跨国恋背后的艰辛与浪漫

Even though she has lived in Beijing for several years, Chinese men are still a closed book to Cathie Watson.

即使已经在北京生活多年，凯蒂?沃森对于中国男士还是知之甚少。

The 27-year-old from the UK says she is unable to read the signs - or rather, the lack of signs - given off by Chinese men. “Quiet”, “hard to reach out to” and “shy” are the words Watson uses as she tries to describe them to China Daily.

这位27岁的英国姑娘表示，自己难以读懂中国男士传达出的“信息”，确切的说是他们身上缺少这种信息。在接受《中国日报》采访时，她用“安静”、“拒人千里之外”、“腼腆”等词来描述中国男士。

In a country that is integrating with the world in dimensions across the spectrum, cross-cultural relationships have become more common.

在这个方方面面都与世界接轨的国度，跨国恋情越来越常见。

However, different dating cultures, communication norms and personalities forged in various social contexts pose both challenges and opportunities for young people involved romantically with someone from another country.

然而，不同社会背景下造就了约会文化、交际规范以及个性上的各不相同，这在为年轻跨国情侣制造机会的同时，也带来了挑战。

Introverted men

内敛的男士

Hu Yiqiang, 31, a Beijing-based online shop owner, has set his heart on finding a non-Chinese wife or partner, mainly because he is frustrated at the demands made by some Chinese women - a big apartment, a nice car and a good job are the usual requirements cited by Chinese dates, Hu says. That’s not what he wants.

31岁的胡义强（音译）是北京一家网店的店主，他一心想要找个外国人做老婆或女友。胡义强表示，这主要是因为，一些中国女性开出的大房子、名车、好工作等要求令他望而却步。而这种恋情并非他想要的。

But according to women from abroad, Chinese men are not easy to hang out with, either.

但与此同时，一些外国女性也表示，中国男士不太容易接近。

Alicia Feng, 26, who works for a law firm, recently arrived in China from the US and has found that people are very different from her peers back in California. “Men here just appear more introverted,” she says.

26岁的艾丽西娅?冯在一家律师事务所工作，最近刚刚从美国来到中国的她发现，中国人和自己以前在加州的朋友完全不同。“中国男士似乎更加内向。”她说道。

Different attitudes

态度不同

Andrea Bacon, 29, who works as a foreign expert in a meteorological lab, came to Beijing more than 18 months ago with her Chinese boyfriend, whom she met in the US. According to her, Chinese men are very considerate and pay attention to every detail, which she thinks is very touching.

29岁的安德烈亚?培根是一所气象实验室的外国专家，一年半之前，她随中国男友来到北京，他们二人是在美国相遇的。在她看来，中国男士十分体贴，关注每一个细节，她觉得这非常令人感动。

“Obviously, Beijing is quite a strange place for me and at the beginning he tried to accompany me to many multicultural events so I could mingle in a familiar environment. I thought that was very sweet,” Bacon says.

“显然，北京对我来说是一个完全陌生的城市。起初，他尝试着陪我去参加一些跨文化交流活动，让我可以融入一个相对熟悉的环境之中。我认为这是十分温柔体贴的举动。”培根说。

However, Bacon also admits that her boyfriend’s attitude is very Chinese and the problems that face all young people in the big city, such as buying an apartment, weigh heavily on him. “He always seems to be under some sort of pressure, but I care more about how well we get along with each other,” Bacon says.

尽管如此，培根承认男友的观念仍十分中国化，那些大城市年轻人所面临的买房等问题也深深困扰着他。“他看上去总是压力重重，但我更在乎我们之间如何更好地相处。”培根说道。

Bridging the dating gap

跨越距离爱上你

For Roy Huggins, who has provided long-term counseling for many interracial couples in the US and other countries since 2010, overcoming cultural differences is crucial to ensuring the longevity of a relationship.

罗伊?哈金斯从2010年开始就向美国及其他国家的跨国恋情侣提供长期咨询服务。他认为，克服文化差异是确保跨国恋稳定长久的关键。

“Based on academic studies and my experience with clients from Japan, Southeast Asia, and a few from China, being from a collectivist culture, Chinese partners are likely to clash with American or other Western partners about responsibility to family and helping each other meet individual needs,” he says. “For example, a Chinese partner may think less of an American or Canadian partner who seems ‘needy’.”

“结合学术研究，以及我与日本、东南亚及中国客户打交道的经验来看，受集体主义文化熏陶的中国人在家庭责任、满足彼此需求等方面的观念往往与美国或其他西方人截然相反，”他说。“比如，对于美国人或者加拿大人认为严重的问题，他们的中国情侣可能会认为无足轻重。”

In a recent article It’s Hard to Say “I Love You” in Chinese, on China File online magazine, Roseann Lake, a China-based writer from the US, discovered that Chinese men find it very hard to cross the boundary into uncharted territory and express their love in a straightforward, direct way, even though they may be intensely in love with their partner or spouse.

在线杂志《中参馆》最新刊登了一篇名为《难以启齿的“我爱你”》的文章，现居中国的美国作家罗斯安?莱克发现，即使是向他们深爱着的伴侣或配偶，中国人依旧很难跨越进入未知领域，大胆直接地表达爱意。