七条秘籍提升你的说服力

While many people don't like to sell, most find themselves having to persuade someone at some point. Persuasion is not just for salespeople and their prospects. You may try to persuade an employee to perform better, or perhaps you want to persuade your boss to take on your brilliant idea. Often the most effective persuaders are your kids. Somehow they come by it naturally while you, the adult, has to work hard to find the persuasive path to success. Here are 7 things that the most persuasive people consistently do:

很多人都不喜欢推销，但是有的时候不得不试图说服别人。不只有销售要说服别人拉到客户，你可能要劝员工更加卖力，或是要说服老板采纳你的建议。最会说服人的是你的孩子。然而他们不用人教，你却不容易找到成功说服别人的途径。以下七条是说服别人的金科玉律。

1. They Are Purposeful

有目的

Truly persuasive people understand their power and use it sparingly and knowingly. They understand that most conversations do not require trying to get someone to do or accept something. Aggressive pushers are a turn-off and will put most people on the defensive. It's the person who rarely asks or argues that ultimately gets consideration when they strongly advocate an idea, especially when they do it with power and persistence. Want to persuade more? Argue and advocate less often.

劝说专家明白自己的筹码，不会乱用，也不会不用。他们明白大多数谈话不需要费太多力气让对方同意或接受什么。用力过猛会引起反感，人家就不愿意听了。反而是很少要求或争辩的人极力主张什么想法，尤其是强烈且持久地主张，人家最后会考虑。想要更有说服力？平时少争辩，少主张。

2. They Listen ... and Listen ... Then Listen Some More

他们听……听……一直听

People who know how to persuade also know that just pushing your own argument will get you nowhere. They certainly are able to articulate their position in a convincing way, but that is only half the equation. They are actively listening when in persuasion mode. First, they are listening to assess how receptive you are to their point of view. Second, they are listening for your specific objections, which they know they'll have to resolve. Last, they are listening for moments of agreement so they can capitalize on consensus. Amazingly persuasive people are constantly listening to you and not themselves. They already know what they are saying. You can't persuade effectively if you don't know the other side of the argument.

劝说专家还知道，只提你的想法是没用的。他们当然能令人信服地阐释他们的立场，但是那只是等式的一半，还要加上积极的倾听，那对劝说而言也很重要。首先，他们要听出你对他们的观点的接受程度，其次，他们要听你有什么特别的反对意见而他们必须要改进的，最后，他们要听一致的部分，哪怕只有一点点也好加以利用，达成共识。特别善于说服别人的人总是在听你说，而不是听自己喋喋不休，他们知道自己在说什么。知己知彼才能百战不殆。

3. They Create a Connection

他们建立联系

It's easy to dismiss people who are trying to persuade you if you have no emotional stake in them or their argument. Really persuasive people know this, so they will be likeable and look for common ground to help establish emotional bonds and shared objectives. They show empathy for your position and make it known that they are on your side. They manage their impatience and wait for you to give them permission to advocate their approach. You'll persuade people much more easily if they are open and aligned with your desires.

如果别人对你或是你的论点没有感情分，你会很容易驳回他。劝说专家知道这一点，所以他们会讨你喜欢，寻找共同之处，好建立感情纽带和共同的目标。他们对你的处境感同身受，让你觉得他们支持你。他们尽量耐心，等待你允许他们提出主张。如果对方愿意和你谈并且和你的利益相一致，那么你要说服人家就容易很多。

4. They Acknowledge Credibility

他们承认对方的可信度

Really persuasive people understand that there is no sense wasting time arguing facts. Most of the world does not function in black and white. They value strong opinions and will make sure that you are entitled to yours. In fact, they will make sure they give you full credit for every argument of yours that has some validity. This makes it harder for you to fully dismiss their point of view. When you are persuading people, reinforce their credibility on facts and opinions rather than dismissing them outright. Then they'll be more likely to pay you equal respect in the exchange and be more open to the merits of your opposing view.

劝说专家明白浪费时间争论事实没有意义，这世界上很少有非黑即白的。他们喜欢强烈的观点，会确保你能表达你的观点。事实上，只要你说的有点道理他们就会愿意相信你，这样你就很难完全驳回他的观点。你在说服别人的时候可以在别人说事实和观点的时候表示信任，而不是一味地反驳，这样他们就可能回与你同样的尊重，更愿意接受你相反的意见里正确的地方。

5. They Offer Satisfaction

他们会让对方满意

Smart persuaders know that they don't have to win every little battle to win the war. They are more than willing to sacrifice when it helps the overall cause. They are ready to find the easiest path to yes. Often that is simply to give you what you want whenever possible. In my old lending days, we would often deal with busy underwriters who asked for items we knew they already had. Instead of arguing the point, we would just resend the documents and save our energy for issues that were not so easily resolved. Give ground where you can and hold your ground only where it matters. Choose being successful over being right.

聪明的劝说者知道要赢得全局不必锱铢必较。他们愿意非常为了整体的进程做出一些牺牲。他们总是知道怎么样能够最简单地达成目的。通常只要抓住机会就给你你想要的。我过去放贷款的时候我们经常碰到承销商问我们要一些文件，我们知道他们已经有了，可是我们不跟他们争论这一点，我们只是重新给他们发一遍文件，省点力气做难办的事。只要不触及底线，能让步就让步吧，成功比正确更重要。

6. They Know When to Shut Up

他们知道什么时候该闭嘴

Successful persuaders get that you don't win the battle by constantly berating people with an unending verbal barrage. Wearing people down is not an effective strategy. They carefully support their arguments and check in with questions that will help to close the conversation. Then they step back. The great sales trainer Tom Hopkins still today teaches these decades-old techniques of his mentor J. Douglas Edwards. His most important lesson is "Whenever you ask a closing question, shut up. The first person who speaks, loses."

成功的劝说者知道要达到目的不能靠无休止的口头攻势来训斥别人，把别人磨烦了可不是有效的策略。他们小心地支撑着自己的观点，想想有什么问题可以让谈话早点结束，然后就不说了。了不起的销售培训师汤姆霍普金斯今天还传授者他的导师道格拉斯埃德沃兹的这些几十年来的老技术。他最重要的一颗就是“问完终结问题就赶紧闭嘴，谁第一个说话就输了。”

7. They Know When to Back Away

他们知道什么时候该收手

Urgency and immediacy are often the enemies of real persuasion. It's possible to close a less significant sale through urgency, but deep ideas require time and thought to take root. Great persuaders bring you along in your own time. And they give you the space and time to carefully consider their position. They know that nothing is more powerful than your persuading yourself on their behalf. That almost never occurs in the presence of the persuader. The next time you want to persuade someone of something truly important, follow the tips above, make your case, and walk away. If they don't come around, you were probably wasting your effort in the first place.

紧迫感往往是说服工作的敌人。用紧迫感来达成一桩小买卖是可行的，但是有深度的想法需要时间和思考才能扎根。厉害的劝说者会让你一直想着他们的建议，会给你时间和空间仔细考虑他们的立场。他们知道没有什么比你代表他们给自己洗脑更有用的了，而这在劝说的当下基本是不会发生的。下次你要跟别人说一件特别重要的事情的话就照我说的做，说完了就走，如果人家不来找你，说明你一开始就在做无用功。