致女人:婚前这些道理你该懂

YOU CAN'T CHANGE A GUY

You may be able to make improvements to whomever you're with, but you won't be able to change him – as hard as you might try or as much as you might want to. It can be very tempting to believe you can take someone who you like – to a point – and turn him into the man of your dreams. Don't believe it. If you don't fully accept him now, as he is, you won't be able to magically make him into someone different just by marrying or moving in with him. Think long and hard before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone – or even just agreeing to share an apartment, because if you aren't totally happy with who they are and what they're about, you're setting yourself up for a relationship roller coaster that will have you feeling frustrated in no time.

你不可能改变一个人

你可以把和你在一起的那个人变好，但你不能改变他，尽管你可能尝试过或者多么想改变。很容易相信你可以一点点改变你喜欢的人——从而把他变成你的梦中情人。别相信。如果你现在不完全接受他，他就是他，你不可能通过和他结婚或同居就神奇地把他变成另外一个人。在你承诺一生与其相伴，甚至只是同意共享一个公寓之前要深思熟虑，因为如果你不完全满意他们本身以及与之相关的事，你正将自己置身于一段不时感到沮丧的过山车般的恋情中。

CHEMISTRY CAN'T BE MANUFACTURED

What starts off as a hot and heavy romance could end up feeling less-than-passionate within a year. Sometimes this just means you need to retool your approach to romance and try new things when it comes to sex, but other times it means whatever you had is over. You might still think he's nice and fun to be around, but if the chemistry is truly gone, it's not likely to come rushing back any time soon, and you can't force it. Moving forward with a guy you no longer feel any kind of spark with is a bad idea. You'll be leading him on and risking spending time with a person you're no longer into.

产生不了化学反应

引燃一段火热恋情的东西最终可能因一年之内感觉不到激情而终结。有时这就意味着你需要给浪漫另寻出路，当涉及性时尝试新事物，但其他时候这意味着无论你拥有过什么都已经结束了。你可能还认为他在你身边时人好又幽默，但如果化学反应消失，不太可能很快重回正轨，你不能强求。与一个你不再擦出任何火花的家伙继续下去是一个坏主意。你会给他错觉，并冒着风险将时间浪费在你不再喜欢的人身上。

YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

We know you've heard it before and you're going to hear it again – that in order to really have a successful, meaningful relationship with someone else, you have to love yourself first. It may sound like something out of a self-help book, but trust us – it's true. If you don't love and respect yourself, then how can you expect someone else to do it? The happier you are with who you are, the easier it will be to attract someone who is worthy of your love and who will treat you well.

你首先得爱自己

我们知道你以前听过这句话，你会再去听一遍——为了和别人真正拥有一段成功的有意义的恋情，首先得爱自己。这听起来像是出自一本自助书，但是请相信我们，这是真的。如果你不爱惜尊重自己，那么你怎么能期望别人这样做呢？你越是因自身而快乐，就越容易吸引那些值得你爱并好好待你的人。

GO WITH YOUR GUT – IT'S USUALLY RIGHT

The most important lesson you can learn before you settle down is to listen to yourself. It's OK to ask for advice and get other people's input, but ultimately you're the only one who knows what's best for you. If you're in a relationship that's progressing quickly and something doesn't feel right, don't ignore those feelings. You don't have to make any rash decisions, but you should also take any doubts that come up seriously. And if you are having doubts about where the relationship is going, you need to address them. Think seriously about whether or not you're happy and if you're not, it may be time to move on.

跟着直觉走——这通常是正确的

在你安定下来之前你可以学习的最重要功课是倾听自己。可以寻求建议以及得到他人指导，但最终你是那个唯一知道什么对你最好的人。如果你处在一段进展很快的关系中，有点不大对劲，不要忽略那些感觉。你不需要做任何鲁莽的决定，但你也应该严肃对待出现的任何怀疑。如果你对这段关系的走向有疑问，你需要提出来。认真思考你是否快乐，如果你不是，也许是时候离开了。