好朋友坏朋友：6招识破“自私”的朋友

If you like self-torture, then find and keep selfish friends around you. In fact, if you love wasting a ton of time, if you’re looking for the biggest source of social demotivation and remorse, then stick with selfish friends. Having them is like pouring love and emotional investment in a black hole and expecting it to love you back.

要是你喜欢自虐，那就跟自私自利的人为伍吧。要是你宁愿浪费大把时间、宁愿扎进消极悲观与自悲自叹的人堆里，那么跟这些人做朋友就好比把爱心与感情无节制地投进一个黑洞，却又期望对方能给予你同样的回报。

If you want to live a great social life, then stay away from these folks. The hardest thing about them is that they know how to hide themselves in nice and interesting personalities. This article is about to show you how to spot them before you invest yourself in friendships that will hurt and disappoint you. Here are the six signs you’re dealing with a take-all selfish friend…

如果你希望自己的生活积极向上，那就请远离消极的人。最难的是，这些人懂得如何将自己伪装得善良而风趣。所以，这篇文章就告诉你如何识别这种人，以免自己跟他们做了朋友后反倒落得失望与受伤。

Sign 1 – They Think They Deserve Special Treatment

特征1：他们自认为理应受到特殊礼遇

The selfish friend, the one you don’t wanna get involved with, thinks he or she is special. They think that they deserve to be treated in a special way, and will ask for favors, big and small, even if you’re just starting to get to know them.

那种你不想与之有任何瓜葛的自私朋友，总觉得自己是与众不同的。他们总认为自己理应受到特殊对待，总是要你提供或大或小的帮助——哪怕你才认识他们。

Sign 2 – For Him, You’re A Detail

特征2：你在他心里根本不算什么

After you do him a favor, the selfish friend barely says thank you, and if he does, it doesn’t sound sincere. Try and ask him for a favor, though, and see him brush it off and never follow through with it. He or she can give you an evasive answer like “ok, I’ll call you later about this”, but it never happens. Sometimes, they just act like you never asked for anything.

就算你帮了他，自私的朋友也很少感谢你；就算他说了谢谢，听上去也不是发自肺腑。你可以试着请他帮忙，他肯定会支支吾吾不付诸行动。或许他/她会含糊不清地跟你说：“好的，等我有空打电话给你再说吧。” 但其实他/她压根儿不会打电话给你。有时候，他们装得像模像样，就好像你从来没提过请他们帮忙一样。

Sign 3 – Shady Plans

特征3：不靠谱的计划

The selfish person can cancel a meeting with you at the last minute, giving you fake excuses, and rarely saying “I’m sorry”, because he thinks he’s too special to apologies When you suggest that you meet with him, he carefully thinks of all the other choices he has, and if he has nothing “better” to do, he’ll meet you. He usually calls when he’s bored and has no other plans.

自私的人会在最后一秒放你鸽子，然后找出各种堂皇的借口，却很少真心说一句“抱歉”。因为在他看来，他很特殊，没必要跟你说抱歉。如果你提出跟他见面，他会仔细想想自己是否还有其他选择，如果没有“更好”的事情可做，他才会考虑答应你。他打电话给你通常只是因为自己无聊到了极点。

The selfish person decides where he wants to go, then finds people to go with him. That’s fine, but, he’ll suggest it to many people, and it seems that it doesn’t matter to him who goes with him. In other words, he hangs out with you to avoid being alone, not because he likes you.

自私的人总是决定自己想去的地方，然后再找人一起陪他。这原本无可厚非，但他会表现得让很多人以为，其实他根本不在乎谁来陪他。换句话说，他选择跟你在一起并不是因为他喜欢你，而只是因为他自己不想一个人罢了。

Sign 4 – You Never Meet His Friends

特征4：他从不让你进入他的朋友圈

The selfish person talks about his other friends but never introduces you to any of them and always comes alone. He gives you the impression of knowing lots of people, but when you listen to the stories he tells, you find out that it’s all superficial. He’s always hanging out with people he barely knows, and you rarely find him with close buddies, but you always hear him talk about the relationships he has with powerful people, it never ends.

