相亲进行时 第一次约会该由谁买单

Who should pay for the first date? The majority says it’s the guy’s responsibility. A survey released this month found that about 77 percent of people in heterosexual relationships believe men should settle the bill on the first date. The survey was put together by US financial website NerdWallet. The site polled roughly 1,000 Americans who had been dating their partners for six months or more.

第一次约会该由谁买单？多数人认为这是男士的责任。本月初，美国财经网站NerdWallet公布了一项针对近1000名交往6个月及以上情侣的调查结果。数据显示，77%（异性恋）受访者认为应该由男士来买单。

The financial chivalry began when, in the past, women had no access to employment and therefore couldn’t fend themselves financially. But nowadays, more and more women have become the breadwinners. According to The Atlantic, between 1960 and 2011 in the US, the proportion of two-parent US households in which the mother earned all or most of the income roughly quadrupled.

过去，这种勇于付款的“骑士精神”是因为女性没有工作，不能经济独立。但现如今，越来越多的女性都成为养家糊口的主力军，据美国《大西洋月刊》报道，从1960年到2011年，美国双亲家庭中母亲是家中主要或全部经济来源的家庭所占比例几乎翻了两番。

So why, amid economic changes and gender equity advancements, are men still expected to pay for the bill?

那么，在经济变革、两性更加平等的今天，为什么依旧应该由男士来买单呢？

“As social roles start to change, people often embrace the changes that make their lives easier, but resist the changes that make their lives more difficult,” David Frederick, a professor of psychology at Chapman University, US, told The Huffington Post. “Who pays for dates … is one arena where women may be resisting gender changes more than men,” he suggested.

美国柴普曼大学心理学教授大卫•弗里德瑞克在接受《赫芬顿邮报》采访时表示，“在社会角色开始发生变化时，人们往往愿意接受那些使生活更容易的变化，排斥令生活更麻烦的变化。而谁来买单的问题？（在这个问题上）女性比男性更抗拒性别角色的变化。”

Men pay more

男士付得多

Frederick is a co-author of a study released last year that also found men tend to pay for dates. The study was larger than NerdWallet’s and polled about 17,000 people, according to The Atlantic. The study also found 39 percent of its female respondents admitted that they hoped men would reject their offers to help pay. Frederick and his colleagues called paying for dates “a rare case” in which women are motivated not to fight old-school gender dynamics. In the same way, men who are no longer breadwinners aren’t as eager to take up domestic responsibilities such as parenting and homemaking.

弗里德瑞克教授去年与别人共同进行的一项研究发现，男士依旧是约会买单的主力。《大西洋月刊》报道称，这项调查的规模比NerdWallet网站的还大，约17000人参与了调查。数据显示，39%女性受访者承认就算自己提出买单要求，内心仍希望男士抢着付钱。弗里德瑞克教授和他的同事们认为，这是女性不抵触传统性别角色的“特例”。与之类似的还有，男士虽然不再独挑养家糊口的重担，却仍不愿承担教育小孩、操持家务等家庭责任。

Many people would argue men’s paying for dates is a form of respecting women. But Joe Pinsker, writing in The Atlantic, says this seemingly “benevolent” form of sexism can lead to a sense of entitlement on men’s part — they tend to think that women owe them because they have paid.

不少人认为男士在约会时买单是一种对女性的尊重。但乔•皮斯科在美国《大西洋月刊》上撰文称，这种看似“善意”的大男子主义会让男人感觉自己拥有更多权利——他们为约会买单，因此认为女性对他们有所亏欠。

Money can twist men’s opinion of sexual consent. Pinsker cites a 2010 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence. It found that men were more likely than women to think that sex should be expected when a man pays for an expensive date.

此外，付钱还会让男性将其误解为允许发生性关系的许可。皮斯科还援引了一份2010年发表于《人际暴力杂志》的调查，其结果显示，在为昂贵的约会买单后，男性比女性更容易认为将与对方发生关系。

This really is disturbing. But Frederick found something optimistic in his study that might serve as a warning to some women. Almost half of the men surveyed in the study he co-authored said that they would break up with a woman if she never offered to help pay the bill on a date. “In this single telling finding about dating and paying interactions, we see evidence of a sea change,” Frederick wrote.

这确实让人感到不安，但弗里德瑞克教授在他的研究中也发现了一些好消息，供一些女士参考：调查中，几乎一半男性都表示如果约会对象从未有过要买单的意思，他们会选择分手。弗里德瑞克教授说，“从这一结果可以看出，在约会与买单的互动关系上，我们可以看到巨大的不同。”