恋爱必修课之分手：如何抚慰一颗受伤的心？

Break-ups are never easy. Whether you were “just dating” or married, with or without kids, it hurts when a relationship ends. To spend time grieving is perfectly natural and healthy but there comes a time when your heart yearns to be healed.

分手从来就不是一件容易的事。不论你只是约约会或是已经结了婚，也不论有没有孩子，当一段关系结束的时候，它总是伤人的。为了结束的感情难过这很正常，但这时也是你的心灵需要治愈的时候。

The following 5 steps can help you begin down that path of healing.

以下5个步骤帮助你开始这条愈合之路。

1. It’s Not About You—Really, It’s Not

不是你的问题，真的不是你的错

You know that old saying “it’s not you, it’s me”? While we usually think of it as a cop-out, a way for someone to spare our feelings, the reality is that it is actually true. People act a certain way, make certain decisions, and choose to life their life a certain way because of their own desires and needs; not because of us.

你知道那句古话“不是你的错，是我的错”吗？通常我们认为这种说法是一种逃避，也是一种舒缓我们感受的方式，而事实上这说法确实是对的。人们以特定的方式表现，做出特定的决定，选择他们想要的方式生活，因为他们有自己的欲望和需要，而不是因为我们！

When someone is a jerk, or says something nasty, or leaves you, it is because of something going on inside of them. Please know that I am not excluding the influence of your own behavior that may have precipitated the break-up, but it comes down to the fact that your ex left because of their reactions and feelings surrounding that event and it may have been the right choice for them.

当某人变成了个混蛋，说了难听的话，或是离开了你，那是因为他们内心起了变化。请明白我不是要排除你自己行为带来的影响，这些行为可能也触发了分手的发生，但事实可以归结为你的前任离开你是因为他们对待事情的反应和感受有了变化，而这样做对他们来说也许是一个正确的选择。

Once a relationship ends, you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to, so it’s best to stop beating yourself up about the past. Forgive yourself for your part in the break up, learn lessons from it, and try not to take it personally. Realize that you are perfect just the way you are and there is someone out there who will agree.

当一段关系结束，无论你有多想，你都回不去了，也改变不了任何事，所以关于过去，最好就是停止自责。宽容自己，从中吸取教训，尽量不要独自忍受痛苦。要知道以自己的方式做，你就是完美的，总有一个人会欣赏你这样的方式。

2. This Too Shall Pass

这一切都会过去

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the pain will go away.

我知道现在你不这么想，但疼痛总会消失。

Allow yourself to really feel your feelings—wallow in them if you want—and know that they are temporary. Sometimes it’s good to think back to another time in your life where you felt broken, and then realize that it did, indeed, get better. This will too. If you have faith that these feelings will pass, that you will feel better someday, that day will arrive much sooner.

让自己真正地体会感受，如果你想，你可以沉浸其中。但要清楚它们只是暂时的。有时回想过去你心痛的那一刻，然后意识到它确实会变好，这样的回想也是有好处的。如果你相信这些感觉也会过去，终有一天你也会变好，那么这一天就会来得早很多。

3. Forgive & Pray

原谅和祈祷

You may be feeling some very negative emotions towards your ex, such as anger, resentment, and frustration, but harboring these feelings is only hurting one person—you. In order to save yourself, you need to forgive your ex. Now, I don’t mean you have to call them up and tell them they are forgiven (although you can if you want to), you just need to forgive them in your heart.

对你的前任，也许你的内心充满了很多消极情绪，比如生气、怨恨和失望，但是怀着这些情绪只会伤害到一个人，就是你。为了拯救自己，你需要原谅你的前任。在这里，我不是说你要打电话给他们说你原谅他们了（当然如果你想的话，你可以这么做），你只需要在心里原谅他们就可以了。

I have found that praying for that person helps with being able to forgive them and move on. Pray for their happiness and continued health and mean it when you say it. You should feel your anger and resentment getting less and less if you continue this practice. Doing this has the added benefit of showing yourself what a good person you really are. Hey, you even pray for those that hurt you, so you must be a loving, generous person who deserves love.

我发现为那个人祈祷能帮助我们原谅他们并使自己继续前进。为他们的幸福和健康祈祷，当你说这些的时候，要认真地说。如果你保持练习，你应该感觉到愤怒和怨恨在变得越来越少。这样做还有其它好处，就是向别人展示你真的是一个很好的人。不是吧，你竟然祝福那些伤害你的人？你一定是个有爱心又慷慨的人，值得很多人爱慕。

4. Live Life One Day at a Time

珍惜每一天

Concentrate on today, and focus on the present moment. It’s said that worry is like a rocking chair: it keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s time to stop worrying about the future and notice where you are today. Don’t worry about your sister’s wedding in 6 months and the fact that now you don’t have a date. Don’t worry about what will happen if you see him around town with another girl—just live for today, the rest will take care of itself. Be present for all the gifts the universe is trying to give you today.

专注今天，专注当前。烦恼就像一把摇椅：它让你忙碌，但又让你原地踏步。是时候了，停止担忧未来，留意一下今天你在哪里。不要担心6个月后你姐姐就要结婚了，而现在的你连一个约会对象都没有。不要担心如果你在镇上看到他和另一个女孩在一起会发生什么。只为今天而活，其余的自会如常。今天这个世界给你的全部礼物就是当下。

5. It’s All About Progress

这些全是进步

Life is hard: if it wasn’t, we would all be perfect people living in a perfect world. Give yourself kudos for any and all progress you make, since anytime you are able to move in a forward direction, that is worth celebrating. Keep track of all the progress you have made by keeping a journal of all your successes. Then, when you feel that you are going backwards, read through it and you will realize just how far you have come.

生活是艰难的，如果不是，那我们就是生活在一个完美世界里的完美的人。要表扬自己取得的任何进步，因为不论什么时候你都走在前进的道路上，这是值得庆祝的。要在日志本里记录你所有的成功，以此来记录你所取得的进步。然后当你觉得退步了，再读一遍，你就会意识到自己走了有多远。

Final Thought

最后的想法

Healing your heart is really about healing your whole self, so be sure to take this opportunity to delve deeper into who you are and what you want. Start by appreciating the lessons you learned from the past, being present in the here and now, and using your power to create the future you want.

治愈你的心，其实就是在治愈你整个人，因而一定要抓住这次机会深刻了解你是怎样的人，以及你想要什么。治愈之路始于感谢那些你从过去的经历中学到的教训；始于专注当下；始于发挥你的力量去创造你想要的未来。