自私的人总向你谈起他的其他朋友，但却又总是单独见你，从不将你介绍给他的朋友们。他在你面前表现得好像认识很多很多人，但当你仔细听他所说的话时，会发现其实都只是泛泛之交。他总是跟自己不甚了解的人交往，没什么真心朋友。但他还是会乐此不疲地谈论着自己跟某些大人物如何如何。

If you want to laugh, ask him if he could introduce you to so and so: He’ll give you the stupidest excuses why that can’t happen “now”, but maybe a “little bit later.” It actually never happens, but it’s funny to see him try to evade your request.

要是你不相信，可以试着问他能否将你介绍给他的朋友——然后他会给出各种好笑的理由，说什么“现在还不行，以后再说吧”。其实根本就没有“以后”，只是他这么慌不择路地躲闪言辞实在很可笑。

Sign 5 – To Him, You’re Boring

特征5：在他看来，你很无聊

He never takes the time to understand what’s special or interesting about you. To him, conversation is just a means of gaining more power. He sure looks like he’s listening, but in reality, he’s just waiting for you to shut up so he can take control of the conversation, again. For example, when you say stuff like “Oh! Hey, you know what I just read in USA Today,… etc,” he says stuff like “Yea, of course!”, or “I know that but, here’s what’s really interesting…” With sentences like that, he just downplays anything you say as banal, and common knowledge.

他从不用心了解你这人哪里特别或有趣。对他来说，谈话只是获得更多权力的一种手段。当然，看上去他确实在听，但骨子里却是在等你说完后他自己好再次掌控整个谈话。举个例子，当你说“哎，你知道吗，我刚在《今日美国》上看到……”，他会说“哦，是吗！”或“我也看到了，但还有比这个更有意思的……”等诸如此类的话。他总是轻描淡写把你讲的话贬得乏味而寻常。

This will even happen if you talk about a brand new science discovery. If you want to test them, tell them about a new scientific study, and give him the results in reverse. If he says “I know…”, then you’re dealing with a sucker.

哪怕你说的是最新科学发现，他也能在话头上压制你。要是你想看他到底是不是这种人，完全可以选个最新的科学研究，然后故意先说个错误的结论，要是他说“是啊，我知道啊……”，那证明他的确是个不折不扣的伪君子。

Sign 6 – He Covers His “Black Hole” Personality

特征6：他很会隐藏自己的“阴暗”性格。

The selfish person knows that if he acts like himself right away, he would nevermake friends. Instead, he starts by acting like a very polite cordial person. At first, he’s interested in getting to know you, and listens carefully to you. Then, he gradually starts to withdraw, and only shows up when he needs something.

自私的人很清楚，要是言行举止任由自己的性子，他很难交到朋友。所以，他会表现得非常友好热情。一开始，他很愿意了解你、很用心地听你说话。然后，他的热情就会慢慢变淡，只会在需要你时才出现。

He usually brings lots of conversation to the table, and always has something to say. He does that to imply an open minded, interesting, and interested personality, but you can sense that he’s not really interested in any of those subjects; he just uses them as a cover for an empty take-everything-I-can personality. It’s like a black hole—you can’t expect to get love from a person who can only take.

这种人通常谈资甚广，任何话题都能插上两句。他这么做是为了表现得性格开放风趣，但你却能感觉到他其实并不是真的喜欢谈话话题，反倒显得是对他那“假大空”性格的欲盖弥彰罢了。这就像一个“黑洞”——只进不出，你不可能从这种人身上得到任何真心回馈的。

BONUS-TIP – The Most Dangerous Trick In His Bag

附加建议：自私之人最“腹黑”的伎俩

The most dangerous trick in the selfish person’s bag is the confusion he tries to create in your mind. He tries to get you to doubt your value as a friend. He wants you to think you’re not cool enough, and need to try harder. This is a pseudo-rejection that the selfish person gives you in small doses.

自私之人最“腹黑”的伎俩就是，他会竭力扰乱你的思维、给你造成困惑。他使你质疑自己作为朋友的意义，使你觉得自己不够出色、需要再付出一点。自私的人总是一点一点向你灌输这种假象的自我质疑的思维。

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out—they do more harm than good.

我奉劝你千万别上当。当你识破自私的特征时，就请迈步向前，交一些真心愿意花时间跟你做朋友的人吧。把自私的人拉进黑名单——这种人百害无一益。