斗争。两个人都认为自己是委屈的一方，而把责任推卸给另一半。然而这样的恋情中，其实两个人都输了。

4. It's just so hard

两个人相处就是不对，身心俱疲

If you're feeling drained with your partner, you're likely caught up in an entanglement. In a harmonious relationship, both people take responsibility for any issues that arise, and they come up with creative solutions that further add to the positive feelings they share.

如果你觉得跟另一半在一起身心俱疲，那么你们可能就到了瓶颈期。在一段美好的恋爱关系里，两个人对出现的任何问题都勇于承担，一起去想出有创造性的解决方案来给彼此的感情增彩。

What to Do if You're in an Entanglement: 2 Steps

身处恋爱瓶颈期怎么办：2步走

So what if you have the terrible feeling that you're in an entanglement right now, or that you've been in entanglements before?

如果你现在或是过去真的处在恋爱瓶颈期，感觉无比难受，该怎么办呢？

Relax: It's completely normal. Most people have been in an entanglement, and a lot of them have been in many.

放松：恋爱瓶颈真的非常正常。大部分人都会遇到瓶颈期，且大多数人经历不止一次。

So, here's what you need to do:

所以，下面是你需要做的：

Step 1: Identify that you're in an entanglement

步骤1：意识到恋爱到了瓶颈期

Knowing whether you're in a pattern of entanglement is key to resolving it once and for all. Otherwise, there's a "blind spot" that keeps you from moving forward, and you're doomed to keep repeating the pain and struggle.

意识到你是否身处恋爱瓶颈期是解决问题的关键。否则，这就是一个”大盲点“阻碍你的恋情发展，让你注定不断重复伤痛和挣扎。

Step 2: End the entanglement or transform it into a real relationshi

步骤2：终止恋情或把瓶颈期调整正常

Once you know you're dealing with an entanglement, you can harness all that energy you've been spending on conflict, and instead use it to come up with creative solutions. You can transform the entanglement into a real relationship, or you can end the entanglement with peace of mind, armed with the insight you need to create love and harmony in the future.

一旦知道自己身处恋爱瓶颈期，你可以集结以往处理矛盾的所有精力去想一个切实有效的解决办法。你可以把这段瓶颈恋爱转化为更美好的恋爱关系，或者是冷静之后终止恋情，并且明白以后你需要自己去创造爱与和谐美好。